


Twisted Desires

by Chelsea072498



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M, Polygamy, Reader Insert, Threesomes, Unconventional Families, fictional story written for entertainment, no disrespect toward families intended, unconventional relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 08:55:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 52,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14870685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelsea072498/pseuds/Chelsea072498
Summary: One night, Y/N and Jensen give into their desires. Years later, Y/N ends up giving into her desires again with Jensen and his fiance Danneel. What follows is an emotional roller coaster for everyone involved.





	1. Chapter 1

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter One**

2001

Rooftop in LA

    Y/N Longley took a long drag from her cigarette and tried to ignore everything going on in the building below her. The Wank Haters were playing at some network party and she’d begged Randall to let her stay home for once. Of course, he wouldn’t allow that. Their manager had told them the truth a few months ago. The music was selling, but the image wasn’t. Important people weren’t going to take them seriously if they didn’t stop their antics and grow up. Of the six members in the band, only two had taken his words to heart. Randall hadn’t. He’d just enlisted his innocent wife to play her role.

    Y/N was suppose to mingle with the big wigs, turn on her charm and laugh at the stupid jokes. She was suppose to convince people that The Wank Haters and their music were good for business, whatever the business was. Y/N was tired of it. Randall, Eddie, Chris, and Paul were too stoned and drunk most of the time to realize that she was saving their asses every time they played events like this.

    She jumped when she heard the door slam and a lighter flick. Y/N turned and saw a man with a cigarette who looked as surprised to see her as she him.

    “Sorry. I didn’t realize someone was already up here.” He said. She heard a slight accent and smiled.

    “It’s fine,” She took one last drag from her cigarette and snubbed it out. “I think I’m suppose to be down there by now anyway.”

    “You’re part of the band?” He asked. “I didn’t know…”

    Y/N shook her head. “I’m married to the bass player.”

    “Randall?” His eyes widened. “You’re his wife?”

    “Yeah,” She was a little surprised by this man’s reaction. “We’ve been married over two years now.”

    “I didn’t realize he was married. I’ve met the guys a couple of times.” His green eyes gave him away. He had seen things.

    “Anyway, I should get down there and make sure the boys are behaving.” She smiled at him. “Have fun tonight.”

    “You too….”

    “Y/N.” She held her hand out. “I’m Y/N.”

    “I’m Jensen.” His intense stare warmed her at the same time chills traveled down her back. “It’s nice to meet you.”

    “You too. Enjoy the show.”

~*~

    Randall looked up when she came into the room. “Hey, Babe. Where were you?”

    “Smoke break.” She walked to the bar set up for the band and grabbed a water. “Mike and Jake are ready.”

    “Yeah, we all are.” Randall looked at her. “You know who you need to talk to, right?”

    “The head of the network. Make sure he knows the band would be a great addition to any soundtrack for their shows.” Y/N sat down. “I’m going home this weekend. It’s my grandpa’s birthday…”

    “We’re playing in Seattle.” Randall reminded her.

    “I know. Ashley will be there. She’s good. She knows what to do.”

    Randall was across the room in two seconds. He grabbed her arms, his grip painfully tight. “You’re not going anywhere, Y/N. Ashley’s too stupid to know what to do.”

    “Ashley’s better at the socializing than I am.” Y/N tried to get away from him. “Randall, let go of me!”

    “Y/N, don’t fucking play with me.” His eyes were dark, anger radiating from his skin. “I’m not stupid. You called an attorney.”

    Y/N started shaking. No one knew about that. She’d been careful. “Randall…”

    “You married me til death do us part. Neither of us are dead, Bitch.” He tossed her away and she fell over one of the chairs. She took a second before getting up and then checked her arms. Bruises.

    “Shit! Where’s my jacket?” She asked.

    Randall looked at her and shook his head. “Stupid cunt. You know I wouldn’t hurt you if you just did what you’re suppose to.”

    He slammed out of the dressing room, leaving her alone and shaking. Y/N turned and looked for the jacket. She couldn’t leave the room now without covering her arms.

    “Y/N, are you in here? Their about to…” Ashley didn’t knock. She never did. “Y/N?”

    “I need my jacket.” Y/N was still shaking. “I need to get through tonight.”

    “What happened?”

    “I told him I was going home.” Y/N bit her lip. “I wasn’t coming back and he found out.”

    “You weren’t coming back?” Ashley looked at her. “You were leaving him?”

    “He knows I spoke to an attorney.”

    “When?”

    “It doesn’t matter.” Y/N found her jacket and slipped it on. “I’m stuck, Ash. I’m not going anywhere.”

    “Jake and I can help you, Sweetie. Just say the word…”

    Y/N knew better now. Randall would probably insist that Clif go everywhere with her from now on. Clif was a nice man, but she didn’t know whether he’d support her or call Randall immediately. “Let’s get out there. Work the big names. Stars, networks executives, anyone with any pull.”

    “He doesn’t deserve you, Y/N.”

    Y/N said nothing as they made their way down the hall and into the huge room set up for the performance. Several people they knew stopped them to say hi. Y/N planted a smile on her face and did exactly what was expected.

    She turned at one point and found herself face to face with the man from the roof. “Hello.”

    “Hi, Y/N.” Jensen smiled at her. “Having fun?”

    “Of course.” She kept her smile up. “What about you?” He was probably an intern the record company forced to attend for numbers.

    “The band sounds good.” He said. The Wank Haters were on a break but Y/N was using that time to talk to anyone she’d seen paying attention during the performance. “Are you their publicist?”

    “What? No!” Y/N shook her head. “I’m just a supportive wife.”

    “Jensen! There you are. There’s a director over here who wants to meet you.” An older woman appeared. “Y/N? How are you?” Joanna Mills leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I thought I saw you wandering around.

    “Hi, Joanna. I’m good.” Y/N realized immediately that Jensen wasn’t an intern. Joanna only worked with actors and musicians she felt were worth it. This guy was someone special.

    “I have to steal Jensen away. You know how important these parties can be. Call me! We’ll do lunch next week.”

    “Yeah, sure.” Y/N’s eyes met Jensen’s as he was pulled in the direction of the director.

    “How are you doing?” Ashley appeared and handed Y/N a bottle of water.

    “Most want to know if the rumors are true.” Y/N was honest. “They asked about Jake’s month away from the tour.”

    “What did you tell them?”

    Y/N looked at her friend. “The truth, of course. It’s been a long two years and the stress is a lot for all of us. Jake needed time with his family and time to rest. The others agreed that it was the best things for him, and his family, and they supported him just as they’d support anyone else who decided to do the same.”

    “You’re amazing.” Ashley’s eyes showed her gratitude. “Thank you.”

    “If I can get Randall to get treatment, I’ll need you to back me up too.” Y/N told her. “That’s what we do here, Ash. We support each other.”

    “Remember that, Y/N.” Ashley said as she walked over to talk to another executive.

~*~

2002

Vancouver

    Jensen was sad to see Dark Angel end, but he knew it was time to move on. He’d learned a lot working on the show and was grateful for the experience. Jensen felt there was more out there for him.

    One of his friends from the props department stopped him on his way out. “The Wank Haters are playing tonight. Want to go? It’s a small venue but I think after what happened with Chris, they’re just trying to slowly come back.”

    The Wank Haters were in town? That meant Y/N would likely be with them. He knew he shouldn’t go. He’d thought about her nonstop since the first night he met her. He’d seen her a few times since then. She always smiled, played her part, but he saw something in her Y/E/C eyes. Sadness, loneliness…

    “What time?” Jensen asked. If Randall was distracted, maybe he’d be able to talk to Y/N for longer than a couple of minutes.

    He walked into the bar at eight. He saw his friend and made his way to the table. To his surprise, Ashley, Y/N, and two other women were sitting at the table next to theirs.  

    “Ladies!” Jensen smiled at them

    “Hey, you!” Ashley gave him a hug. “I forgot you were working up here! How are things?”

    “We filmed our last scenes of the show today. I’m flying to LA tomorrow for a farewell party and then home for a few weeks.” Jensen’s eyes met Y/N. “Hey, Y/N.”

    “Hi, Jensen.” Y/N smiled but turned back to her drink. The other two women shared a look. Rumors had started a few months before that Y/N was having an affair. Every time a man spoke to her, one of these two said something to Randall. Randall had questioned her already about Jensen. Ashley overheard the last time and told him that Jensen had a girlfriend. He was just a nice guy that seemed to want to make sure that they were okay when their husbands weren’t around. Randall had accepted that answer, that night, but who knew what his mood would be if the show didn’t go well.

    “We’ll be right back.” The two women stood and walked to the back. Clif was standing in front of the door and shook his head. He glanced over at Y/N who nodded. She wasn’t sure who the women were sleeping with, but she knew there would be hell if they weren’t allowed backstage.

    Jensen and Ashley started talking about some things he planned to do over the summer. Y/N was trying to ignore them. Jensen was always friendly, he was always sweet. Y/N dared to look at him and his smile was almost too much. She excused herself and went to the doors.

    “I need to talk to Randall.” She told Clif. “He was…”

    “Yeah, I know.” Clif gave her a look of sympathy. “You need me, you call.”

    “If Ashley or our friend want to come back, go head and let them. The guys know Jensen.” She smiled at her as she walked into the closed section. She saw the band, except for Randall, gathered around. Sighing, Y/N walked toward the back, hoping he hadn’t passed out again. As she neared the room, she saw the door opened and froze.

    Randall had one of the woman bent over, pounding her roughly from behind. She was occupied, her face buried in the pussy of the other woman. Y/N turned and saw Jensen directly behind her. He pulled her away quickly, out of the door at the very end of the hall.

    “Y/N?”

    “I knew he was….I didn’t think he’d do it where I could find him.” She looked younger than her twenty two years. “I’m such an idiot.”

    “He’s the idiot.” Jensen was furious. “Y/N, look at me.” She slowly moved her eyes to his. “Randall is a fucking asshole. He’s got a woman who supports him, loves him, and he treats you like shit. You deserve better than that.”

    “Do I?” She asked. “Really, Jensen? You don’t know me.”

    “I know you well enough to know that if you hadn’t issued the statement after Chris overdosed, the band would have been done. I know you well enough to know that the messes they make, you’re cleaning up!”

    “Stop!” She was crying. “Please, just stop!”

    “You’re too good for this.” Jensen touched her face. “You deserve so much better.”

    Ashley opened the door, concern on her face. “Hey….Shit.” She looked at Jensen who nodded. “Fuck, Y/N.”

    “We need to go back in. Randall can’t know I saw anything.”

    “Y/N, you need to confront him. Now!” Ashley grabbed her hand. “This is bullshit.”

    “Ashley!” Y/N shook her head. “We forget it.” She turned to Jensen. “You too. Please.”

    “Y/N, you…”

    “Jensen, please. If you can’t agree to let this go, I’ll have to ask you not to come around. At all.”

    It was in that moment that Jensen Ackles made a decision that would change his life forever. He could have walked away that night. A part of him said to kiss her forehead, turn and leave.

    Instead he slowly nodded. “Whatever you want, Y/N.”

    She went back through the door, leaving Ashley alone with Jensen.

    “You really just agreed to that?”

    “She’s smart, Ash. She’ll figure it out.”

    “I hope so.” Ashley said. “I just hope you don’t get hurt before she does.”

~*~

October 2004

LA

    Y/N rushed in and out of the shops. She was not looking forward to tonight’s show. The Wank Haters had lost a lot of their steam after Chris’s death. They still got booked, but not the way they did before. They were playing at a charity event that evening for Chris’s son. He was having heart surgery and the band was trying to help come up with the money to pay for it. The little boy had been taken from Chris’s ex and the grandparents were having a hard time. Y/N and Ashley had put together the show, with a few other bands, hoping they’d be able to ease the burden for the family.

    Her cell rang just as she was about to step into the next shop. “Hello?

    “Hey, Y/N.”

    Jensen Ackles had become a huge part of her life over the last couple of years. After the night in Vancouver, he told her to call him if she ever needed to talk. After a terrible fight with Randall, she gave in and called. That night started a friendship she cherished. A friendship she love but feared. Y/N feared seeing Jensen. Her feelings for him were dangerous.

    She froze. “Hi, Jen.”

    “I made it back in time for the show. I’ve got some friends coming with me.” He told her. “Ashley said you were trying to get some things finished…”

    Y/N sighed. “I’m running late, Jensen. I’ll talk to you tonight.”

    “Will you? You’ve been distant since the fourth of July.”

    She was quiet for several seconds. Y/N took a deep breath and finally spoke. “I know and I’m sorry. We should talk about it.”

    “Will you be able to sneak away at all?”

    “Yeah.” Randall had stopped paying attention to her in the last year. Y/N had stopped touring with them. They played mostly bars, festivals, small venues. Randall had her stop coming when he’d met his newest girlfriend. It suited Y/N just fine though. “Once the show starts, I’ll slip out the side and go to the beach. The spot we had Ashley and Jake’s anniversary party at.”

    “I’ll meet you there.” He promised.

~*~

    Y/N didn’t want to disappear without telling Ashley. The first band was playing so she felt comfortable leaving. She walked back to the office she and Ashley had used during the planning and heard her friend.

    “Damn, Baby! More!”

    Y/N smiled. She’d send a text and leave Ashley and Jake…

    “Oh, God, Randall! Fuck me harder!”

    Y/N would never be able to tell anyone how it happened, but she was suddenly in the office, screaming.

    “You asshole!”

    “Hey, Baby,” Randall was high. “Want to watch or you want to play?”

    “Y/N?” Ashley looked horrified. “It’s not…”

    “Don’t give me that shit.” Y/N shook her head. “I suspected something was up with you. You’ve been acting strange for weeks. I just didn’t suspect this.”

    “It’s…” Ashley sighed. “Jake and I are getting divorced. He’s been seeing someone else.”

    “So you decide to fuck my husband. A man you told me you hated!”

    Randall shrugged. “I don’t fucking like her much either.”

    “Y/N, it’s…”

    “Randall, the first band is on. Please remember the reason for this show. There’s a couple of tour promoters out there tonight. I’ve buttered them up. Ashley, reel them in.”

    “Where the fuck are you going?” Randall asked.

    “If I stay, I’m going to end up saying or doing something that is going to bring everything crashing down.” Y/N turned and slammed the door. She saw Jake in the hall. He was looking at the floor.

    “How long?”

    “Y/N…”

    “How long?”

    “On and off since high school. I left her a few months ago because she told me he was leaving you for her.” Jake sighed. “I lied and told her there was someone else. I’m trying to save face here.”

    “Whatever.” She was done. The Wank Haters didn’t need her anymore. She’d put up with too much in the six years she’d been married to Randall and forced to play mother to everyone. She passed Clif, who immediately saw her face.

    “What now?”

    “Tell me the truth. Did you know?”

    “Know what, Honey?” Clif adored her. He’d told her many times he stayed with the band for her.

    “He’s fucking Ashley.”

    Clif’s face darkened. “Y/N, I had no idea.”

    “I know you’ve stayed for me. I love you for it. I don’t think the band needs you anymore.” Y/N said. “In fact, they don’t need either of us anymore.”

    “You’re serious?” Clif asked.

    “Very.” She told him. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

~*~

    Jensen was shocked when she asked if she could meet him at his place. When he parked his car, he saw her standing outside the building. She looked up and smiled.

    “Y/N?”

    “Want to help me celebrate turning twenty five and getting my life back?”

    His eyes studied her face. “What happened?”

    “Everything.” She wasn’t going to go into details. There was no reason to. “I’m going to see an attorney in the morning.”

    “Wow.” Jensen led her to his apartment and unlocked the door. She was surprised by all the boxes. “I’m moving to Vancouver. It’ll make things easier later.”

    “Later?”

    “I did a pilot here a few weeks ago. The network is picking it up. I knew Smallville was one, maybe two seasons tops. This is a show of my own, with another guy.” he shrugged. “It’s not important, Y/N. Are you alright?”

    “Yes,” She told him. “I’m great. Better than I have been in a very long time.”

    “Beer?” He asked.

    She nodded. “That sounds great.” She walked to his balcony and whistled. “I had no idea you had such a great view.”

    He handed her the beer and shrugged. “It seems wasted most of the time. I haven’t really lived here. I travel so much for work, I’ve been wondering half the time why I bothered to rent this place.”

    She turned. “Do you like Vancouver?”

    “Yeah, it’s a great city.” Jensen told her. “It’s familiar. I think living there is going to take a lot of stress off me. I’ll get a room when I do have to come down here.”

    “You could stay with me.” She said. “If I stay here.”

    “Why would you?” Jensen wanted to know. “You’ve wanted to go home as long as I’ve known you.”

    “I thought that’s what I would want.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been writing a lot of songs lately. I’ve always loved music. I hate ninety percent of what the band plays, but I love music. I don’t want a career in it but I’ve been thinking about maybe starting my own label.”

    “You’d start a label?” Jensen asked, shocked.

    “There’s a lot of artists who don’t get any chances. They play dive bars at night and work shit jobs all day. I can’t promise I’d get them the recognition they deserve, but even a small label can help them out. I’ve been around this business long enough to know how it works. Hell, I produced the last two albums the band put out.”

    Jensen looked into her eyes and smiled. “Y/N, I think you could do anything you wanted. You’ve got my support.”

    She smiled back. “Thanks, Jensen.” She kissed his cheek softly and slowly moved away. Their eyes locked and she made a decision.

    He inhaled her scent as her lips moved to his. The kiss was slow, sweet, and neither made any attempts to deepen it at first. She set her beer down behind her, never breaking the kiss, and reached up to touch his face. His hands went around her waist and pulled her closer, scared the moment would end and she’d run away.

    Slowly, she moved her head and looked at him with a smile. “I’ve wanted that since the fourth of July.”

    “You weren’t ready then. I was impulsive and selfish.” Jensen pushed a piece of Y/H/C hair from her eyes. “Y/N, are you sure you’re through with him?” She nodded. “I want this, Baby. I have since I met you. Over the last few years, you’ve been on my mind constantly.”

    “Jensen…”

    “I love you.” He whispered. “I love you, Y/N.”

    Tears formed in her eyes. “I love you.”

    He took her hand and led her to his bedroom. Before opening the door, he turned and touched her cheek. “If you don’t want….”

    “I do.” She kissed him softly. “Jensen, tonight is about us. Tonight is a beginning for us.”

    He led her into the room and slowly to the bed. He sat down and she straddled his lap. Her hands found the hem of his shirt and quickly pulled it over his head. Jensen unbuttoned her top and pushed it down her arms as his lips gently brushed the newly exposed skin above her bra. His hand unhooked her bra and he moaned as it fell between them.

    In one shift motion, he moved and was on top of her, kissing her, gently teasing her nipples. Her hands reached down and opened his jeans, her feet moving to try and pull them from his body. He laughed at her impatience.

    “I’m not going anywhere, Y/N.”

    “I know,” She looked nervous, anxious. “I…”

    “Are you okay?” Jensen sat up. “We don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

    Y/N sat up and kissed him. “Jen, it’s been a long time and I’m scared.”

    “Baby, you don’t have to be scared of me.” He smiled at her. “I will never hurt you.”

    “I know,” Y/N’s tears fell freely. “Just be patient with me.” She laughed softly. “I’m a little nervous.”

    She kissed him then, her small hands touching his bare chest. His hands slowly moved to her waist. She shifted and together they moved to lay side by side. She sat up eventually and stood, unbuttoning her pants and slowly pushing them down. Jensen lifted his hips and finished removing his pants, leaving his boxers on for the time being. Y/N straddled him as he laid back.

    “Hey,” he touched her cheek. “We go as slow as you want.”

    “Thank you,” She leaned over and kissed him, her Y/H/C hair falling around their faces. He used both hands to push it back as the kiss deepened. She moved her lips to his neck and then slowly moved down his body, leaving a trail of soft kisses until she reached the top of his boxers. She stopped for only a second before gently pulling.

    Jensen lifted his hips as she slipped the boxers down, his hardened member springing out. Her eyes met his and a soft smile played at her lips. Her hand was soft as she gently wrapped her fingers around his cock and pumped a few times. Her lips was even softer as she kissed his shaft before slowly taking him in. Jensen moaned her name and fought the urge to thrust into her mouth. He let her set a pace that she was comfortable with. Her tongue, her lips, her hands worked perfectly together. Jensen resisted the urge to grab the back of her head.

    “Y/N, come here. Feels too good, Baby.” Jensen moved himself away. “Come here.”

    She moved up his body and was surprised when he gently rolled her over. His own lips moved to her breasts. He was gentle as he teased one nipple with his tongue, biting down with as little pressure as possible. His hands traveled down her body and looked into her eyes as his hands reached her panties.

    She nodded with a smile and Jensen slowly removed the silk material. He kissed her leg, moving up to her inner thigh. Jensen locked his eyes with hers as his tongue slowly teased her wet pussy. One of her hands moved to his hair and she moaned as his tongue kept the same slow movement.

    “Jensen, this is killing me!” She moaned.

    He smiled and moved just slightly faster. Her eyes widened when she heard “Mmm.” involuntarily leave his lips.

    “You taste amazing, Y/N,” Jensen’s eyes were dark with lust. He was finished teasing her. His tongue knew what she wanted and he knew exactly what she needed. The orgasm took her by surprise, Y/N screamed out his name as more tears fell. He worked her through it and then slowly moved up her body.

    “Sweetheart, I’m here.” Jensen misunderstood the tears. “I’m sorry…”

    “Jen, that was amazing,” She was shaking, part from the release, part from the emotions. “I’ve never….”

    “What?”

    She was glad the lights were out. Y/N was sure she was blushing. “Never like that.” She bit her lip. “I mean, I've….”

    He understood. “That was just the first of many, Y/N.” He kissed her softly. “Unless you want to stop.”

    “No, Jensen,” She reached between them and stroked his cock. “Please.”

    He reached into the nightstand and grabbed a condom. As much as he wanted to feel her around him, things were still complicated and would be for awhile. He sat up long enough to adjust the condom and then positioned himself over her. “If you want me to stop, I stop. I won’t be angry. This is about you, Baby. I want you to feel good.” He kissed her passionately. “I want you to feel loved.”

    “I do, Jen,” Y/N said. “I love you.”

    “I love you.” Their lips connected as he lined himself up, slowly moving himself inside her. She jumped and he stopped.

    “You’re bigger than I’m use to.” She whispered.

    Jensen nodded and waited before he moved. She felt incredible, wet and tight around him. “You are so beautiful.”

    “You’re beautiful,” she traced his face with her finger. “Jensen, please,” she kissed him, “I need you.”

    Slowly, he pushed himself in, whispering her name as he bottomed out. He took a minute to let her adjust to the fullness before he slowly moved.

    “That feels so good,” She said. “It feels so perfect.”

    “This is what it’s suppose to be, Baby,” Jensen told her. Their hands interlocked as his movements quickened. She felt the build up and didn’t fight it. Jensen whispered in her ear, “It’s okay, Y/N, I’ve got you.”

    She moved her hips with his, chasing another release. This time, Jensen’s lips crashed into hers as their passion erupted at the same time. Their lips stayed connected as their bodies worked through the orgasms. Slowly, Jensen pulled out of her, kissing her forehead.

    “I’ll be right back.” He smiled. “I’ll start a bath.”

    She couldn’t stop smiling. She loved Jensen. She had for a long time. Y/N had been scared to admit it to herself but tonight changed everything. She was free from the life she hated. She was free to love Jensen and to have a life with him.

    He came back in the bedroom and picked her up bridal style. “Are you alright? Are you sore?”

    “A little.” She admitted. “You’re the first real man I’ve ever been with.”

    Jensen chuckled as he gently set her in the tub. He got in and sat behind her, his arms wrapping around her protectively. “Sweetheart, this changes everything for us. For me.”

    “I know,” She turned her head to look at him. “I don’t want to stay in LA if you aren’t here.”

    Jensen thought about this. “I want you happy, Y/N. If that’s here, Vancouver, New York….”

    “I don’t think I would go to Vancouver immediately.” She was honest. “I’ll visit you often, but I got married when I was eighteen and I have never really had any time for just me.”

    “I know.” Jensen kissed the top of her head. “I don’t want to rush this, Baby. I want you to be sure.”

    “I am,” She turned, straddling him once again. “Jensen, I want this. I want us. I just want to know that I can be independent.”

    He smiled. “I think you are amazing.”

    “You’re pretty amazing yourself, Mr. Ackles.”

    He wanted her again, but he could tell she was tender. Jensen gently moved her and kissed her before getting out of the tub. “You need something to eat.” He said. “Relax. I’ll let you know when the food is ready.”

    “Thanks, Jensen,” She touched his hand. “Thank you.”

    He touched her cheek. “You don’t have to thank me for loving you, Y/N. Just keep smiling. You look so beautiful when you’re smiling.”

    Jensen slipped boxers on and walked to his kitchen. He didn’t have much so he grabbed the bacon, eggs, and made sure he had bread for toast. He checked his phone and saw ten missed calls from Ashley. He shook his head and set the phone down. He’d warn Y/N so she wouldn’t be surprised when she checked her own phone.

    He was surprised when he heard the doorbell a few minutes later. He went to his room and grabbed his jeans and a shirt. He quickly dressed and opened the door.

    “Is she here?” Ashley asked, her mascara running down her face.

    “What’s it matter?” Jensen asked.

    Ashley pushed her way in. “Something happened after the show. Randall left and he was drunk and stoned…” She took a deep breath. “He hit a kid.”

    “Fuck.” Jensen ran his fingers through his hair. “Damn it.”

    “He’s in jail. Everyone’s looking for Y/N.”

    Jensen knew what this meant. He knew this complicated things even more. “She’s here, Ashley.”

    “Her car is outside. I knew she was here. She’s sleeping?”

    “She’s taking a bath.” Jensen walked back to the stove. “I was just making her something to eat.”

    Ashley nodded and then looked at him. “Shit.”

    “She said she was through with him, Ashley. Y/N is through with him.”

    “Do you not understand the severity of the situation?” Ashley asked. “If anyone finds out about this, you and Y/N could be held responsible. You know how crazy people are! They’ll sue you both, claiming your affair drove Randall…”

    “What’s going on?” Y/N asked. She was wearing one of Jensen’s tee shirt and a pair of his boxers. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail.

    Ashley told her about the events of the evening. Y/N shook her head. “It’s not my problem anymore. You’re the one he’s fucking this month. You deal with it.”

    “Y/N, we need you.” Ashley pleaded. “Please help us with this one. I’ll talk to Randall. I’ll convince him to give you the divorce and give you whatever you want or need…”

    “I don’t want to help!” Y/N got angry. “How is the kid?”

    “I don’t know. He was going into surgery.”

    Jensen walked to Y/N and turned her to face him. “Baby, you have to go deal with this. For you and for us.”

    “Jen…”

    “I’ll be here, Y/N.” he smiled at her. “I’ll be here. Go take care of this and come home.” He kissed her softly. “I’ll be here.”

    She nodded and went to get dressed. When she came back, Ashley was gone. Jensen was leaning against the counter, his head down and a worried expression on his face.

    “Jen, I don’t have to go.”

    He knew different. “Deal with this, Y/N. It’ll make things for us easier in the long run. Go deal with this and come back to me.”

    Y/N kissed him. “I won’t be long.”


	2. Chapter 2

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Two**

December 2009

    Y/N looked around nervously, wondering if she would see anyone she knew. Most people were giving her small glances. She looked familiar to most people, but they couldn’t recall where they’d seen her before.

    She’d left LA two years before. The decision had been easy after Randall and the rest of the Wank Haters were killed in a bus crash in Europe. Y/N hated LA and had never wanted to live there. Once the funerals, memorials, and legal stuff was done, she put the house on the market and left.

    It took her a week, but she drove into Austin, Texas and decided to hang around for a couple of weeks with an old friend. Three weeks later, she was moving into a small apartment of her own. The house in LA, along with the houses in Hawaii, London, and Atlanta, sold quickly. Randall had invested in the properties after Y/N and a financial adviser pushed him to think long term. Y/N knew the money was more than she’d ever need, but she held onto it. There was always a small chance that maybe one day, she’d still have the family she dreamed of.

    Her mind always went back to late 2004. Randall hit that child, but luckily he pulled through. Y/N paid the hospital and therapy bills, and also helped the mother with living expenses so she could stay home with her son until he recovered. Randall avoided prison by going to rehab. He was there six months and Y/N knew it wouldn’t last.

    She filed for divorce quietly, but the band’s manager stopped it. He screamed at her, threatened her, and then told her that they knew the truth. They knew about Jensen. They threatened to make calls, have him fired from Smallville before the end of his run and threatened to have his new show ruined before it could take off.

    Y/N ended it with him that night. He pleaded with her not to listen to others. He told her that he’d go to the network himself, but she made him promise not to do anything rash. She’d kissed him goodbye and left. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since.

    While Randall was in rehab, she was offered a small role on One Tree Hill. It was three episodes, nothing special, but a friend of a friend thought she could use a distraction. She met Danneel Harris on the set and they instantly clicked. They hung out on and off set, ended up booking the same flight back to LA, and then spent their off time there together. After her run on the show ended, she and Danneel caught up whenever they were both in the same city. Two years ago, when Y/N left LA to get away from the nightmare that was her life, Danneel had been working on a film.

    Danneel was working on a film with her friend Jensen.

    Danneel, like many others, had heard rumors. She never asked Y/N though. Y/N had confessed one drunken night that she hated Randall but was stuck. Danneel sensed there was more but she hadn’t pushed.

    Y/N knew Danneel was now engaged to Jensen. She’d been able to avoid seeing him after all these years, but she knew it would eventually happen. Danneel was too dear a friend to avoid forever.

    It had occurred to her that any of the times she’d seen Danneel since the start of the relationship, she could have, should have, told her friend the truth. She knew Danneel was happy though. She told Y/N that she had never thought she’d love someone the way she loved Jensen. Y/N smiled when Danneel said that, her heart aching, knowing all too well that feeling.

    Y/N looked around the room, wondering just how long she had to stay. The Wank Haters last album was being released. The record company had a lot of songs they’d never released and someone had the idea the year before to release everything as a memorial. Y/N hated the idea, but the other three wives, including Ashley, wanted it. They were promised money if they all signed off on it.

    The other wives were standing next to the big wigs from the record company, kissing their asses, flirting, no doubt trying to make sure that they were still getting their checks. Y/N rolled her eyes and turned around to leave. She couldn’t stay a moment longer.

    “Y/N!” Danneel surprised her. She threw her arms around Y/N and squeezed her. “I wasn’t sure you’d come, or stay if you did, but I wanted to be here just in case!”

    “Thanks, Dee.” Y/N hugged her back. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be here?”

    “I wasn’t sure. Things have been kind of crazy with the wedding plans, the holidays, and everything else.” Danneel looked behind her. “Jay! Jared!”

    Y/N’s eyes met his. He paused for a second before smiling and walking over. “Hi, Y/N. It’s been a long time.”

    “Five years.” She smiled at him. “You look great, Jen. Congratulations on the show, and on the engagement.”

    Danneel squeezed her friend’s hand and leaned in, “Jay told me, Y/N. It’s okay.” Y/N looked at her. “I’m not mad you didn’t tell me. I understand.”

    “I…”

    A very tall man with a petite dark haired woman joined them. Jensen introduced them to Y/N. “This is Jared Padalecki and his fiance, Genevieve Cortese. This is Y/N Longley. She’s actually an old friend of mine, and Dee’s, from different times.”

    Jared knew. Y/N realized that right away. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”

    “You too. Congratulations on your engagement.” She smiled at the two happy couples. “I’m actually on my way out. I stayed long enough for the press to get a few pictures.” She looked at Danneel. “The Wank Haters are the last thing I want to celebrate.”

    “Let’s go!” Danneel grabbed her hand and pulled her out, Jensen and the others following. Once outside, Y/N laughed. “Do you know how many times I wanted to do that and couldn’t?”

    “Where do you want to go?” Danneel asked. “Jensen and Jared have to catch a flight back to Vancouver to wrap up before the holidays but after we drop them off, we could…”

    Y/N smiled and grabbed her phone. She sent Danneel a text with her room information. “If you two are cool with staying in, we can order room service and hang out.”

    Danneel look to Gen, who nodded with a smile. “That sounds amazing to me!”

    Y/N smiled. “Great! I’ll see you in a little while.”

~*~

    Jensen and Jared settled into their seats before Jared said anything. “How you doing?”

    “I’m good. She looked great. Happier.”

    “You were still in love with her when I met you.” Jared looked at him. “I know you love Danneel and I’m not at all insinuating….”

    “Jared,” Jensen looked at him with a smile. “I’m glad I saw her. I’m glad Danneel told her that she knows everything. I’m glad that Y/N and Danneel have their friendship and maybe Y/N and I can get back there one day.”

    Jared said nothing for a long time and then had to ask, “How do you feel about her, Jay?”

    “I’ll always love her.” Jensen said. “Danneel and I have talked about that. There’s always going to be a small part of me who will always love Y/N but I am in love with Danneel. I am going to marry her in May.”

    Jared nodded. “I know. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

    “Thanks.” Jensen smiled. “I am. I feel really good about things.”

~*~

    Y/N looked around her office one late afternoon in April, exhausted. Eighteen months, five bands, three solo acts, and more headaches than she cared to think about but Brickhouse Records would officially start releasing music by it’s artists the next week. Y/N had each of her artists booked at fairs, parties, and one of the young solo artists was going on a small club tour the next month.

    Her phone buzzed and she took a deep breath. She’d been ignoring the texts all day but knew she couldn’t any longer. Danneel and Jensen had traveled to Texas to take care of a few things for their wedding the next month. She’d been invited, of course, but she didn’t plan to attend.

    She called Danneel instead of replying to the text. “Hey, sorry. It’s been a crazy week.”

    “We’re in Austin!” Danneel laughed. “We drove down for the weekend. Jared and Gen have a house there.”

    “I ran into them a couple of months ago.” Y/N smiled. Jared and Gen were adorable and happy newlyweds. She’d bought them a couple of drinks the night she ran into them and Gen promised to call her the next time she was in town for lunch. They’d seen each other twice since. “What’s your plans? Want to have lunch or dinner tomorrow?”

    “Jensen and I are on our own tonight. We’ve got a room downtown. Want to meet for dinner and drinks?” Danneel sounded hopeful. “We’d love to see you.”

    Y/N looked around her office. She really had no excuses to not meet them. She knew seeing Jensen would be hard. Y/N also knew that her friendship with Danneel would suffer more if she didn’t work through it.

    “When and where?”

    “Really?”

    “Yeah!”

    A few hours later, she walked into the Four Seasons Hotel. They were meeting at TRIO. She was hoping to have a drink, maybe get some fries to snack on, and leave after an hour.

    Once she reached the restaurant, she saw them at the bar. Danneel was talking to the bartender, pointing to something on the shelf. Jensen was laughing. Y/N smiled at the sight. Jensen laughed with his whole body. Y/N took a step back, prepared to leave. As much as she loved Danneel, she couldn’t be around Jensen. She was still too in love with him.

    Just as she was about to turn and run, Jensen seemed to sense her presence. His eyes met hers and his smile grew. He motioned for her to join them. She started to shake her head, but Danneel turned around and waved.

    Caught, Y/N walked to them and hugged Danneel. “You look great!”

    “So do you!” Danneel kissed her cheek. “Damn, girl! That dress looks great!”

    Y/N looked down. The black strapless dress was simply, something she wore to dinner with friends. “I had it in the office with the shoes.” She confessed. “I keep it with me so I have something to wear if I’m running late for something in the evenings.”

    Jensen stood up. “Hey, Y/N.”

    “Hi, Jen.” She was surprised when he leaned down and kissed her cheek. Danneel winked at her, as if to say things were going to be alright.

    “I was just asking the bartender what kind of special cocktails he could make us.” Danneel sat down. “He’s making a few for us to try.”

    Y/N sat down next to her and laughed. “I haven’t eaten, Dee! I need some food before…”

    “Jay ordered some things.” Danneel told her. “We both know you, Y/N/N. You probably haven’t eaten a full meal in two or three days.”

    “I have…” Y/N stopped. “Shit.”

    Jensen laughed. “We figured.” He motioned for the bartender to put in the second part of their order.

    “Second part?” Y/N asked.

    “Appetizers are coming.” He glanced at her as a drink was set in front of her. She saw him draw in a breath as he watched her and Danneel for a few minutes.

    Three hours later, she was feeling the effects of the alcohol and knew she was going to have to get a cab back to her apartment. “It’s getting late…”

    “It’s barely nine!” Danneel was also drunk. “Come on, let’s go upstairs!”

    “Dee, I really…”

    Jensen settled the bill and smiled at both women. “Let’s go upstairs and hang out. Sober up…”

    Y/N finally agreed. Danneel linked arms with her as they made their way to the elevator. Jensen walked close behind them, protectively. Once in the elevator, he pushed the button for their floor and looked back as the door closed.

    “A lesser man would hit the stop button and try and see if a few fantasies could come true.” His smile growing.

    Danneel laughed. “Well that could be fun, couldn’t it?”

    Y/N laughed. “Right, like either of you would ever do anything like that.”

    The elevator stopped and Danneel grabbed her hand. She pulled Y/N with her, leaving Jensen to walk behind them. Once in their room, Danneel walked to the mini bar and produced a bottle of whiskey. “Shots!”

    “I thought I was going to sober up.” Y/N walked to Danneel. “Maybe I should just sleep on the couch.”

    “There’s plenty of room in the bed!” Danneel giggled. “Jensen can sleep in the middle.”

    “Don’t tease.” Y/N saw that he was drunk also. He reached over and took the bottle of whiskey. After a long sip, he handed it back to Danneel and gave her a kiss that quickly could have turned into something if Y/N hadn’t been in the room. When he pulled away, he looked to Y/N with a smile.

    Y/N felt herself sobering slightly. Jensen and Danneel were in need of alone time. “I’m going to call a cab.” She stood as Jensen sat in the middle of the couch Danneel and Y/N had moved to.

    “No! Y/N!” Danneel kicked her shoes off and put her feet in Jensen’s lap. “Relax!” She passed the bottle of whiskey to Y/N. It was then she made a decision that would change everything.

    She took a sip and decided to stay the night. She sat down on the other side of Jensen.

    Danneel started telling her about the idea she and Jensen were tossing around. “We want to buy a house here!”

    “In Texas?”

    “Austin.” Jensen said. “I miss Texas and I always loved Austin.”

    “It’s close to my family.” Danneel said. “Jared and Gen are here, you’re here!”

    Y/N moved her legs under her as she turned to sit facing them. “It would be nice to see you more often.”

    “We miss you,” Danneel held her hand out. Y/N took it and smiled. “You’re so special to us.”

    “You both mean a lot to me.” Y/N smiled at them as she squeezed Danneel’s hand. Jensen’s hand reached over and stroked her cheek. She looked stunned by the gesture. He smiled and slowly moved his hand away.

    Y/N took a very long sip from the whiskey bottle and saw Danneel and Jensen’s eyes connecting, their smiles growing. Danneel straddled Jensen’s lap and kissed him. Y/N looked down. Biting her lip, she started to slowly stand, but Danneel grabbed her hand and gently pulled her to sit back down. Danneel’s lips moved to Jensen’s neck and he looked into Y/N’s eyes.

    “Come here, Darlin’.” His voice was gentle.

    “Y/N,” Danneel turned. “Don’t leave.”

    “You two need privacy…”

    “Join us,” Danneel managed to pull her to sit down. Jensen moved his hand to the hem of her skirt as Danneel’s hand touched her face. “Y/N, have you ever been with a woman?”

    “No,” Y/N shook her head.

    Danneel’s hand gently stroked her cheek. “You’ve never had a threesome then?”

    Y/N shook her head again, completely shocked. She’d had more to drink than she first thought. “This isn’t…”

    Danneel smiled at her and looked sideways at Jensen. He gave her a nod and she slowly leaned over and gently touched her lips to Y/N’s. Y/N was shocked at first, but felt herself relaxing. Their lips slowly parted, allowing tongues to gently explore each other’s mouths. Jensen’s hands moved to their backs and Y/N felt him slowly tug at her zipper. She and Danneel moved away from each other. Danneel stood and let her dress fall to the floor. Y/N realized her dress had fallen around her waist.

    She stood, allowing the fabric to fall to her feet. Danneel’s hands reached behind Y/N and unhooked the strapless black bra she was wearing.

    “Leave your panties on. Both of you.” Jensen was sitting back on the couch, his arms stretched across the back. “The two most beautiful woman in the world are right in front of me.”

    “What do you want us to do?” Danneel asked as Y/N bravely unhooked Danneel’s bra. She tossed it at Jensen who laughed.

    “Me.” He winked. “I want both of you comfortable.” He stood up and wrapped one arm around each of their waists. “If either of you become uncomfortable, we stop.” Jensen’s hands gently pulled both of the women closer to him. “You both mean more to me than you know. I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I don’t want anyone to regret anything we do tonight.”

    Danneel kissed Jensen softly. “I love you, Baby.”

    “I love you, Danneel.” Jensen smiled at her. “Are you okay with this?” She nodded. “Y/N,” He moved his hand to cup her face. “Sweetheart, I know this is kind of out of nowhere, but long story short, Danneel and I have talked about this, with you.” His green eyes met her Y/E/C eyes. “We trust you.”

    “We both love you.” Danneel smiled at her. “And you love us.”

    Y/N was shaking as she took Danneel’s hand and touched Jensen’s face. “I do love you both. I trust you both.” She looked back and forth. “You’re getting married next month.”

    Jensen turned his full attention to her. “Y/N, we know this is a lot to ask. To a lot of people, this would be a night of fun with two old friends. You and I are more than old friends. Danneel’s your best friend. We don’t want to lose you, Darlin’. We need you.”

    Danneel brings Y/N’s hand to her lips. “There’s no one in the world I would trust to share this with, Y/N.”

    “Things won’t change?” Y/N was looking at Danneel. “I don’t want you to ever doubt me, Dee.”

    “Never.”

    “Okay,” Y/N smiled at them. “Just once.” She told them, biting her lip.

    Danneel moved in front of her, their breasts touching. “Sit down, Jay.”

    “Am I getting a show?” He asked.

    Danneel looked at Y/N, who nodded with a smile. Danneel pulled Y/N’s hair out of the twist she’d chosen to wear for the night. Her Y/h/c hair fell around her shoulders. Danneel led her to the couch, whispering in her ear. Y/N looked at Jensen with a smile. He was still fully clothed. He had a smile on his face as he watched the women. He was leaning back, his legs spread, arms behind his head. Each women sat on one of his thighs. He sat up, his hands moving to their upper thighs, gently rubbing them as Danneel and Y/N both moved to kiss his neck. Y/N started unzipping his pants, Danneel tugged at his shirt. Y/N’s lips met Danneel’s just inches from Jensen’s.

    He leaned forward, his lips touching the corners of both their mouths. The women both turned their heads toward him. Y/N backed away to allow Danneel to kiss Jensen with no interference. She moved next to Jensen, sitting on her knees, her hands on their heads, playing with their hair. Danneel moaned as Jensen’s lips moved down to take one of her nipples into his mouth. Y/N slowly started to move, but Jensen’s hand grabbed her and pulled her back.

    “Where are you going?” He asked.

    “I just…”

    “Don’t leave,” Danneel moved between Jensen’s legs. He lifted his hips so she could slide his pants and boxers off. Y/N took in the sight of his hard, beautiful cock and took a deep breath.

    “Like what you see?” Jensen whispered in her ear. She nodded, reaching for the whiskey bottle next to her and taking another sip. Her eyes met Danneel’s as she watched her hand wrap around Jensen’s shaft and pump a few times before she took him into her mouth. Jensen moaned her name before looking at Y/N. He looked into her eyes, an understanding passing between them. Y/N almost jumped up again, but his lips crashed into hers with a gentle, passionate force. Her body froze at first. She hadn’t been with a man since the night they shared years before.

    “It’s okay, Y/N.” Jensen’s voice was gentle. “Let yourself go. We’ve got you.”

    Danneel’s mouth was still working Jensen’s cock. He pulled her away and told her to sit on the couch. He stood and pulled Y/N with him. “Kneel.” He encouraged her.

    She dropped to her knees in front of Danneel. Danneel moved to the edge of the couch and kissed her. “It’s okay. We’ll take care of you.”

    “We’ll all take care of each other.” Y/N smiled at her. This time, the kiss was different. The women allowed their hands to wander more freely as they relaxed completely and let things happen. Jensen kneeled behind Y/N, pulling her panties down her legs. His lips kissed the back of her neck, his hands traveled down her body. His eyes met Danneel’s. She saw that he wanted this, but he was hesitating.

    “It’s okay, Baby,” Danneel winked. “This is what we all want.”

    Y/N moved her lips down to Danneel’s breasts. She ran her tongue over one nipple, teasing Danneel in ways she herself enjoyed. Danneel’s head fell back as her hands played with Y/N’s hair. Y/N moved, getting on her knees and trailed her tongue down Danneel’s body. She pulled Danneel’s panties down her legs and tossed them aside. She looked into her best friend’s eyes and smiled before shyly moving her tongue over Danneel’s hot, wet folds.

    “Oh, God!” Danneel moaned.

    Jensen’s body pressed against her, his hands slowly moving between her legs. One finger teased her, a moan escaping her lips as he slipped his finger inside her pussy and gently pumped a few times before moving a second finger in.

    Y/N’s tongue worked faster, Danneel’s moans loud, begging for more, until her orgasm took over. She screamed out Y/N’s name as Jensen kissed the skin under Y/N’s ears and whispered, “She likes this.”

    “Mmm Hmm.” Y/N pressed her ass against his hard on.

    “Do you want me?” Jensen’s fingers worked her close to the edge.

    “I do…don’t want…” She come hard on his fingers, tears in her eyes.

    “Don’t want what, Sweetie,” Danneel asked.

    “Upset you.”

    Danneel leaned forward, pushing Y/N’s hair over her shoulder. “You’re not going to upset me, Y/N.” She kissed her gently. “Jensen knows what he’s doing. He’s not going to hurt you.”

    “I know,” Y/N turned her head and saw his green eyes on hers, a sweet smile on his face.

    “If you don’t want…”

    “I do,” She looked back at Danneel. “Are you…” her friend nodded. Y/N bit her lip and kissed Danneel. Danneel gently turned her around to straddle Jensen. “Ride him, Y/N.”

    Jensen laid back and took Danneel’s hand. “Come up here,” He smiled at her. Danneel’s smile grew and she moved to position herself over Jensen’s hungry mouth, facing Y/N.

    Y/N took Jensen into her hand, pumping him up and down a few times before position and slowly lowered herself, allowing his plump, hard shaft to fill her. She closed her eyes, shock, happiness, and fear taking over.

    Danneel leaned forward and kissed her. She seemed to sense the thoughts running through Y/N’s head. Y/N slowly rode Jensen as her walls were stretched as they’d been the last time she was with him. His hand took hers, his thumb gently rubbed the back of her hand.

    Danneel broke their kiss and rested her head against Y/N’s forehead. Both women began moving faster. His name came from both lips. Danneel came first, screaming both their names. She moved and kissed Jensen as Y/N’s release came quickly after, her hips moving as fast as possible. Jensen came very soon after as he fucked himself into Y/N. She collapsed on top of him, her lips greeted by his before Danneel moved in and kissed her. The three stayed like that for what seemed like hours before Danneel gave them both one last kiss.

    “I’ll go get a bath ready.” She said. “Jensen, could you order some food, babe?”

    “Sure,” He smiled at Danneel. “I’ll do it while you’re taking care of Y/N.”

    Y/N heard that, but her mind was racing with a thousands thoughts. What had she done? What was she thinking? She started to move, but Jensen’s arms wrapped around her.

    “Are you okay?” He asked. She nodded. “Y/N, are you sure?”

    “I’m fine, Jen. I’m in shock, I think.”

    He kissed the top of her head. “Darlin’, I think all three of us might be.”

    Y/N moved to look at him. “I don’t know if I….”

    “Y/N, the bath is ready.” Danneel called from the bathroom.

    Y/N slowly sat up. She was still shaking. As she stood, she heard Jensen whisper her name. She turned and saw his smile.

    “We both love you, Y/N.”

    She felt tears sting her eyes. “Jen…”

    He stood. This time he kissed her lips. “Go take a bath and relax. I’ll order some food.”

    Danneel closed the door behind her and smiled. “Go ahead and get in.”

    “I…”

    “Go on.”

    Y/N wasn’t surprised when Danneel stepped into the tub after her. She moved before her and rubbed her shoulders. “Sweetie, thank you.” Danneel kissed her neck. “Tonight was amazing.”

    “Yeah,” Y/N felt her body shaking.

    “Hey,” Danneel wrapped her arms around her. “Y/N, we love you.”

    “I love you both. I just didn’t…”

    Danneel sighed. “I didn’t either. Jay and I talked about it but I kind of thought we’d ease you into the idea.”

    “How?”

    “Talk to you about it, give you time to think about it.” Danneel grabbed a clean loofa and body soap. She lathered the soap on and gently washed Y/N’s skin. “I meant what I said. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with Jensen. He wouldn’t trust anyone else with me.”

    Jensen knocked on the door almost forty minutes later. Y/N had been quiet, Danneel was worried. The women dried themselves. Jensen handed Y/N a robe and smiled.

    “We didn’t exactly plan to ask you to do this tonight but we did buy you a gift earlier.”

    “Thank you.”

    They were quiet as they ate. Jensen reached over and stroked Y/N’s cheek. “Thank you.”

    “Thank you.” Y/N wasn’t sure they understood. This was a goodbye. They’d be married soon, starting their life together. She’d be the woman they had a threesome with one drunken night. An old friend they would rarely see, never talk to….

    “Let’s get some sleep.” Danneel smiled at her. “The bed is large enough…”

    “I need to go.” Y/N said.

    “Sweetheart, it’s late.” Jensen looked worried.

    Danneel looked into her eyes. “Are you running away?”

    “Yes.” Y/N grinned. “Tonight was great. I just need time to process it. I need time to think.”

    “Are you good to drive?”

    Y/N nodded. She’d sobered up considerably over the last two hours. “I’m good. I’ll be careful. My apartment is only three miles away.”

    She dressed quickly. Danneel’s eyes met hers one last time. “Please call me.” She kissed her softly. “Love you.”

    “Love you.”

    Jensen lifted her chin. “We’ll see you soon.” He kissed her but she broke the kiss before it could deepen. He gave her a small smile. “Love you.”

    “Love you.” She whispered. “Good night.”

    She left the room and rushed to the elevator. Once inside, she made sure that her hair was decent. She saw the marks on her shoulders and neck and hoped she could get outside before anyone saw her.

    Once in her car, Y/N put her hands on the steering wheel and let the events of the night catch up to her. She cried softly, terrified of the repercussions of their actions. She started her engine and then saw him.

    Jensen was standing outside the door of the hotel, watching her. She saw the concern on his face. She smiled at him and blew him a kiss. He smiled back and mouthed, “Nothing’s changed, Y/N. Nothing at all.”

    She knew better though.

~*~

    Y/N spoke to Danneel often. They never discussed what happened, in detail, but Y/N felt that if they did, it needed to be in person. Danneel asked her whether she’d be at the wedding. A part of her wanted to go. She loved them, she knew they loved each other, and she was happy for them.

    Part of her wasn’t sure she could handle the emotions that could surface that day.

    Y/N called Gen and got details about the Honeymoon. She made arrangements for special treats to be delivered to them everyday. She sent a text to Danneel, explaining her reasons for not going, but telling her that she’d see them again. She didn’t know when but she promised to see Jensen and Danneel again. Y/N knew things would be different though, in more ways than one.


	3. Chapter 3

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Three**

    The flight to LA was uneventful. Y/N knew that would be the easiest part of her trip - the promotional company for the tour her artist was about to embark on had sent a list of demands. Her artist, a twenty year old from Allen, Texas, didn’t like the restrictions they were putting on her. Y/N was going to try and help both sides reach a compromise. She agreed with some of what the company was asking for, but also understood her artist’s apprehension at what she considered unreasonable demands.

    Three hours later, Y/N sent the text.  _30-45 minutes. Meet me in lobby._

This meeting was almost over. Unfortunately for Bridget, her young artist with the amazing voice, her opportunity for the tour was also.

    Bridget refused to agree to anything, made demands of her own, and Y/N eventually asked to table the discussion until Monday morning. Bridget was surprised, questioning whether Y/N had a plan. Y/N informed her that she had a plan that Bridget wasn’t going to like. They’d signed a temporary contract, something a friend suggested until Y/N was sure of the artists she wanted to sign. Bridget’s contract was technically up and they were suppose to discuss a long term agreement, but Y/N recognized that Bridget was going to be more trouble than she was worth. She’d suspected it a few months earlier, but today’s meeting confirmed it.

    Y/N stopped by the office of one of the executives and told them Bridget was no longer on her label. With a raised brow, the executive asked about another artist, a young man from Georgia Y/N caught at an Austin bar a few months ago and thought was phenomenal. Y/N promised to make the call and they wished each other a nice weekend, agreeing to meet on Monday.

    Her nerves went into overdrive as she rode the elevator down. She had not seen Danneel or Jensen since the month before their wedding. She replayed that night in her head a million times. It was not anything she’d planned, thought about, or considered. It happened though. Y/N knew after six months, she was going to have to talk about it.

    “Y/N!” Danneel saw her immediately. “Where are your bags?”

    “The hotel.” She’d barely had time to check in and change before heading to the meeting.

    Danneel wanted to say something, but only smiled. “Are you hungry? I’m starving!”

    Y/N laughed. “I am too. I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday.”

    “Y/N! You know better!” Danneel looked at her. “You have to take care of yourself, Babe!”

    “I know. It’s been a crazy week.” She sighed. “How are you? How’s Jen?”

    Danneel smiled. “We’re great. He sends his love. They’re working through the weekend so they can possibly break early for Thanksgiving. I can’t believe it’s two weeks away.”

    Y/N hadn’t thought about it. She hadn’t celebrated a holiday in years. “What are your plans?”

    “Nothing. Our parents thought we’d be taking a trip so they made plans. Jared and Gen are going to visit her family. Jay and I were thinking quiet holiday by the pool.”

    “Sounds amazing.” Y/N smiled. “I’m probably going to be working.”

    “No! You can’t work on Thanksgiving!” Danneel shook her head. “Okay, where’s your hotel?”

    “Aren’t you going to buy me lunch first?”

    The words, an old joke between friends, hung in the air. Danneel’s eyes met hers and they shared a smile. Danneel took both her hands and looked into her eyes.

    “I want you to stay at the house with me. It’s huge and it’s lonely. I would have suggested it right away but I was scared you wouldn’t even see me.”

    Y/N squeezed her hands. “Dee, I don’t want what happened to ruin our friendship. I don’t want it to be something you and Jen look back on and regret either.”

    “We don’t. I promise.” Danneel’s eyes were sincere. “Please stay with me. I’ve missed you.”

    “I’ve missed you too.” Y/N smiled at her. “As long as you’re positive it’s alright, I’d love to stay with you.”

~*~

    Bridget wasn’t going away quietly. She was camping out at the label in Austin, waiting for Y/N to return. Y/N was staying in LA until the first week of December. Wally, her young artist from Georgia, was charming everyone who met him. He was immediately signed onto the tour and Y/N was made an offer by a bigger record company to buy out his contract.

Wally wasn’t convinced the bigger company was better and wanted to meet with everyone before any decisions were made. He was playing several shows around LA now that Bridget was gone and he was set to start the tour in the middle of January.

    Jensen came home a week after Y/N arrived in LA. Y/N had discreetly disappeared before he arrived at the house and didn’t see either of them until noon the next day. Danneel was all smiles. She was glowing after the amazing night with her husband. Jensen returned Danneel’s smiles but was more reserved with Y/N than she expected.

    After a week, Danneel mentioned Thanksgiving. Y/N smiled and said she’d move to a hotel so they could have their first holiday as a married couple without the third wheel.

    “Y/N, you’re not a third wheel!” Danneel surprised her with a kiss. Y/N was surprised by how forward Danneel was. She was more surprised by how much she enjoyed the feeling of Danneel’s soft lips.

    Jensen looked shocked when Danneel and Y/N finally moved away from each other.

    “Is there something I should know?” he asked, his voice deep with concern and desire.

    “No,” Danneel said as she touched his cheek. “We haven’t done anything. We talked about that night. We’re all good.”

    “That wasn’t exactly the kiss of two best friends, Dee.” Jensen’s eyes met his wife’s.

    “Jen, nothing happened,” Y/N told him. “I’m going to take a shower. I have to meet Wally before his show.”

    “We’re meeting some friends for dinner,” Danneel reminded her. “We shouldn’t be too late.”

    “Me either.” Y/N saw Jensen’s eyes watching her. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to know what he was thinking. Instead she walked to the room she’d been sleeping in since arriving in LA and took her shower quickly. She locked the door, grabbed her bags, and packed her things. Jensen and Danneel were already gone when she hauled her bags to the rental car she’d gotten the week before.

    She’d overstayed her welcome. Jensen was not comfortable having her there. She was invading his home and she hated the tension between them. It was cowardly to leave this way, but she’d call Danneel and explain herself. Her heart broke as she drove to the hotel. She’d lied about meeting Wally. He wasn’t playing that night. Y/N had needed an excuse to get away.

    A few hours later, there was a knock on the door. Surprised, Y/N looked through the peephole and saw him. Slowly, she opened the door. Before she could say anything, he was in the room.

    “Why the hell did you leave like that? Danneel is worried sick about you! I was worried!”

    Y/N closed the door and wrapped her arms around her body. “Jen, you’ve been so tense. You didn’t want me there. I hated that you seemed uncomfortable in your own home.”

    “You think I don’t want you there?” Jensen pulled her into his arms. His eyes met hers and they stared at each other for several minutes. His hand stroked her cheek gently as a small smile grew on his lips. “I want you there, Y/N. We both do.”

    “Then why…”

    Jensen released her and walked to the bed. He sat down and put his head in his hands. “Everything got complicated. Danneel and I were talking one night. You came up. She told me you were the only woman she’d ever really felt attracted to sexually. I told her about the night we were together.”

    “And then Austin happened.” She sat on the bed, a safe distance from him.

    “We… I didn’t think it was going to happen. At least not that night. Danneel was feeling brave and you didn’t run away screaming as soon as she kissed you.” He looked at her. “What were you thinking?”

    “I’ve thought about that night a lot. I wish I had an answer but I don’t. Two of the most beautiful people in the world wanted me, I’d been drinking, I hadn’t had sex in…” She looked at him. “Five years.”

    He reached for her hand. “Y/N, that night was amazing. Dee and I both wanted you. You wanted us. It felt right. I know it’s not the kind of relationship any of us ever thought about but,” he paused, his green eyes looked into her Y/E/C eyes, “we want something impossible.”

    “What?”

    “We want you. We want you with us.” Jensen jumped up. “I thought maybe saying it aloud to you might make me feel better. It’s crazy! Danneel deserves better. You deserve better.”

    “What about you?”

    Jensen looked back at her. “I love Danneel. I love her with all my heart. She’s my whole world.”

    “That’s the way it’s suppose to be.” Y/N smiled at him.

    “I’m still in love with you. She knows it and she’s okay with it. She loves you too.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry that any of this was brought up.”

    “I’m not,” Y/N said. “I want things to be good with all of us! I love you both so much. I don’t want to lose Danneel. I don’t want to lose you again.”

    “That’s never going to happen, Darlin’,” Jensen promised her. “Never.”

    She bit her lip and ran her fingers through her hair. “Jen, go spend the night with your wife. Give her my love. I’ll call her and make plans to meet tomorrow to talk.”

    “You’re staying here?”

    “For tonight at least,” Y/N told him. “Let me have some time, Jensen.”

    He stood in the middle of the room, his shoulders tense, his eyes searching her face for something. “Y/N?”

    “Danneel wants this… relationship?”

    “Yeah,” Jensen smiled at her. “I do too.”

    Y/N took a deep breath. “I don’t really know what to say or think. You said it yourself. It’s impossible.”

    “Exactly. Someone will get hurt.” Jensen nodded. “I don’t want Dee or you hurt because I was selfish.”

    “You?” Y/N walked to him and slowly put her hands on his shoulders. “You aren’t being selfish, Jen. You and Danneel are thinking about something very unconventional.” She touched his cheek. “Maybe to some, it would seem selfish. I know you. I know your heart.”

    He grabbed her hands as they moved to his cheeks. “You’ll call Danneel?”

    “As soon as you leave.” She kissed his cheek. “Everything will be alright soon. One way or another.”

    “Are you…” He turned and looked at her. “Are you considering this?”

    “Damn it, Jensen! I haven’t had time to consider anything! I’m going to call Danneel to meet tomorrow and talk to her. I want things to be good. I want my friends.”

    “We want you.” He kissed her cheek and winked. “Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

    “Good night, Jensen.” She closed the door and exhaled. This was not real life. This was not actually happening. She grabbed her phone and dialed Danneel’s number.

    “Y/N? Are you okay? Did Jay find you?”

    “We just talked. He told me what you two want.”

    Danneel was quiet. “I wanted to talk to you about everything but he’s scared. He wants this, but he’s worried.”

    “He loves you. He loves you so much. He’s worried about you getting hurt.”

    Danneel laughed softly. “Babe, he’s worried about both of us.”

    “Will you meet me here tomorrow? We can talk privately.”

    “I’ll be there at ten.”

    Y/N gave her the room number and said goodnight. Sleep was not going to come easy, but she decided to try anyway. She feared what tomorrow may bring. Y/N was going to have a conversation with her best friend that would make their situation even more complicated.

~*~

    Danneel arrived early. She apologized but told Y/N she’d barely slept the night before.

    “I didn’t sleep much either,” Y/N confessed.

    “Y/N, there’s a lot to discuss.” Danneel hugged her. “I am so scared we’re going to lose you.”

    “I don’t want that, Dee.”

    Danneel looked at her with tears in her eyes. “This is not the conversation either of us imagined having, but we’ve got to have it.”

    Y/N agreed. “Come sit down.”

    Danneel got comfortable on the bed and took a deep breath. “Jay went after you when you left our room that night. He was worried about you.”

    “I saw him.”

    “He told me. He was torn up, Y/N. Jensen thought that you might never speak to us again.”

    Y/N smiled. “I thought about it, a few times, but it hurt too much to think about letting either of you go.”

    Danneel reached for her hand. “We talked that night. He told me how he felt about you, how he felt about me. He said that it was wrong, but he wished we could all be together. Take care of and protect each other. I told him that I love you too.” Danneel’s brown eyes met Y/N’s. “I always had a girl crush on you, but something changed that night.”

    “For me too.” Y/N bit her lip. “Danneel, I’m in love with Jensen. I feel something for you that I don’t understand.”

    Danneel dared to kiss her. “That’s why I think this will work. I know polygamy isn’t exactly what we dream of as little girls but this is something special. You, Jensen, and I are something special.”

    Y/N shook with fear, excitement, and apprehension. “How does Jensen feel about this?”

    “He wants it. He thinks he’s selfish…”

    “He said that. I guess I’m selfish too.”

    “Well, if all three of us are selfish, this may be a bad idea,” Danneel joked before getting serious. “Jensen and I love you. We want you to be with us all the time. That’s not possible, not right now anyway, so we’ll take what we can get.”

    “He seemed so scared of this.” Y/N’s head was spinning. “He was terrified.”

    “I know. I told him he has nothing to be worried about.” Danneel made a suggestion, “Come back to the house and the three of us will talk. You don’t have to check out of the room yet. If you decide that you don’t want this, we’ll accept it. You’ll always have a place in our home.” Danneel touched her cheek. “If you decide you want this, we’ll have a lot to discuss.”

    Danneel left a few minutes before Y/N. Once her phone calls were made, she left the hotel and made the drive to the Ackles’ home. Jensen greet her at the door, his tense stance back.

    “Jen?”

    He managed a smile. “Danneel apparently feels really good about things.”

    She followed him to the living room and was surprised when Danneel motioned for her to sit on the other side of Jensen. Y/N sat and Jensen’s arms went around both women. He pulled them both closer. Danneel took Y/N’s hands in hers.

    “This is perfect,” Danneel said. “The three of us are sitting here together. Jensen’s holding both of us.” She smiled. “This is what we want. Y/N, you want this don’t you?”

    “I,” Her eyes filled with tears. “It’s so different.”

    “It is.” Jensen kissed her forehead. “Dee’s right. This could be the most amazing relationship we ever have in our lives but it’s different. It’s scary.”

    “It would have to be a secret.” Y/N understood that. “No one could ever know what we’ve actually got here.”

    “How do you feel about that?” Danneel asked her.

    Y/N was quiet for a few minutes. She finally looked at each of them and smiled. “I love you both so much. I would die to protect you, with or without a secret like this. If we were to do this, I would never tell anyone what’s going on. It’s no one’s business but ours. If the three of us are happy, that’s all that matters.”

    Jensen looked at Danneel. He softly kissed her lips before he turned to Y/N. He slowly leaned in and they shared a very tender kiss. He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m scared. I’m scared that one of you will end up hurt.”

    “What if someone finds out? What if I met someone?” Y/N looked at both of them. “What about when you two decide you want kids?”

    Danneel spoke first. “People are going to talk. You know that. No one would ever really know the truth. Rumors are rumors. People know you and I are friends. I know a lot of people talked about the two of you years ago. No one ever really knows what the hell they are talking about. We can handle that.”

    “As far as you meeting someone, if you really feel like you could have something special with someone, we’d be happy for you. It would be hard as hell but we want you happy.” Jensen looked pained at the thought. Danneel did also. “Y/N, you’re a beautiful, amazing woman. I know what you went through in your marriage. I know how much that’s probably fucked you up…” he paused. “Jesus, Y/N, you’ll be trading in one fucked up situation for something else that’s…”

    “It’s not fucked up,” Y/N said. “This isn’t fucked up. It’s not normal. It’s not what we pictured for ourselves. Definitely not what our parents wanted for us, I’m sure. But, it’s not fucked up. Don’t you ever compare this, whether we move forward with it or not, to what I was in before.”

    He smiled at her. “I love that you said that.” He kissed her again.

    “It’s true.”

    Danneel touched both of their cheeks. “This could work.”

    “What about when you have kids?”

    Danneel and Jensen shared a look. “We’ll figure that out when it happens…”

    “No,” Jensen said and shook his head. “There’ll be nothing to figure out. That would have to be the end.” He bit his lip. “It’s something else to consider. We’d all have to agree that while we don’t know when it would end, we’d know there would be an end. Y/N, you’ll always be our best friend. You’ll always be our family. The relationship would change once kids come into the picture.”

    Y/N respected Jensen’s honesty. She realized that she wanted this. She wanted them. Jensen’s words brought her back to reality. All things end. This would too.

    Tears formed in her eyes. “It’s probably better I walk away.” Two sets of eyes moved to her. “You could get pregnant next month, next year, ten years from now. It doesn’t matter. I’m already in too deep.”

    Danneel wiped the tears falling down her cheeks. “Can we try this? Can the three of us try this?” Her eyes met Jensen’s. “You may change your mind later.”

    “I might.” He looked at the two women in his arms. “I love you both so much. I want this. I’m so fucking scared.”

    Y/N started to speak, but Danneel stood up. She took one of Jensen’s hands and one of Y/N’s and slowly led them out of the living room and toward the stairs. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, only feet away from the front door.

    Y/N knew that this was another moment, another life changing decision. She looked at the beautiful woman with the loving smile and the gorgeous, protective man with hope in his eyes.

    “I know what I want.”


	4. Chapter 4

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Four**

    “The band is excited. Thanks so much for giving them this chance.” Y/N smiled at Jared. “I really appreciate it.”

    “They’re good. The bar could use some new talent.” Jared was doing her a huge favor by booking one of her bands for a weekly show for three months. “They’re a good group of guys.”

    “I was a little weary to take on a band that looked like that, but they’re good people. Sober, no arrest records, all devoted husbands and fathers.” Y/N’s phone buzzed again. Another missed called from Danneel. “How’s Gen?”

    “She’s amazing.” Jared smiled. “We were hoping we could have dinner with you while we’re here.”

    “Sure! I’d love that!” Y/N smiled back at him. “I hated I missed you guys when I was in LA last month.” It was early December and she’d had to go home the day after Thanksgiving to take care of mistakes made by a secretary hired in her absence. “I hope you two had a good visit with your family.”

    “We did.” Jared’s expression grew serious. “There’s actually something I want to talk to you about. I know I don’t know you as well as Jensen, Danneel, or even Gen, but there’s something I’ve been worried about. Something that kind of came up last week…”

    “What’s up?”

    Y/N thought of Jared as a giant teddy bear. He was tall, muscular, and physically strong, but he was also a sweet, gentle man with a huge heart. She saw he was uncomfortable with whatever he was about to ask her.

    “Y/N, are you having an affair with Jensen?”

    Y/N froze. Did Jensen slip? Did Jared see something between them at some point? Maybe he just suspected…

    “Where’s this coming from?” She managed to keep her voice steady. “Danneel’s my best friend. Jensen and I are working back to the friendship we had before.”

    “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Y/N.” Jared held his hands up. “Gen told me not to ask. She told me that I was crazy…”

    Y/N stopped him. “Jared, you obviously have your reasons for asking. What’s going on?”

    “Jensen and I went out after work one night. We weren’t filming the next day and wanted to get out and relax. He drank a lot. He told me he loved you.”

    Y/N knew about the elephant in the room. “Jensen told Danneel that he talked to you about what happened in April.”

    “That’s between the three of you. It happened, you got it out of your systems…”

    “Jensen and I still love each other, but it’s different. We aren’t having an affair.”

    Jared smiled at her. “I think I knew that, Y/N. I’m sorry I asked.”

    “You’re just looking out for everyone.” Y/N returned the smile.

    “I don’t want to see anyone get hurt,” Jared said. “We also don’t want to see friendships ruined, Dee and Jay fighting…”

    “I don’t want that either,” Y/N told him.

    Jared stood up. She walked around and he gave her a huge bear hug. “We’ll see you tomorrow night?”

    “Actually, Erin will be there. I’m going to be traveling a lot more next year since we have artists touring. Everyone here has to learn. Better while I’m in town and a call away.” She winked.

    He left, she gave it twenty minutes, and then called in a few people. She told them what was expected from them that weekend and said she would not be back in the office until Tuesday. It was Thursday and she was shaken up by Jared’s questioning.

    It took her no time to get to her studio apartment. Y/N planned to lock herself inside all weekend. She groaned realizing that she hadn’t been to the grocery store. She’d have to venture out at some point. The decision was made to go early the next morning so she could spend the weekend working through everything going on in her head.

    Y/N unlocked her door in a hurry, anxious to be inside and away from the world. She was shocked when she opened the door and saw him sitting on the couch.

    “Hey, Beautiful.” He smiled at her.

    “I don’t remember giving you a key, Mr. Ackles.” She slammed her door and dropped her bag. She kicked her shoes off and walked to the middle of the room. “How the hell did you get inside my apartment?”

    “I’ve learned a few things playing Dean Winchester all these years.” He stood up. “You don’t look happy…”

    “Does Dee know you’re here?”

    He nodded. “She says to tell you she loves you, misses you, and to have fun.”

    His lips met hers before she could speak again. He picked her up and carried her to the bed in the corner. They wasted no time with foreplay and he was soon on top of her, gently moving, pushing them both toward a release they desperately needed.

    “I missed you too,” Jensen told her, kissing her nose.

    “I wish you two could move here,” she  confessed. “I’ve been so lonely since I got back.”

    Jensen’s fingers interlocked with hers. “Maybe one day, Y/N.” He kissed her softly. “What’s a man got to do to get some food around here?”

    “We’ll have to go get something -” she stopped suddenly, realizing they couldn’t do that. “Shit.”

    Jensen’s smile faded slightly. “Call and order some food, Y/N. I’ll hide when they get here…”

    “This is crazy.” She got out of bed. “Six weeks ago, we’d have no problem going to a restaurant and having a meal together.”

    “Six weeks ago, I could have controlled myself.” He got out of the bed and reached for his jeans. “We all knew things were going to change. We can go out. It’s just harder to hide what’s really going on when people can actually see us together.”

    “You’re an actor, Jen! You can pretend you don’t like me,” she teased.

    He laughed. She loved watching him laugh. “Babe, that would be harder than you think.” He walked to her and kissed her softly. “Call and order some food. We can facetime Danneel and talk about this.”

    Twenty minutes later, they were looking at Danneel’s smiling face on the computer. She was in New York for the week and looked beautiful, yet exhausted.

    “You two okay?” Danneel asked.

    Jensen nodded. “We realized that going out together, even for food, might draw some attention we don’t want or need.”

    “It seems like a strange problem to have.” Y/N sat back and leaned her head on Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m so comfortable with both of you but I’m not comfortable with someone possibly seeing…”

    “We’ll work on it,” Danneel told them. “We’ll figure it out. I’m flying out of here tomorrow. I’ll be Austin by three thirty.”

    “You’re coming too?” Y/N asked.

    “I’ve booked us a room.” Danneel smiled. “Your apartment is too small and we’re too loud.”

    Jensen laughed. “You two do get pretty loud.”

    “Shut up!” both women told him.

    “I have to go. Two more shots for this magazine shoot and then I’m done. I love you, Jay. I love you, Y/N.”

    “Love you, Baby.” Jensen blew her a kiss.

    “Love you, Dee.”

    She was gone a few seconds later. Y/N laughed. “Danneel really wants this to work, Jensen.”

    “We all do.” His eyes met hers. “Don’t we?”

    She nodded. “I do.”

    “You’re still scared.”

    Y/N turned to straddle him. Her arms went around his neck and she leaned in a for a kiss. “I’m scared because this is sacred, Jensen. It’s special. I never thought I deserved something like this, especially when I decided to stay with Randall instead of leave with you.” She had tears in her eyes. “I regretted that more than you could ever know.”

    “Hey,” Jensen said, looking into her eyes. “It was so fucking hard for me to leave LA without you. It was physically painful to know you were with him. It had to go this way. If it hadn’t, we might not have this.” He touched the corner of her eye and caught a tear. “Are you having second thoughts?”

    “No.” She shook her head. “I just hate that I’m happy for the first time in my life and I can’t tell anyone.” She immediately felt guilty. “I’m sorry, Jen.”

    “Shh,” he whispered, putting a finger over her mouth. “Don’t apologize for how you feel. I want to tell Jared so bad. I want to tell my parents.”

    “You want to tell your parents?!”

    “You’re a part of our life now.” Jensen smiled. “I won’t, because I know they won’t understand. I don’t want you or Danneel to get hurt. I don’t want anyone attacking something they don’t understand.” He kissed her. “I want my girls to be safe and protected.”

~*~

    It pained them, but Danneel and Jensen had to leave Y/N alone on Christmas that year. Jensen’s family insisted they come for Christmas. Danneel surprised them by booking a cabin in the mountains for two weeks. They had to take separate flights but arrived in Tennessee at the same time. Danneel went to get their rental car while Y/N and Jensen grabbed their bags. She smiled at him.

    “You look good, Jensen.”

    “So do you.”

    “Danneel looks incredible.” Y/N grabbed her bag from the belt. “I can’t wait to spend two weeks with the two of you, away from everyone and everything.”

    He smiled back at her. Danneel walked back over with the keys. “Car is ready.” She looked at Y/N. “This is going to be amazing.”

    As soon as they were in the car, Danneel leaned over the seat and kissed Y/N. “We missed you.”

    “Not as much as I missed the two of you.”

    Jensen turned and kissed her. “I can’t wait to get the two of you to this cabin.”

    “We’re going to have to stop first,” Danneel reminded him. Jensen nodded, his annoyance obvious. “If we’re smart, we won’t have to leave for a few days.”

    “Sounds like a plan,” Y/N replied as she yawned. “I really need this break.”

    Danneel looked at her, concerned. “You’ve been working too hard.”

    “The label is still small. There’s still a lot to do.” Y/N smiled. “It’s worth it. Wally’s really doing well - people like him. I met with a group of girls last week. They all play several instruments, can sing, and they dress like girls their age should.”

    Jensen looked at Danneel and then asked the question that they both wanted an answer to. “Have you thought about what Jack said? Having someone in LA?”

    “I have. It’s got to be done. I should be the one to do it. I know the LA scene. I know the way the people think. I’m just worried about what could happen in Austin without Momma Bear there.” She smiled. “I could go back and forth. I know of a woman who wants out of LA. She’s been looking into Nashville, but I might be able to convince her to give Austin a try. I’d still have to go back but I would feel better. Regina’s got experience. She’s trustworthy.”

    “Talk to her,” Jensen encouraged her.

    Y/N bit her lip. She had questions. Living in the same city would once again change things. She could see them everyday. They would be at some of the same parties and events. She could get a small apartment close to their house…

    “What are you thinking about?” Danneel asked her.

    “How things would work if I did move back to California.” Y/N played with her necklace. “I would need to find something small…”

    “You have a home with us.” Jensen looked at her in the rearview mirror. “No matter what.”

    Y/N saw Danneel nod. “We want you with us, Y/N. You know that.”

    The next two weeks were the best Y/N ever remembered. They spent hours talking, planning future trips together, discussing things they wanted to do when Y/N came to California next. Jensen laid on his back, his arms around both women, and played with their hair as they drifted off to sleep at night. They discovered different levels of intimacy and at the end of the two weeks, Y/N knew that whatever happened, however things went, she made the right decision.

    “So, I was thinking,” Y/N started.

    Jensen’s brow raised. His beard was full and both women loved the way it felt on their skin. “Should we be scared?”

    “Maybe.” She sat up. “If you two are sure, I think I’m going to do it. I’m going to move back to Los Angeles. I’ll have to go back to Austin occasionally, but I’ll be in LA most of the time.”

    Jensen sat up and kissed her. “We’re sure.”

    Danneel wrapped her arms around her neck. “This is going to be amazing.”

    Y/N took each of their hands and smiled. “It already is.”


	5. Chapter 5

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Five**

    “Dee!” Y/N laughed. “We’re suppose to be planning Jen’s birthday!”

    “Sorry.” Danneel rolled over. “That was fun though.”

    Y/N nodded. “It was.” The women kissed. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind that, but you and Jensen are going to have a great weekend in Hawaii…”

    “I wish you didn’t have to be in Florida that week!”

    “I know but it’s a huge festival and I have three artists to support.” Y/N’s phone rang. “Speaking of…Hello?….” Her mouth dropped. “What?”

    Danneel sat up. “What’s wrong?”

    “Wally got arrested in Vancouver!…Pat, slow down!…I’m on my way! I’ll be there soon!”

    “Wally?!” Danneel was shocked.

    Y/N sighed. “Apparently he stepped in to stop two men from harassing a woman. I know that’s just how he is. He’s a good kid and won’t tolerate disrespect toward women. The promoters are freaking out though.”

    “You’re going?”

    “I have to. Wally’s panicking. Dee, he’s the kind of kid who never had notes sent home to his parents when he was in school. He’s in a jail cell.”

    “I can come with you.” Danneel offered. “Shit! I have to meet with Jolie tomorrow.”

    “I’ll be back as soon as this is cleared up.”

    Danneel grabbed her phone. “I’ll let Jay know what’s going on. You can stay at the apartment tonight.”

    “What about Jared?” Y/N asked.

    “Jared and Gen found a place to rent close to the studio. Don’t worry.”

    She arrived in Vancouver by two o'clock. By four thirty, Wally was released, the entire situation taken care of, and the promoters willing to give him another chance. They planned to spin the story, even though Wally begged them not to. Y/N stayed with him while he called his parents and then made sure he ordered food and was settled for the night.

    “I’m real sorry,Y/N.” Wally told her. “It wasn’t right. Those men shouldn’t have been talking to that lady that way.”

    “That’s what makes you special, Wally.” She gave him a hug. “I’ll call you in the morning and we’ll have breakfast before I leave.”

    Clif was back in her life and had met her at the airport. She’d missed the bodyguard and they caught up as he drove her through Vancouver that day. He said he was glad that she and Jensen were friends again.

    “I missed you. When Jensen and I started working together, I asked him about you, but he hadn’t seen you….” Clif stopped. “Well, I’m real sorry things got that bad, Y/N. Real damn sorry.”

    “I made it, Clif. Things are so much better now.”

    Clif parked the car but didn’t move for a minute. “Is staying at his apartment a good idea?”

    “Danneel knows.” She told him. “Clif, I’m staying with them in LA for the time being.”

    His eyes searched her face and he nodded. “I’ll help you with your bag.”

    She was surprised to find Jared sitting on the couch when Jensen opened the door. “Hey, you!”

    “Hey! Jay filled me in. Wally got arrested. That’s kind of crazy.”

    Y/N sighed. “He got arrested for being the good guy that he is.” She explained the situation. “Poor kid was terrified to call his parents but he didn’t want them to see it on the news.”

    Jared stood up. “He’ll look back at this one day and laugh, I hope. I’m heading out. Gen’s flying in tomorrow and I need to pick up the house.” He looked at Y/N. “I’ll walk you out.”

    “Thanks, but I need to talk to Jensen about Danneel’s birthday. He’s surprising her with a trip to Rome.”

    Jared nodded, Jensen had mentioned it a few times, that Y/N was helping him with the planning. “I’ll see you next time we’re in the same town. Jay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

    Jensen ordered a pizza as soon as Jared left. Y/N kicked her shoes off and sent Danneel a text. As soon as Jensen was off the phone, he came behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her neck.

    “I didn’t expect to see either of my girls for another week at least.” He moaned as he took in her smell. “I’ve missed you both.”

    She turned in his arms. “We miss you, Baby.”

    They became lost in their kisses. Neither heard the knock or the click of the doorknob as it turned. Jensen and Y/N were the only two people in the world in that moment until they heard the door slam.

    “Planning Danneel’s birthday, huh?” Jared’s face was a mix of shock, anger, disappointment, and when he looked at Y/N, pure hate. “I asked you if you were having an affair with him. You lied to me! You lied to my face!”

    “He asked you?” Jensen turned to Y/N. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

    “I didn’t want to worry you or Dee.”

    “Dee knows about this?!” Jared’s eyes widened. “Your wife knows you’re sleeping with her best friend?”

    “Jared, sit down.” Jensen said. “Please. Just sit down and let me explain.”

    “Explain what?! What’s there to explain?”

    Y/N kissed Jensen’s cheek. “I’ll call you later.”

    “No,” Jensen grabbed her hand. “Stay. This involves you.”

    Y/N almost listened to him. She saw Jared’s face though. She’d never seen him angry. “Jared’s your best friend. You don’t need me here for this.” She walked to the door and grabbed her bag. “Jared, I’m sorry you had to walk in on this. I know it’s probably a huge shock.”

    Jared said nothing until she was gone. He looked at Jensen and shook his head. “What the hell is going on? You’re sleeping with Y/N?”

    “It’s a little more than that.”

    “I knew you still loved her. Damn it, everyone knows you still love her.”

    Jensen looked at Jared, not sure where to start. He finally decided to start from the beginning. “The night we saw her in Austin started something….”

    Jared listened. He asked questions. He calmed down, but he was honest. “I don’t understand it.”

    “No one is asking you to understand,” Jensen said. “I love Danneel, Jared. I love Danneel with everything I am. I love Y/N too. They both love me. They love each other. We know it’s not what society deems normal. Damn it, it’s still pretty new to all of us. We don’t go out together much. The girls go to lunch and go shopping, but the three of us try and limit how much time we’re out together because it’s hard not to hold her hand at the same time I’m holding Danneel’s. I can’t show her the same attention in front of other people that I show Danneel.” Jensen looked at Jared. “I’m the happiest I have ever been in my entire life but I’m the most fucked up at the same time.”

    “I don’t understand it but if you’re happy, okay, cool. If you feel like it’s fucking you up, maybe you need to rethink this.”

    Jensen took a deep breath. “It’s twisted, Jared. I know that. Y/N knows it. Danneel does too, but she wants us to enjoy it.” He smiled. “We do. It’s not just sex. It’s so much more than that. There’s a trust between the three of us. Danneel and I have a love that I never imagined having. Y/N brings more love into our lives. We know it’ll end one day. I think we’ve come to accept that.” He knew that Danneel still wasn’t as willing to admit it. “I feel fucked up because I know that Dee and I have a good marriage, with or without Y/N. We’ll have a good marriage once it ends. I’m just worried about the impact this will have later. I’m worried about how she’ll feel when it’s over. I’m worried about how Danneel is going to feel…”

    Jared thought about his next words carefully. “I’m saying this as a friend, Jensen, not as someone who doesn’t understand and maybe never will. Do you think that maybe you should put an end to this now, before things become too complicated? You love them both. I don’t doubt that.” Jared smiled. “I don’t doubt there’s a love between the three of you. I just went off on Y/N and I’ll talk to her later and clear the air. I know she’s a good person. I know the hell she went through before. She deserves happiness and she deserves to be loved. If this has an expiration date on it, why did you even start it in this first place?”

    “We’re all selfish.” Jensen’s green eyes closed as he recalled the conversation months before. “That’s the best answer any of us can come up with.” His phone buzzed. He read the text and quickly replied. “She’s going back to LA. I asked her to wait.” He read the reply. “She said to make sure we’re good.”

    “We’re good.” Jared takes a deep breath. “You’re my best friend, my brother. I love you, man. I may not understand this, but if you’re happy, that’s great. If you really feel like the repercussions later are going to be too much to deal with, you need to think long and hard about this.”

    Jensen knew he was right. “My brain knows what I should do, but my heart isn’t willing to let me go there.”

~*~

    Y/N walked to the ticket counter, her eyes still red from the tears she’d cried that night.

    “Can I help you?”

    “I’d like a ticket to Austin, Texas. One way, please.”

~*~

    Jensen and Danneel met in Austin and drove straight to her apartment. She’d kept the studio apartment for her own reasons and they both suspected one was so she’d have a place to go if something happened.

    She knew they were there. Y/N knew they’d find her. She opened the door and saw their faces. Love, concern, hurt.

    “I’m sorry I ran away.”

    Danneel grabbed her. “It’s okay. We’re here.”

    They moved inside and Jensen took her in his arms. “Don’t ever run away from us, Babe. We’ll always find you.”

    “I just…I knew that if people found out, especially people close to us, they wouldn’t understand. I knew that if someone found out, there’d be anger and lashing out.”

    “Shh,” Danneel touched her cheek. “Come and sit down.” She pulled her to the couch. “I didn’t tell either of you because I wanted to wait and see how things went the next time we saw Jared and Gen. Gen knows.”

    “She knows?”

    “She…she asked me.” Danneel said. “She said Jared was worried you two were having an affair and that she worried about that too, but she saw something else. She saw something deeper.” Danneel bit her lip. “I told her everything. She’s knows since before Christmas.”

    “And Jared?”

    “She wanted to tell him. She wanted to talk to you first.” Danneel looked at Jensen. “Gen didn’t like keeping this from him. He’s upset with her because she told him she knew, but he calmed down and understands she wanted to talk to everyone first.”

    “Gen must hate me.”

    Danneel shook her head. “No! She was shocked at first. She asked a lot of questions. Gen said she didn’t understand it, but she respects us. We’re happy. That’s all she wants for all of us.”

    “Jared said that too. He was furious. I told him everything. Probably more than the two of you would have liked shared.” He looked back and forth between them. “I didn’t realize I needed someone to talk to about this. I have the two of you, but talking to Jared, especially once he calmed down, felt good.”

    “That’s how I felt talking to Gen.” Danneel confessed.

    Y/N had no one to talk to about this. She had few friends to start with and she’d closed herself off more over the last few months, scared she’d give their secret away without meaning to.

    “If there’s someone you can trust.” Jensen looked at her. “We trust that you…”

    “Just you two.” She smiled.

    “That’s not fair, Babe.” Danneel told her. “We have people to talk to about this. You deserve to have someone you can confide in.”

    “I’m fine.” She lied. “I don’t need anyone else. I have the two of you.” She kissed them both. “Let’s go get some dinner. I haven’t eaten all day.”

    “Y/N?” Jensen grabbed her hand as she stood up. “Please don’t ever run again.”

    She nodded. “I won’t. I promise.”


	6. Chapter 6

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Six**

    “How are you feeling?” Y/N asked Danneel.

    “Better. Gen was right. The banana by the bed helps.” Danneel’s eyes move over the bags. “You don’t have to go.”

    “I need to deal with the label.” Y/N told her. “It’s grown larger than I imagined. I may have to move everything here.”

    “Is that so bad?” Danneel asked.

    Y/N sat down on the bed. “Jensen’s made it pretty clear the last few weeks, Dee. Things have to change.” She smiled. “You’re pregnant!”

    “It’s not over.” Danneel tells her. “Jensen knows it.”

    “Hey,” She kneeled in front of Danneel. “You and Jensen are going to have a beautiful baby. I’ll still be around.” She hugged her. “We’ll always be a family, Dee. No matter what. Things have to change though.”

    “I don’t believe that.”

    “You never did.” Y/N touched her cheek.

    Jensen watched from the door. His heart broke realizing that she was leaving. He wanted to tell her that he’d been wrong. They could still have everything they wanted. They’d have to learn to be more discreet as the baby grew. Maybe their child would know and understand one day, maybe Y/N would always just be the aunt who lived with them.

    Jensen wanted to say all of that but instead he walked away.

~*~

    Danneel smiled at Jensen later that afternoon. “I hated taking her to the airport.”

    “I know.” Jensen pulled her closer to him. “Danneel, I hate it, but we need to focus on our baby. Y/N knows that.”

    “You didn’t tell her to leave, did you?”

    “Of course not!”

    Danneel snuggled closer to him. “She’s remembering the conversation from before. You haven’t exactly been very affectionate toward her since I found out about the baby.”

    Jensen took a deep breath. “Part of that has been shock and excitement. You’re having my baby.”

    “And the rest of it?”

    “Knowing things are going to change.”

    “Things can’t change.” Danneel’s eyes filled with tears. “Maybe you were right. Maybe we shouldn’t have started this. We’re all in too deep.”

    “I don’t want things to change, Dee.” He dared to ask a question he’d avoided. “What if Y/N wants kids? Is that really something…”

    “I’ve thought about that.” Danneel says. “Our babies would be half brothers or half sisters.”

    “What?” He looked at her. “Danneel?”

    Danneel sat up on her elbows. “You haven’t thought about kids with her too?”

    “I didn’t think that was ever part of the equation, Dee. I figured if she wanted kids, she’d adopt, find a guy….” Jensen looked at his wife. “Do you realize how much more complicated that would make things?”

    “I know,” Danneel sighed. “She loves you so much. She loves both of us so much. We love her. If she wants a baby, why can’t you give her one?”

    “She’s never mentioned kids.” Jensen said. “Y/N wouldn’t though.”

    “If the thought has crossed her mind, she’s had all of the same fears and doubts you have.” Danneel kissed him. “We’ll call her tomorrow.”

    “I miss her already.”

    “So do I.” Danneel said. “We’ll see her soon though.

~*~

    It was four when she landed in Austin. The cab ride to her apartment was faster than she thought. She was anxious to get inside and make her phone call.

    “This is Y/N Longley.” She waited for the person she needed to speak to and listened to everything said. “Can that be transferred to my physician in Austin?….I want to know right away. I’ll call and make an appointment as soon as possible.”

    Once her call ended, she sank to the floor. She’d lied to Jensen. She was running away.

    They were about to bring a new life into this world and her life could possible be coming to an end.

~*~

    A few days later, Y/N walked into a small eatery in downtown Austin. She’d just left the doctor and was still processing everything she’d been told.

    She could have breast cancer.

    Y/N ordered a sandwich and turned to see the Padaleckis sitting at a table. She tried to turn away, but Gen saw her.

    “Hey! Come over here!”

    Y/N walked over, brave face on. “I wondered if you two were in town.” She looked at their son and smiled. “He’s getting so big!”

    “You doing okay?” Jared asked. It’d taken time, but things had gotten to an amazing place with Jared and Gen. Once they saw Jensen, Y/N, and Danneel together, they saw something and they knew it was right. Jared knew that Y/N was back in Austin permanently though. He suspected things were over.

    “I’m working on it.” She said. “It’s kind of an adjustment. I hate LA but I had Jen and Dee. I love Austin and I am glad to be back.”

    “Sit.” Gen ordered. “I’m here. Call me anytime.”

    “Thanks.” Y/N smiled back. “I may need some time, Gen. Things have to change. My friendship with you doesn’t, but I need time to adjust to my new life.”

    “Have you talked to them?”

    She nodded. “A few times. I miss them both but it’s time for them to focus on their baby. I’ll be there when Danneel goes into labor. I’ll throw her a baby shower. I’ll spoil that baby like it’s no one’s business!”

    Her name was called and she hugged them both. “We’ll get together for lunch soon, okay?”

    Gen nodded. “Yeah, call me.”

    Jared watched her until she was gone. “Something is wrong.”

    “Something more than leaving Jay and Dee.” Gen knew that. “I’m going to call her tomorrow. Maybe she’ll talk to me.”

    “I hope so.” Jared had a bad feeling. “Could she be pregnant?”

    “No.” Gen knew that. “Danneel said she’s very careful and sticks to her birth control plan. Jensen’s always had his own concerns about the relationship and I know Y/N has always had hers. She’s smart. She loves them with all her heart, but she would never bring a child into their lives.”

    “Then she’s more heart broken than she’s letting on.” Jared sat back. “They were happy. We know that. I’m glad they were. I hate this for all of them.”

    “I do too.” Gen sighed. “Maybe they’ll find a way to make all of this work out.”


	7. Chapter 7

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Seven**

    “Luckily you found the lump right away.” The doctor was talking but Y/N could barely keep up. “We’ll do the biopsy and take it from there.” He looked at her. “You have no next of kin listed.”

    “There isn’t anyone.”

    “Y/N,” The doctor looked at her. “You’re going to be put under and you’ll be able to leave the hospital that night.”

    “I planned to take a cab.” She told him.

    He decided not to push it until the next appointment, three days before the scheduled procedure. “I know it’s hard not to worry about this, but you are young. You do self exams because of your family history. You knew it wasn’t right and got in right away. Most women your age might have ignored it. We’re going to take care of you. Whatever happens, you’ll have someone with you through this.”

    “Thank you.”

    Her life had changed in three weeks. She’d been swimming with Jensen and he’d grabbed her under her arms. His hands traveled and she’d felt something. Later that night when she was alone, she performed a self exam and knew that it wasn’t right. Her doctor in LA fit her in immediately and she came home to tell Danneel.

    She never shared her news.

    Danneel announced her pregnancy.

    Y/N refused to tell them now. She would not ruin the happiest time in their lives with her news. She’d done this before. Something came up and she dealt with it by herself. That was the way it had to be. That was the way….

    “Y/N?”

    “Gen? What are you doing here?”

    “I have an appointment.” Gen’s eyes traveled to the sign on the door Y/N had exited from. “Oncologist?”

    “It’s not…”

    Gen’s face paled. “Tell me the truth.”

    “You have an appointment, Gen. Which clinic? I’ll walk you.”

    “Screw my appointment!” Gen snapped. “Y/N, what’s going on?”

    Y/N looked into Gen’s eyes. “I…I didn’t want anyone to know. It’s not…”

    Gen grabbed her hand. “I’m cancelling my appointment.”

    “No! Gen!”

    “I can get my teeth cleaned next week.” Gen kept a tight grip on her hand as they walked through the facility. “I always get lost. I come in the wrong door and get turned around.” She glanced at Y/N. “I’m so damn glad I did today.”

    Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in the courtyard. Gen looked at Y/N. “I want to know what the hell is going on.”

    “I found a lump in my breast. I went to the doctor in Los Angeles and she was concerned. Long story short, I was going to tell Danneel, but then she told us about her pregnancy. I had some blood work done, a few other tests, and then decided to come back here. I knew before the doctor told me that I had to have a biopsy. That’s too much for them to deal with. Danneel needs to be resting. She needs to be relaxing.”

    “You’re planning to go through this alone?! You really thought no one would find out?”

    “It may be nothing. There’s a good chance it’s something. My mom….”

    Gen took a deep breath. “I’m going to come with you to your next appointment.”

    “No, Gen! What about Tom? What about Jared? I didn’t want you to know because I know you’ll both want to tell them….”

    “They deserve to know!”

    Y/N shook her head. “Mom died six months after she was diagnosed. I don’t want them to watch that happen to me…”

    “You may not be sick.” Gen tried to reassure her. “It could be benign.”

    “It could be cancer.” Y/N whispered. “It’s not fair to put them through that as they’re welcoming a baby into their world.”

    Gen knew she couldn’t argue with her right now. Y/N was shaking. She was still processing everything. “Take a deep breath. You have to calm down. I’m here.”

    “I…”

    “You are never going to be alone, Y/N. I can’t imagine how you feel after leaving them in LA. My heart breaks for the three of you because I know you love each other. I know you want to deal with this alone and not put anyone through any pain, but sorry, sister. You’re family. Deal with it. I’m going to be here.”

    “Thank you,” Y/N hugged her.

    “Come on.” Gen took her hand. “Let’s go get something to eat and talk about this. I don’t want you staying alone after your biopsy. When is it?”

    “Next Friday.”

    “That seems so far away.”

    “It’ll will have been a month since I found the lump.” Y/N swallowed. “My mom waited longer than that.”

    “You’re going to be okay. One way or another.”

~*~

    Jared saw his wife’s face as soon as she entered the house. “Gen?”

    “I saw Y/N. I went in the wrong door again. I was trying to find the elevator and I saw her.” Gen looked at Jared. “She’s having a biopsy next week. She has a lump in her breast.”

    Jared listened to everything Gen said. He took a deep breath. “You told her you wouldn’t call them?”

    “I never said you wouldn’t.” Gen had used her words carefully. She didn’t want to lie to Y/N, but Jensen and Danneel needed to know. They had a right to know.

    Jared grabbed his phone and decided to use Facetime. He hated having to tell Jensen this way but they had to know what was happening.

    The call connected and Jensen smiled at Jared. “How’s it going?”

    “I need to tell you something. Where are you?”

    “I was just looking at a book Y/N bought us before she left. Suggestions for things to do with kids at every age. I’m not too sure about some of the things for babies. I can’t wait to take my kid to fly a kite though.” Jensen saw Jared’s face. “What is it?”

    “Leave Gen out of this. Whatever you end up saying to Y/N, please do not mention Gen’s name.”

~*~

    They called two days later. Jensen wanted to look at houses. Danneel wanted to see her. Y/N picked up on it immediately.

    Danneel wanted to see her.

    Jensen did not.

    Y/N agreed to meet them for dinner after they arrived and made the reservation. When they walked in, she couldn’t help but smile. She missed them both desperately.

    Jensen hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “It’s good to see you.”

    “You too.”

    Danneel threw her arms around her. “I miss you so much!”

    “I know, Dee.” Y/N fought tears. “I miss you both.”

    The restaurant is almost empty. Y/N knew this particular place would not be as busy. “How are you feeling?” She asked as they sat down.

    “Good. A little morning sickness here and there.” Danneel smiled. “The guys have been back and forth a little more the last two weeks so that’s helped.”

    Jensen was staring at her. His eyes seemed to be memorizing her face again. She looked at him. “Jen?”

    “I’ve missed you, Y/N.” He discreetly touched her hand. “We need to talk about…”

    “I need to tell the two of you something.” Y/N suddenly wanted them to know. She needed them to know. The days were ticking by slowly and she was scared. “The day you told me about the baby, I had a doctor’s appointment. I didn’t want to say anything because you two were so happy. It didn’t seem fair to ruin that…”

    Danneel reached over and took her hand. “What is it?”

    She told them everything. Everything she’d felt since the moment she discovered the lump came pouring out. She apologized for telling them, apologized for not telling them, and then confessed that she was terrified.

    “It’s not fair to either one of you,” She looked at them with tears in her eyes. “If I’m sick, I don’t want to be alone.”

    Danneel looked at Jensen. He motioned to their waitress to bring the ticket. Danneel took Y/N outside and hugged her.

    “We’re here, Babe. We’re with you.”

    Y/N felt the dam break. She allowed herself something she wanted so desperately to avoid.

    She leaned on someone else.

    Danneel sat in the backseat with her, cradling her as she cried. Jensen drove to her apartment instead of the hotel. Danneel took the key she’d given them long ago and unlocked the door as Jensen carried her inside. He took her straight to the bed and gently laid her down. Danneel crawled on one side, Jensen on the other and three held each other.

    “We’re here,” Danneel kissed her forehead. “You’re not alone, Sweetheart.”

    “I didn't….want….”

    “Hey,” Jensen turned her head toward him. “You have to think about yourself sometimes. Yeah, we’re worried. I’m fucking terrified. We’re a family though.” He touched Danneel’s stomach and then kissed Y/N. “We take the good with the bad.”

    “Jay has to leave in a couple of days to go back to work. I’m staying.” Danneel told her.

    “I’ll be back Wednesday night.” He promised her.

    “I go in Thursday morning at eight.”

    “We’ll be there.” Danneel told her. “Whatever happens, we are going to be there.”

~*~

    The procedure went as planned. Y/N spent the weekend relaxing in the hotel room Jensen and Danneel booked before they arrived in Austin. They watched movies, played games, and held each other during the moments when one of them considered the worst possible outcome.

    Tuesday morning, only hours before Danneel and Jensen were suppose to fly out, Y/N’s doctor called and asked her to come in. She was shaking, terrified by the possible news.

    “If it was good, he’d tell me over the phone, right?”

    “He’s got to check you.” Jensen said. “He’s got to make sure you’re healing from the procedure.”

    Together they waited in the office. The doctor smiled when he saw she wasn’t alone. “The nurse said the incision looks good. I’m glad you decided to call friends to lean on during this.”

    “You said you got the results back? I didn’t expect…”

    The doctor took a deep breath. “I put a rush on it. With your family history, on both sides, and the fact that you are much younger than the other women in your family when they first discovered lumps, I was concerned.” He smiled. “It’s benign.”

    “What?”

    “It’s not cancer.” he told her.

    Danneel wrapped her arms around her and cried at the news. Jensen kissed the side of her head. He was fighting to control his emotions. He hadn’t even told Danneel, but he had had a breakdown the day he returned to Vancouver. He knew the only time he’d ever be that scared was if something was happening with Danneel or his child.

    “I need to see you in a year, just to make sure everything is still good. Keep up with your checks ups, self exams, and don’t hesitate to call if you have any questions or concerns.”

    “Thank you. Thank you so much.” Y/N wiped her eyes.

    “Take care of yourself.” He walked around and took her hands. “We’ll see you in a year.”

    Once in the hall, Danneel embraced her. “You’re okay.” She cried.

    “Hey!” Y/N looked at her. “I’m good. I’m fine.” She touched Danneel’s stomach. “Now we start thinking about that baby nonstop!”

    Jensen insisted on dropping Danneel off before taking Y/N home. The women shared a tearful goodbye and Y/N promised to come see her as soon as possible.

    Jensen was quiet in the car. Y/N glanced at him several times and was surprised when she saw his eyes water up. “Jen?”

    “Not yet.” He looked at her. “Just…wait.”

    He carried her bags inside and set them down in the door. He reached for her and kissed her more deeply and passionately than he had in a very long time. He slowly pulled away and she saw his tears.

    “Hey, it’s okay.”

    “No, it’s not!” He cried. “You needed us and I could have stopped you from leaving. I could have said something to you. Instead, I let you leave. I let myself believe that it was the right thing.” He kissed her hands before placing a kiss on her forehand. Her hands went to his chest and she let her own tears fall. “If something happened and we weren’t here, I would have never forgiven myself for not stopping you weeks ago.”

    “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

    “So am I.” he kissed her again. “Come home. Please. We miss you. We need you.”

    She smiled. “I will come to California, Jensen, but I think it’s time that you and Danneel seriously look at houses here.”


	8. Chapter 8

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Eight**

    “I can’t believe my baby is going to be a year old!” Danneel looked at the sleepy child in her arms. “Aunt Y/N and I have a big day planned.”

    “Hopefully someone remembers to take pictures and videos for all of us.” Y/N laughed. “I think Princess JJ is ready for her nap, Mommy.”

    “I’ll be right back.” Danneel smiled. “Thank you for remembering to get her bed!”

    “I figured it would take a few days for us to unpack and get her room setup.” Y/N told her. “We’ll work on her nursery tomorrow while Jensen is here to play with her.”

    Danneel returned a few minutes later and looked at the small pool house. “You’re okay out there?”

    “Why wouldn’t I be?”

    “You lived in the house with us.” Danneel looked at her. “I feel like we’re kicking you out.”

    “Dee!” Y/N laughed. “It makes sense, really. I’m here. You and Jen can come and go whenever. We have a room down here for us.” She walked over and kissed Danneel. “Jensen was worried too. I think with JJ, this is better. I’m here. I’m less than fifteen away!”

    Danneel laughed. “I just want to make sure you’re really okay with it.”

    “I think it makes more sense, really. People know I’m living here. We’ve been telling people it’s to help you with JJ. That’s not a lie, but if I lived in the house, there would be more rumors. Living with you in LA didn’t set off quite as many alarms because people knew I flew back and forth often.”

    “I guess you’re right.” Danneel looked at the kitchen. “Help me put some of this away?”

    “Sure.” Y/N walked to the dish washer and grabbed a towel. “How do you want to set this up?”

    An hour later, the kitchen was completely put together to Danneel’s liking. Jensen came in while they were trying to decide which place mats to use. He watched them for a few minutes before Y/N noticed him.

    Danneel raced into his arms. Y/N walked over and kissed his cheek. He smiled at his wife. His eyes met Y/N’s and she felt the glare.

    “Jensen?”

    He looked at Danneel and then back at Y/N. “Jared said one of the bartenders saw you the other night.”

    “Yeah, Monday night. I was having a drink with someone.” Y/N turned her attention back to folding the place mats. “Dee, use the patriot ones until after the fourth…”

    “Who were you having drinks with?” Jensen asked.

    “Jay, calm down.” Danneel touched his arm.

    “Richard. I just hired him to take over the LA office.” Y/N turned around. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

    “You had a date?”

    Danneel laughed. “Oh, Baby, it was not a date!”

    “Not even close!” Y/N told him. She leaned in to kiss him and he moved away. “Jensen!”

    “You’re laughing at me?” He looked at Danneel.

    “Yeah! This is hilarious! You’re jealous!” Danneel shook her head. “Y/N, tell him who Richard is.”

    “A fifty seven year old father of five, grandfather of eight. His wife was with us!” Y/N told him. “Angela Pasco was there also. Our new artist.”

    “What?”

    “It wasn’t a date, Jen.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “It was a drink to celebrate Angela’s tour and Richard taking over in LA. He and his wife are excited to go back since four of his kids are in or around the area.”

    Danneel was still laughing at Jensen when she handed him a beer. “You could have just asked, Jay.”

    “Don’t laugh.” Jensen smacked Danneel’s behind as she turned away from him. She turned back around and looked at him. He winked. “You deserved that.”

    “Did she really?” Y/N asked.

    “You two are rotten.” Jensen pulled them both into his arms. “I checked on JJ before I came in here. She’s still asleep.”

    “We’ve got about an hour.” Danneel told him.

    Jensen’s smile grew. “I think the two of you need to make this up to me.”

    “Make what up to you?” Y/N asked.

    “Laughing at me.”

    Danneel looked at Y/N. “Do you really think he deserves that?”

    “I don’t know.” Y/N looked at him. “It could be fun though.”

    “Ladies,” he kissed them both. “You’re killing me.”

    Danneel took his hand and started pulling him toward the room on the side of the kitchen. “Come on, Baby.”

    He wrapped his arm around Y/N’s waist. “Come on.”

    “I’ll be there in a minute.” She told them. “I promise. Go ahead. I’ll join in a few.”

~*~

    Y/N came out of the store without paying attention and walked into someone. “I’m so sorry!”

    “It’s okay, Y/N.”

    “Paul?” She stopped. “Wow, hey.”

    Randall’s brother smiled at her. “It’s been awhile.”

    “It has.” She looked around. “Where’s Lori?”

    “I don’t know. We got divorced about three years ago.”

    Y/N was surprised the marriage lasted that long. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    “How are you? You look great.” Paul looked her body over. “You certainly aren’t the same little girl you once were.”

    “No, I’m not.” She said. “I’m well. Things are going really well.”

    “I heard you have a record label now.”

    She knew better. Randall’s parents had threatened to sue her for the company, claiming that they should have been given Randall’s money. She’d long signed papers for any Wank Hater loyalties to go to them. They were as hateful as their son though. Y/N was not suppose to move on and live her life.

    “It’s doing well.”

    “So I’ve heard.” Paul nodded. “We should have dinner one night.”

    “Thank you, Paul, but I’m afraid I can’t.”

    “I didn’t even tell you what night.”

    Y/N looked him in the eye and shook her head. “There’s no reason for us to have dinner, Paul. You and I aren’t friends. We never were. Your family shunned me after Randall died because I refused to play the role of the grieving widow.”

    “You owed him…”

    “I owed him?!” Y/N looked at Paul with disgust. “Randall cheated on me. He was an awful human. I’m sorry he died but I refused to give up on living. I’m happy. I’m successful. I’m not sorry that I was able to move on and find some peace after that nightmare.”

    “You’ve always had a mouth on you, Y/N. You always knew when to shut the hell up. You’ll learn again, you little bitch.” He grabbed her arm. She tried pulling away, but he tightened his grip. “You’re going to regret this.”

    “Let go of me!” She struggled.

    He grabbed her other arm. “You never learned your place before. Randall was too easy on you. You married into our family and then abandoned us. You’ll pay for that.”

    He finally let go and she ran to her car, shaking. Danneel and Jensen were in Dallas for the weekend visiting his parents. She took a few deep breaths and drove home slowly. As soon as she pulled into the driveway, she let her tears flow.

    Randall’s family lived in San Antonio. She knew that his father and brothers traveled around the state for business. She’d been lucky to never see any of them and had pushed any thought of that happening from her head. The Longley’s were part of a different life.

    Paul said she was going to regret this.

    Y/N found out two hours later what he was talking about.

    Richard called her frantic. “All of our artists have been kicked off every tour they’re on. All appearances have been cancelled.”

    “Wh..What?” Y/N was in her bed and jumped up. “What do you mean?”

    “Do you know a Paul Longley? Is he a relative?”

    Y/N felt sick to her stomach. “He’s my former brother in law.”

    “He has some friends in high places. John from OA called. He said he wants to talk. Paul has been reaching out to people for months apparently. Most told him to go to hell. Someone finally listened.”

    “They’re going after my record label for selfish reasons.” She cried. “Randall and I didn’t have a happy marriage. We were too young and he was too concerned about being a rock star. They can’t stand that I moved on. They were furious when I refused to move in with them and live the rest of my life mourning him.”

    Richard had heard stories. He remembered Randall well. He had hated him from their first meeting. “John wants to help. I have no idea what he’s thinking, but our artists are going to suffer.”

    Y/N grabbed her suitcase. “Set it up. I’ll be there soon.”

    “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

    “I should have known the Longleys would find a way to hurt me.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll let you know when I land. Can you ask Sophia to get me a room and have a rental ready? Have her text and email me the information.”

~*~

    John told Y/N what he’d learned straight from Paul Longley. “The Longleys lost their business. The ex wives all got huge settlements in the divorce. The loyalties you signed over are paying child support.”

    “So they’re going after my company because they all treated their wives like shit?” Y/N shook her head. “This is bullshit.”

    “It is.” Richard agreed. “John has a couple of interesting ideas.”

    “Really?”

    “They aren’t interested in running the company. They plan to blackmail you.” He put his hand up. “I have no idea what they think they have on you, but I know you. There’s nothing in your past, or present, they can use against you.”

    She hoped the men couldn’t see that she was trembling.

    “They want you to sign over the company. They’ll turn around and sell off the artists’ contracts, except for a few of the huge money makers. They plan to sell the company, with the big stars, to the highest bidder.” John smiled. “So far, that’s me.”

    “You son of a bitch.” Y/N snapped. “You’ve been trying to get a hold of the company since I started it!”

    “Calm down, Y/N!” Richard said. “John, tell her the rest.”

    “I’ll front the money. You’ll pay me back over time.”

    “What?”

    “I told them I’d buy the company as is. They were told they’d make more the other way. I made them an offer they’d be fools to turn down.”

    Y/N thought about this. “You’d buy the company and then I’d buy it back?”

    “We’d agree on how that would work, but yes. I wouldn’t expect you to give me all of the money upfront.”

    “You want something else.” She wasn’t stupid. John wasn’t known for favors. “What is it?”

    “Wally, Angela, and The Trilogy.”

    Her heart sank. “The three artists that could help me pay you back in just a few months?”

    John smiled at her. “I’d be willing to negotiate the loan payment.”

    “You didn’t tell me that’s what you wanted.” Richard knew John also. He knew his offer to help was too good to be true. “I knew there was more to this.”

    “The Longleys are convinced that whatever the hell they have on you is big enough you’ll do anything to keep it a secret. I can’t imagine what the hell they’re talking about, Y/N. I am trying to help you. I’ve always liked you.”

    Y/N looked at Richard. “Can I have a day or two to think about this?”

    “Absolutely. I’ve made some calls. Your artists are back on the tours and their performances have been rescheduled.”

    “So I owe you one anyway.”

    John chuckled. “Actually, I did that because it shows the Longleys I have some power. They’ll know I mean business.”

    Richard saw Y/N’s face. “John, this is a lot to take in.”

    John agreed. “Look, I get it. I built my company from the ground up too. You’ve worked hard, Y/N. I am trying to help you.”

    “If I agreed to the artists…”

    “That’s the only way this works, Doll. You agree to that or I’ll have to wish you luck and watch from the stands to see how this plays out. I’ll be rooting for you, but I prefer to play on the same team.”

    “They deserve to know what may happen.” Y/N said. “Obviously they don’t need details. They deserve to know that I’m doing it for them.”

    “Is that what you’ll tell yourself?” John asked.

    “It’s not a lie.” Y/N said. “Someone else is going to call and try and make an offer. The Longleys are eventually going to reach out to me, I’m sure. My artists are my kids. I want to protect them. I want them to be taken care of. They deserve to know that if this happens, it’s because I know you’ll take care of them. I know they’ll all have successful careers.”

    They talked for a few more minutes before John left. Richard put his hand on her shoulder. “He’s working with the Longley’s.”

    “I don’t doubt that.” She looked at him. “I have to know what they think they’re going to use against me.”

    “Y/N.” He’d never wanted to ask her. It wasn’t his business. The current situation unfortunately made it a necessary question. “I have to ask you something.”

    “What is it?”

    “Could this have something to do with Jensen Ackles?”

    Y/N shook her head. “No! Absolutely not!”

    “There were rumors. You have to know that.”

    “Jensen has been one of my best friends for years now. His wife too.”

    “I know that. I’m not judging you. If you had an affair when you were married to Randall, no one would blame you. He was an asshole and he was terrible to you.” Richard spoke to her like a father. “If anything happened with Jensen, long before he was married, I realize that may look bad considering you live with them and have for years.”

    “Richard,” Y/N shook her head. “Maybe that’s it. Maybe they think something happened.”

    “John’s deal sucks, but there’s a chance you’ll still have the company.”

    “I don’t think I will.” She looked at Richard. “I think John will stall signing the company back over to me so he can pull everything out of Austin.”

    Richard nodded. “I could see him doing that.”

    “I need to think about this overnight. Want to meet here around nine?”

    “I’ll bring some breakfast. I don’t trust you to eat before you come in.”

    Y/N smiled. “Thanks.” She stood up and took a deep breath. “A small part of me wonders if letting go might not be a bad idea. John’s an ass but he does take good care of his artists.”

    “That’s true. It’s something to consider.”

    She looked at Richard. “What about you? If I don’t buy it back from John, what would you do?”

    “If you decide to walk away completely, I’m retiring.” Richard smiled. “I’ve had a good run, Y/N. I told you before, I was going to retire when I turned sixty. Three years early may win me some points with my wife.”

    Y/N kissed his cheek as they parted downstairs. “I’ll see you in the morning. Give Susan my love.”

    She made it to her rental and then heard footsteps. She turned and saw Paul.

    “What the hell do you want?”

    “We should talk.” He said. “I was out of line yesterday. I know that. I was angry and I apologize. I don’t like you but I shouldn’t have grabbed you. I was looking for you in Austin and I planned to give you a head’s up.”

    “You don’t like me. You wanted to give me a head’s up that your family is trying to take my company.” She shook her head. “What’s your game here, Paul?”

    “Y/N, it’s Dad. He wants the company. Things have been hard. Randall gave us money to keep the business running. The loyalty checks helped but then the divorces started…” He took a deep breath. “Will you meet me in a few minutes? Public place. I don’t like you, Y/N, but I respect you.” He shrugged. “I absolutely hated Randall and can’t stand my old man much these days.”

    “Twenty minutes at Jerry’s?”

    “See you there.”

~*~

    Once he told her what his family planned to use against her, she made her decision. Paul had been trusted with the envelope and promised her that she’d get it as soon as she signed her company over.

    By ten o'clock that night, the meeting was set up.

    Richard asked her why.

    “If I told you that I lied to you, will you forgive me?” She looked into his eyes the next morning. “Apparently there’s pictures.”

    Richard hugged her. “Y/N, can I be frank?”

    “Of course.”

    “I know what you and the Ackles have.” he smiled. “Susan and I had that too.”

    “How did…”

    “Danneel came into the office one day. I saw the two of you kissing. I heard her say something about Jensen coming home and that she wanted to plan something special for the three of you. I walked away. I wanted to say something but I didn’t want to upset you.” Richard put his hands on her shoulders. “Did the Longleys find out about that?”

    She shook her head. “They have pictures from a cabin in Tennessee. It was New Year’s. We go there every other New Years. It’s special for us. We took JJ this year.” She smiled. “There’s pictures of me with Jensen outside on the back deck.” She bit her lip. “It’s obvious that they are more recent pictures and Paul said that his father wanted to sell them to a magazine, but Paul convinced him to do this. Paul doesn’t like me, but apparently he’d rather throw me a bone then ruin my life.”

    “You’re sure about not buying it back?”

    “I talked to everyone last night. I told them enough for them to know that I don’t want to do this. I have to.” She sighed. “I have to protect Jensen and Danneel.”

    “They’re going to be upset, Y/N.”

    “Probably. More so because I didn’t tell them before I did it. I just need it done.” She saw Paul then.

    He walked over and handed her the envelope. “I took the pictures. I followed you all up there and hid.”

    “Everything is here?”

    “Everything.” Paul looked at her. “Y/N, I meant what I said. I respect you. My family never saw the pictures. They have no idea who I saw you with.”

    “Just that he was married?”

    Paul nodded. “Good luck, Y/N.”

    “Thanks.” She saw John walk in with several men in suits. “Let’s get this over with.”

~*~

    Richard was gathering their personal belongings. He invited her to his home for breakfast the next morning. He suspected that she had no one to talk to about her relationship and wanted to make sure she knew she had a friend.

    She sat on her bed later that afternoon. Her brain had not yet processed what happened.

    Her record label was gone.

    The knock at the door startled her. She walked over, scared it was Paul. She looked through the peephole and opened the door quickly.

    “Hey, Beautiful.” Jensen walked in with a huge smiled. “Danneel said she tried to call you. She went through hell trying to find you.” He knew immediately. “Something else happened?”

    She threw her arms around him and cried into his chest. “My company is gone.”

    “Gone?”

    “I had to.” She cried. “Paul knows.”

    “Randall’s idiot brother?”

    “He knows about us.” She told him. “Jen, he had pictures! He gave them all to me. I hope anyway.”

    She told him everything. Together they opened the envelope and saw the pictures from their New Year’s trip.

    “Damn it.” Jensen shook his head. “He took these? He didn’t hire someone?”

    “He took them. He studied photography.” She held up the negatives. “I think he really wanted to stick it to his family. He signed something agreeing that the Longleys would stay away from me. Paul said he respects me. He hated Randall, he doesn’t have much use for their father. Hating his father is more important than hurting me.”

    Jensen stared at the pictures for several minutes. He checked the negatives and nodded. “All pictures and negatives are accounted for” He looked at her. “Darlin’, it would have been a little hard to explain, but these pictures aren’t that incriminating.”

    “I didn’t know that.” She told him. “I didn’t tell Paul anything. I just agreed to sign the company over. Of course, there’s a few things that weren’t included. The buildings for one.”

    “You’ll still have the two buildings?”

    “John is buying the one here. I thought I might hang on to the Austin building for a little while. Maybe I’ll open a bar and start competing with Jared.”

    Jensen actually laughed. “That’s evil, Y/N.”

    “I know.” She was shaking again. “I had to do it, Jen. I had to protect you and Dee.”

    “If something came out, at any time, we’d all face it together.” Jensen kissed her. “I can’t stay tonight, Baby. I want to but…”

    “I know.” She knew he had interview the next day. “I’m flying home late tomorrow. What time is your interview?”

    “It’s not until five.”

    “I’m having breakfast with Richard and his wife. Richard….knows.”

    “What?”

    “He overheard Dee in the office one day. He and his wife….” She smiled. “They lost her a year ago.”

    “Someone overheard Danneel?” Jensen’s eyes widened. “If he did…”

    “Jen, the others would have come to me.” She was certain. “I know they’d come to me.”

    “Are you sure?”

    Y/N nodded. “We’ve talked about this. Misha knew after seeing the three of us together once.”

    Jensen calmed down once he looked at her again. “You’re going home tomorrow?”

    “I have two weeks before John takes over completely. I’m sure some aren’t going to want to go to OA and some will. He’s not going to have anything for them in Austin so they’ll have to make a decision. I want to make sure they know what he’s offering them to move here.” She kissed him softly. “It’s going to work out.”

    “You gave up your company for us.”

    “My company wouldn’t mean shit without you and Danneel in my life. I’ve told you a million times that I know eventually this will end. You’ll still be my best friends though. You’ll always be in my life.”

    He knew he had to leave, but he didn’t want to. “Y/N…”

    “Go, Baby.” She touched his cheek. “Fly home after your interview. Dee and I will be waiting.”


	9. Chapter 9

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Nine**

    “His flight lands in two hours. Gen is picking them up for us.” Y/N handed Danneel some water. “JJ fell asleep watching the rain.”

    Danneel smiled. “What do you think he’s going to say?”

    Y/N sat next to her. “He’s going to be happy, Dee.” She reached for her hand. “You two want more kids. Jensen is going to be excited.”

    “I was kind of hoping the next time we planned this kind of announcement, it’d be for you.” Danneel’s words surprised her.

    Y/N was shocked. “Me?”

    “I know you’re on top of the birth control.” Danneel looked at her. “Things happen though.”

    “Not with me.” Y/N said. “I didn’t think children were an option. Not…like for you.”

    “Do you want a baby?” Danneel had never asked. Jensen never wanted to have that conversation.

    Y/N thought about it for a minute. “I don’t know. I really stopped thinking about it a long time ago. My own children would complicate this.”

    “Richard and Susan…”

    “It was a little different. Richard wasn’t a public figure. They lived an hour outside of Los Angeles and she lived in a separate house next door, not the pool house.”

    Danneel was quiet for a few minutes. “Y/N, if you want kids, tell us. I’ll support you. You’re amazing with JJ and the boys. I know you’d be a great mother.”

    Y/N wasn’t sure about that, but she knew her children would never be able to acknowledge their father, JJ, and other siblings. “It’s too complicated, Dee. I love you for even thinking it’s possible, but that wouldn’t be fair of me.”

    “Maybe Jay and I are the ones who haven’t been fair to you when it comes to this.”

~*~

    “You never cook my favorite meal.” Jensen looked at Danneel suspiciously. “What’d you break?”

    “Nothing!” Danneel looked at Y/N. “You called it.”

    Jensen’s eyes looked at Y/N. “So what did you break?”

    “Nothing!” Y/N laughed. “Why does your mind immediately go there?”

    “Mommy, are you still sick?” JJ asked suddenly.

    Danneel looked at JJ. “What?”

    “You were sick.”

    Jensen looked at Danneel. “You were sick?”

    Danneel looked at Y/N. “I guess this isn’t going to happen the way we planned.”

    “Planned?”

    Danneel looked at Y/N. She nodded with a smile. Danneel bit her lip and looked at her husband and daughter. “I’m having a baby.”

    “You’re pregnant?!” Jensen asked. The smile Y/N loved appeared. “We’re…” He stood and pulled Danneel into a kiss. “Oh, Baby, this is great!”

    “I’m going to be a big sister?!” JJ asked.

    Y/N reached under the table into the bag she’d discreetly put there before Jensen and JJ came in for dinner. “I even got you a shirt!”

    She watched them with a smile, but Y/N felt this was one of the moments they didn’t need her around. She slipped through the back door, unaware of Jensen’s eyes on her. She walked down to the water and sat, thinking again about the choices she’d made in her life and wishing there weren’t things she wanted and couldn’t have.

    “Aren’t you cold?” His arms wrapped around her, his stubble gently touching the side of her neck as his lips left soft kisses on her skin.

    “I’m fine.” She was lying.

    He knew she wasn’t. His hands moved to her shoulders and rubbed gently. “JJ’s asleep. Danneel’s taking a bath. You’ve been out here awhile.”

    “This was one of the moments I needed to disappear, Jen.” Y/N turned around. “I’m happy for you and Danneel. I really am.” She smiled. “This is wonderful.”

    Jensen pushed a piece of hair from her eyes. “Dee mentioned you two talked earlier.”

    “What?”

    “Danneel thought maybe you’d be pregnant by now.” Jensen looked into her eyes. She started to speak, but he cut her off. “I don’t think it would be fair to you, or a child. You know how much I love you, Y/N. I can’t say I haven’t thought about seeing you pregnant with my baby.” He smiled for a second. “It’s just not going to happen.”

    Y/N stared at him for a full minute before she dared speak again. “Are you saying that you won’t give me a baby or that I can’t have one at all?”

    “What are you talking about?”

    “I’m not saying I’d go out sleep with some random guy or anything, but what if I decide I want to be a mother?”

    “You are an adult, Y/N. I can’t stop you.” Jensen told her. “Danneel and I didn’t discuss having children with you. It’s only fair that if you decide to become a mother, we stay out of it.”

    “You and Danneel are married. I expected you’d have kids.” She looked at him with a smile. “I live in your home. If I had your baby, yeah, it’ll be complicated, but I was already living here. It would make sense that your child did, even if you couldn’t openly acknowledge him or her. Adopting a child is different. Very different.”

    “This situation is the most wonderful, amazing thing we could have, but it’s so fucking complicated because of my career.” Jensen said. “I love what I do. It provides for my family, I wouldn’t have Jared, Misha, or some of the friends I have…”

    “I get it, Jen.” She sighed. “I know.”

    “Babe, if we were just three people living a completely normal life, all of us working normal nine to five jobs, I would give you all the babies you’d want.” He chuckled. “I have no clue how we’d pay for them, but I’d give you and Danneel everything I could.”

    “You already do.” She assured him.

    “I can’t give you a baby.”

    “I know. I understand.”

    Jensen wrapped his arms around her again. “I worry about what would happen to you and Danneel if someone found out about this and exposed us. I worry about what people would say about you…”

    “I worry about you and Danneel.”

    “Danneel doesn’t worry. She just wants it to work.” He smiled. “Y/N, I’m sorry.”

    “Don’t apologize, Jensen.” She looked into his eyes. “I made my decision. I want to be with you and Danneel. I knew as soon as I told you yes that some things were not going to happen for me. I may never give birth to my own child, but maybe one day I will adopt. I don’t know. Let’s get through Dee’s pregnancy first.” She smiled at him.

    “She was hoping you’d sleep in the house with us tonight.” Jensen smiled at her. “She said she wanted to cuddle.”

    “It’s your first night back.” She always tried to give them that.

    Jensen took her hand and started toward the house. “I want you with us.”

~*~

    Jensen came home after filming the season finale and slept for two days. When he finally ventured downstairs and started adjusting to being home for an extended period, he noticed Y/N was quiet. He didn’t have a chance to ask her about it, but he noticed that she seemed to be spending more time on her computer than usual. She and Dee were talking about a potential business venture so he first assumed she was doing research. When he noticed she was not talking much during meals, he asked Danneel.

    “She’s fine, Jay.” Danneel told him. “It’s been a busy few weeks.”

    After he was home a few days, he kissed Danneel and told her he was going to see Y/N. Danneel was half asleep and told him to tell Y/N she loved her. He quietly slipped downstairs and outside. He knocked twice on the pool house door before opening it. Y/N was sitting at her small table on her computer.

    “Anything interesting on there?” He asked.

    She looked up and smiled. “Nothing more important than you.” She shut the lid and stood up. “How’s Dee feeling?”

    “She’s tired. She said she loves you.”

    “I love her too.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “And I love you.”

    “I love you.” Jensen picked her up and carried her to the bed. “I’m worried about you.” He surprised her by moving into a cuddling position.

    “I’m fine, Jen.”

    “Are you?” He asked. “You’ve been on your computer for hours at a time the last few days. I know you do that at night, but I’ve never seen you haul that thing around like you have. What’s going on?”

    Y/N takes his hand. “I’m looking into some things for this idea Danneel and I had. I wanted to surprise her.”

    “With?”

    “I started remodeling on the building. The recording studios are gone. The entire first floor is going to be a showroom.” She saw his eyes. “Danneel’s the one with the fashion sense. I just know how to make phone calls.”

    “You can do more than that.” Jensen told her. “I can’t wait to see what you two come up with.”

    Y/N smile. “I’m excited and I’m scared. It’s so different than anything I’ve ever considered doing before.”

    “You and Danneel are going to make this a huge success.” Jensen knew that. “I’m so proud of my girls.” He kissed her softly. “I hate that I have some traveling to do this summer, but I plan to make the most of the time I’m home.”

    “I’m keeping JJ so Danneel can go with you when she’s up to it.” Y/N told him.

    “You’re too good to us, Darlin’.” His loving stare made her blush. He noticed and smiled. “I told her I was staying here tonight. Do you want me to?”

    “Yes,” She sat up moved to straddle him. “If Danneel needs us…”

    “She’ll call.” Jensen smiled. “She told me to give you extra attention.”

    “Oh did she?” Y/N giggled as he tickled her slightly. “You plan on listening to Danneel?”

    “I’ve learned what happens when I don’t.” He winked.

~*~

    “Twins?” Y/N’s mouth dropped. “You’re kidding!”

    “No!” Danneel laughed. “You should have seen Jensen’s face. He was in shock!”

    “I can only imagine!” Y/N laughed. “This is wonderful!”

    “I’m still in shock but I had a feeling.”

    “I told you that I had a weird vibe from you.” Y/N hugged her. “I can’t wait!”

    “Me either!” Danneel looked at her. “You’re okay?”

    “What? Why wouldn’t I be?”

    Danneel shrugged. “You haven’t mentioned anything about babies. I know he said something…”

    “I’ve been looking into adoption.” Y/N said the words quickly. “I don’t want to make any decisions without talking to both of you about this. Jen’s right; I can’t have his baby. We couldn’t put him on the birth certificate. The baby would never be able to call him Daddy…”

    “I…I never really thought about any of that.” Danneel’s face fell. “I just assumed that one day, we’d both fill a house with Jensen’s kids. I know how freaking crazy that sounds, but you love him as much as I do. He loves you too. I want you to have this in your life if you want it.”

    “I know, Dee, and I love you for it.” She kissed her. “I have to be screened. I explained my living situation, kind of. I didn’t lie. I live with you and Jensen to help with JJ. The pool house has two rooms…”

    “We’re getting a fence installed around the pool for safety.”

    “I don’t do drugs, I’ve never been arrested. I have plenty of money in the bank.” She smiles. “There’s really no reason I should be denied…”

    Danneel wrapped her arms around her. “This will happen, Y/N/N. You’ll get your baby, we’ll have the twins and JJ….”

    “Jensen has a say in this, Dee.” Y/N reminded her.

    Danneel winked. “Think he’d say no to both of us?”


	10. Chapter 10

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Ten  
**

    Y/N smiled as Danneel held Arrow and Jensen showed off Zeppelin. JJ was fascinated with her new brother and sister.

    “They’re so tiny!” JJ looked at Jensen. “Daddy, was I that small?”

    “Not quite, but you were tiny once too.” Jensen leaned over and kissed Danneel. Y/N slipped from the room and made a few phone calls. She’d ordered trays of food from several places and planned to make sure that Danneel and Jensen had no worries. Jensen was suppose to go to a convention on Sunday, but she was sure he wanted to cancel his appearance.

    Y/N knew Dee would encourage him to go. He’d fly straight back to work for a week or so, then he’d be home for an extended break. Jared would get the same break when Gen had their little girl in March.

    She went back to the room and smiled. “I have to run some errands. Your parents will be here soon and I want to make sure there’s nothing to worry about…”

    “Can I go with Aunt Y/N?” JJ asked. “I want to get the twins a present!”

    Danneel nodded. “I think that’s a good idea. Y/N, we should be able to go home tomorrow evening.”

    Jensen smiled. “At least I’ll be here for that.” He shook his head. “I’ll cancel, Dee. I want to stay….”

    “No.” Danneel told him. “Baby, there are a lot of people who are going to be there Sunday to see you and Jared. I’ll have Y/N, our parents, and Gen. You’ll be home soon.”

    “I just…”

    Y/N kissed Danneel’s cheek, touched both baby’s hands, and then kissed Jensen’s cheek. “JJ and I will call later.”

    “Love you.” Jensen said.

    “Love you, Daddy! Love you, Mommy!” JJ kissed them both and then kissed her babies. “Love you thing one and thing two.”

    Y/N picked up all of the food and took JJ back to the house. Jensen’s parents were already in town, staying downtown as they always did. Danneel’s parents were landing in two hours. They were renting a car for the week they’d be in town.

    “Aunt Y/N?”

    “Yes, Baby Girl?” Y/N looked up from the bell pepper she was cutting. She’d decided to make several meals they could freeze for the next few weeks and had three crock pots lined up on the counter.

    “Do you think you’ll ever have a baby?”

    The question had been coming up a lot lately. Jensen refused to discuss it anymore, but Danneel knew everything that happened with the adoption screening and interviews she’d had. Y/N had met with two mothers looking to give their babies up after birth. One decided to go with a married couple, one decided to keep her baby.

    Danneel kept promising Y/N that the perfect baby was out there.

    “You know,” Y/N smiled at JJ, he had pulled her step stool to the counter to watch Y/N cook. “I think maybe one day, I might have a baby.”

    “Who are you going to marry to get one?”

    She considered her answer carefully. “We’ll have to wait and see what happens.”

    JJ smiled. “I think you’ll be a pretty good mom. You’re a really great aunt.”

    “Well thank you, JJ.” Y/N smiled. “You’re a pretty amazing kid. You make it seem easy.”

    JJ rushed out of the room then and Y/N saw Jensen standing in the door.

    “How’s Danneel? How are the babies?”

    “Perfect and perfect.” He smiled. “She sent me home to shower.”

    “I bet you need it.” She smiled back. “I’m making red beans to freeze for next week. I’ve got stew going, and I’m going to make chili.”

    Jensen shook his head. “You and Danneel are both amazing women. She just had my babies and you’re here preparing to take care of my family.” He walked to her and kissed the top of her head. “How did I get so lucky?”

    “We’re lucky, Jensen. All of us.” Y/N looked at him. “You look so tired, Baby.”

    “I’ll sleep on the plane to San Francisco. Can you drive me to the airport? Jared and I have a flight out at 2:30 in the morning.”

    Y/N smiled. “I think I can manage that.”

    He kissed her one last time before heading upstairs. Y/N went back to cooking. JJ came back and grabbed her tiny apron and wanted to help. Three hours later, Jensen’s parents arrived, two hours after that, Danneel’s mom and dad were there.

    Jensen left for the hospital again and Y/N made sure everyone had food. JJ was going back to the hotel with Jensen’s parents so Y/N was alone for the night. As they left, Danneel’s mother stopped and studied her for a second.

    “I’d like to talk while I’m here, Y/N. It’s very important.”

    “Of course, Deborah.” Y/N smiled. “I’m sure we’ll have some time this weekend.”

    “I hope so.”

    Y/N prepared the vegetables for the roasts she planned to cook the next day, made sure the crock pots were ready, and then set the alarm before heading to the pool house. Once there, she checked her email.

    Her attorney had emailed her a profile for a young woman. Brandy was nineteen, a freshman in college and three months pregnant. She wanted to give her baby up for adoption and after looking through files, wanted Y/N to answer her questionnaire. Attached was more information about Brandy and Y/N was impressed. She answered the questions, sent the email, and took a deep breath. It was late Friday night so she wouldn’t hear anything until Monday.

    After a long shower in the guest room close to JJ’s room, Y/N checked on the little girl and then walked back to the guest room. She sent a text to Danneel and smiled when she got a response.

  _We miss you and JJ._ Danneel sent a picture of Jensen holding both babies. _See you tomorrow!_

  _Love you._  Y/N text back.  _Give everyone a kiss for me. Can’t wait to see you!_

_Love you! Jensen and I have a surprise for you._

~*~

    “Thanks for driving us.” Jared smiled at Y/N.

    “No problem. Obviously Danneel can’t and Gen needs her rest also. I’ll take her some food tomorrow.” Y/N smiled at Jared in the rear view mirror.

    Jensen was holding her hand. He squeezed it, a silent thank you, and spoke. “We’ll be home in a week or so. We need to start planning Christmas.”

    “I have some ideas. You and Danneel don’t need to worry about anything.” Y/N smiled at him. “I’ve got this.”

    When they arrived at the airport, Y/N parked the car. Jared got out and walked to the trunk. Jensen leaned over and kissed Y/N.

    “Thank you.” He was careful not to touch her, just in case. She understood. “I love you, Y/N.”

    “I love you, Jensen.” She smiled. “I’ll take care of our babies.”

    “Even the big one?”

    “Danneel is so going to hear about that!”

    “I meant JJ!”

    They laughed for a few seconds before he pulled her close. “Thank you. It’s so hard to leave Danneel and JJ….and you. It’s harder now. I want to stay.”

    “I know, Jen.” Y/N dared to kiss him. “Just think about cutting down on conventions next time you sign the agreement.”

    “Jared and I have been talking about that.” Jensen admitted. “We’re going to discuss it.”

    He kissed her one more time before they got out of the car. Jared gave her a hug as he waited for Jensen to grab his bags. Jensen hugged her again and whispered, “Love you, Babe.”

    “Love you.” She watched them leave and got into her car. It took her almost no time to get home and she was surprised to see Deborah awake and waiting.

    “Hi,” Y/N whispered. “I’m sorry if I woke you. I just got back…”

    “Y/N, you know we all love you, don’t you?”

    “Wh…what?”

    “Don’t you think it’s time you moved out, got your own place? Danneel and Jensen haven’t had any real time with JJ, and now they’ve got the twins….”

    Y/N once worried about this conversation but it had never come up before. She swallowed nervously before she spoke. “They’ve been wonderful to me….”

    “Yes, they have.” Deborah’s tone changed. “It’s a bit selfish, really. You’re a grown woman. The children need time with just Danneel and Jensen.”

    “I…I’ll most likely have my own place soon” Y/N said. “I’m looking into adopting. I wouldn’t dare ask Dee or Jen….”

    “That’s why I love you, Y/N. You’re smart. You know what’s best for my girl. You are already thinking about moving out.” Deborah hugged her. “Get some rest. Tomorrow’s going to be as busy as today.”

    Y/N had intended on sleeping next to Danneel. She’d wanted to be close in case she needed anything or if she needed help with the babies overnight. She made her way to the pool house and sank down against the door, tears coming to her eyes. She’d already told Danneel that she thought she might look for something close to them if she did adopt a baby. Danneel told her they’d figure something out. Deborah was right though. It was time for her to leave. She suspected that Danneel’s mother had her own ideas about what was happening. Y/N took a few deep breaths and then stood up. Her phone sounded and she saw the text from Jensen.

     _I miss you, Y/N. I miss all of my girls, and my boy. I’ll be home soon. I can’t wait for our first family Christmas with the twins._

    She closed her eyes and knew this would be their first family Christmas.

    Without her.


	11. Chapter 11

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Eleven**

    It was obvious to everyone that Y/N was distracted. Danneel’s parents stayed only a few more days. Jensen’s mom and dad left and came back a few days later. Gen visited with the boys daily. Y/N took care of Danneel, JJ, the twins, and each guest who came into the house. She said very little though. She left several times when others were there. She met with her attorney twice, did some Christmas shopping, and then looked at houses. She said nothing about what she was thinking. Danneel and her mother had a good relationship most of the time, but she’d seen them argue several times over the years and she did not want to be the cause of what she knew would be a huge fight.

    Jensen came home a day early. Danneel was taking a nap while the twins slept and JJ was playing in her room.. He walked into the kitchen and stopped. He leaned against the doorframe and watched her move around the kitchen gracefully.

    “You really are beautiful.” His voice cut through her thoughts.

    Y/N’s eyes met his and he saw what Danneel had been worried about the last few days. Sadness, confusion, and even anger. “Hey, Jensen. I didn’t expect you until tomorrow.”

    “No one did.” He walked to her. “What’s wrong?”

    “Nothing,” She tried to turn away, but he pulled her back. “Jen…”

    “Danneel’s worried about you. Gen said something to Jared. My mother mentioned it when we talked. Babe, what’s wrong?”

    “I’m fine.” She said automatically.

    “Y/N.” Jensen stared into her eyes. “I know you better than you know yourself. What the hell is going on?”

    “I think maybe…”

    Danneel walked in and smiled. “Welcome home, Baby.”

    Jensen released Y/N and embraced his wife. “How are you feeling?”

    “Not as sore, not as tired.” Danneel smiled at Y/N. “Someone has been taking really good care of me.”

    “I’m not surprised.” Jensen held Danneel’s hand and reached for Y/N’s. “Tell us what’s going on.”

    “I…I just think it’s time for me to move out.”

    Her words stunned them into silence. Danneel looked at Jensen before speaking. “Mom said something didn’t she?”

    “You two have never had a chance to have time with your children without me…”

    “That’s a bullshit excuse.” Jensen told her.

    “I want to adopt a child and Dee, you’ve been so supportive and amazing. Jensen, it’s obvious that you don’t want me to….”

    “It’s just that there’s a lot to think about with this, Y/N.”

    “The two of you, and your children, deserve a chance to have a family without me always around…”

    “You’re our family.” Danneel told her.

    “I know, and I love you,” She looked back and forth between them. “I love you both so much. I love the kids….”

    “Then don’t leave.” Jensen’s voice was barely a whisper.

    “I just think…”

    Jensen cut her off. “If you leave, don’t come back. Ever.”

    “Jay, calm down.”

    “If you leave, Y/N, you can’t come back.”

    Y/N turned away to hide her tears. She heard Danneel begging Jensen not to think that way. Y/N was about to leave when she saw JJ watching from the door.

    “Baby girl?”

    JJ ran into Y/N’s arms. “You can’t leave, Aunt Y/N. We need you!”

    “Oh, Sweetheart, I love you so much, but this is something that your parents and I need to talk about…”

    “No! I don’t want you to go! I want you to stay! Mommy and Daddy do too! Zep and Arrow do too! They just can’t tell you yet.”

    Y/N takes her in her arms and lets her tears fall as she holds the little girl close. Jensen steps forward and wraps his arms around them both. Danneel moved next to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

    She smiled and looked at them with a smile, tears in her eyes. “Fuck everyone else.”

    “Mommy!”

    “Sorry, JJ.” Danneel laughed. She looked at her husband and the woman they loved and smiled. “This is our life and I know it’s not perfect, but we aren’t giving it up for anyone.”

    Jensen looked at Y/N. “She’s right. This is what the three of us decided we wanted a long time ago.”

    “I want it too!” JJ said.

    They knew JJ didn’t understand their relationship. One day, she and the twins would probably figure it out and there would be a discussion then. For now, Y/N embraced them, tears falling down her cheeks.

    Danneel looked at JJ. “Want to help me with something. Daddy and Aunt Y/N need to talk about something important.” She winked at them.

    Alone, Jensen kissed her softly. “Let’s go to the pool house.”

    “Are you…”

    “Danneel is distracting JJ for a reason.” Jensen touched her face. “We don’t have to do anything, Y/N. You know that. Let’s go and spend some time alone.”

~*~

    Brandy was nineteen, away from home for the first time, and pregnant from a one night stand with someone she admitted she should have stayed away from. Y/N told her everyone makes mistakes and told her a little about being married to Randall, without giving too many details away.

    Y/N came back to the house with a file of information on Brandy. Danneel was impressed by the young woman’s accomplishments but Jensen said nothing. Eventually Y/N put the file away and started cooking dinner.

    Danneel led Jensen upstairs under the guise of changing the twin’s diapers. “Why aren’t you supportive of this?”

    “I am, I just…” Jensen wanted to put his thoughts into words but he couldn’t. He didn’t know how. Danneel was amazing. She would understand and she would be supportive. He was still worried about the impact the choice he wanted to make would have later.

    “Babe?” Danneel knew him. She knew her husband had been thinking about something major over the last few days. “What is it?”

    “What if Y/N having a baby is just the first step…”

    “First step in what?”

    “She’s said she’s leaving a few times. I say don’t come back. What if she leaves? What if I don’t let her back in?”

    “You will.” Danneel smiled at him. “I would never forgive you. We’ve talked about this, Jensen. If one of us decided this was over, she’d still be a part of our family. Y/N may meet someone one day…”

    “Do you think she has? Seen anyone?”

    “Y/N has been faithful to us. You’ve been faithful, I’ve been faithful.” Danneel assured him. “She’s been more faithful in some ways. She’s committed to our children as much as she is to us.”

    Jensen nodded. “She’d make an amazing mother.”

    Danneel sat next to him. “You’ve been thinking about that, haven’t you? I saw you watching her with Arrow last night. I saw the smile…”

    “I’ve been thinking about it, but it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.” Jensen reminded her.

    “Do you want her to have your baby?”

    Jensen took a deep breath. “Is it fair to say yes? What about this other girl? What if she decides Y/N is the best choice for her baby?”

    “Then we’re adding two more members to our family.” Danneel kissed him. “What do you want, Babe? I know what she wants. I know she’s not going to make a big deal about it. She’s not going to beg you….”

    Jensen smiled. “What about you? Dee, how would you feel about this?”

    “If you were cheating on me and had a baby with someone else, I’d castrate you.” Danneel said. “This isn’t cheating. We have a relationship with Y/N. I feel sometimes that she’s giving more than she’s getting. The baby will be an Ackles. You’ll be his or her father and our kids will know.” Danneel smiled. “I think it would be time to tell our families the truth and if they can’t accept that this is the family we want, I’m sorry for them.”

    He took a deep breath. “I think we may be trying to add another baby to this house.”

~*~

    Y/N was looking through the file when she heard the door and looked up. Jensen was watching her with a sweet smile.

    “Is everything….”

    “I wanted to talk to you.” Jensen looked more relaxed than he had in days. “We go through periods. You and I go through periods. Danneel believes in this, in all of us, too much to worry.”

    “One of many reasons I love her,” Y/N stood up. “What’s going on?”

    “If I changed my mind about something pretty big, would you be okay with it?”

    Y/N raised an eyebrow. “How big are we talking here?”

    Jensen kissed her. “I want you to have my baby.”

    “What?”

    “This is our family. Your family. We want to add your child to this crazy world we’ve created for ourselves.”

    “Jensen, are you sure?”

    He nodded. “Absolutely. I feel like I’ve been selfish. You are so amazing, so beautiful. You could have found a man, Y/N. You could have tons of children by now. You decided to take a chance on something crazy that may or may not have lasted through the week. It’s time that I stopped worrying about things and let life happen.”

    “You really want me to have your baby?” Y/N smiled.

    “Yes. Before you asked, Danneel and I have talked about this. She supports this. She can’t wait to spoil you.”

    She woke up in his arms, happy and still exhausted. She heard something and looked up to see Danneel with a breakfast tray.

    “Gen and Jared are here. No rush. I told them that we were making some more happy changes around here and you two were talking.”

    Jensen shook his head. “This looks amazing, Baby. Thank you.”

    Danneel kissed them both good morning. “Everything is good then?”

    “Everything is amazing.” Y/N smiled at both of them.

    “I can’t wait.” Danneel smiled back at her.

    Y/N started to say something but her phone rang. “Hello? Hi, Brandy….yeah, I can meet you. Sure….No! It’s not a problem!”

    She ended the call and saw Jensen’s eyes. “What?”

    “If we’re going to start trying, do you still want to adopt?”

    Y/N drew in a breath. “I was thinking maybe I need to tell her in person. I should take the file back so she has it.”

    “I’ll go with you.” Danneel said. “If she’s calling back, that’s a good sign.”

    “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t adopt this child, but I’m just asking if you want to adopt this baby when you’ll likely be having one of your own soon.”

    “I need to know she’s okay. She’s a sweet girl and she’s alone. If I don’t adopt her baby, she’s still going to be a sweet girl who is all alone. I need to meet with her, Jen. I need to talk to her face to face.”

~*~

    “My friend told me she’s seen you around. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you.”

    Y/N smiled. “What all did she tell you?”

    “She said you were married to Randall from Wank Haters and that after he died, you disappeared for a few years. You had a record company, which I knew, and she said you live with Jensen Ackles.”

    “That’s my husband.” Danneel smiled.

    “You were on TV too, weren’t you?”

    “I was.” Danneel nodded.

    Brandy looked uncomfortable. “I guess a friend of hers works at a bar Jensen’s friend owns. She said that there’s talk about you and Jensen having an affair.”

    “No,” Y/N shook her head. “I know there’s been rumors for years, but no. He and Danneel are my best friends. I live in their pool house…”

    “Which is not actually near the pool and the pool is gated with an alarm system.” Danneel said. “I have three children and we just got the gate installed recently. It’s something we were looking into but we wanted to have the best security system for it….”

    Brandy smiled. “That’s really great. My aunt and uncle did that with their pool.” She looked at Y/N. “I have three couples and you. I like you the best.”

    “So she’s getting your baby!?” Danneel smiled.

    “I want to say yes. My friends, the lawyers…they’re pushing me to pick a couple. I grew up in a single parent house. I know it’s hard. Financially, you’re better off than the others. I just know my mom did it all alone and she was worn out.”

    “I’m not really alone. I have support.” Y/N said.

    Danneel nodded. “My husband and I are her biggest supporters. She’s got friends and Y/N is amazing with kids. She’s going to be an amazing mother.”

    “I don’t doubt that at all. I’m just getting a lot of pressure.”

    “I’m sorry.” Danneel realized she wasn’t helping. “I should keep my mouth shut.”

    Brandy smiled at her. “Actually you helped. Y/N, you’re the right person to take my baby.”

    “I appreciate that, but you should meet with the other couples again. You’ve got a few months to decide. You are allowed to change your mind as many times as you want. This is your child.” Y/N reached across the table and took her hand. “Brandy, this baby will always be your child, even if you give him or her up for adoption. If you choose to go forward with adoption, you’ll be making the first and only decision you’ll make for your baby. Take some time and think about it. There may be something about one of the other couples that you find you like better.”

    “I…”

    “Think about it, Brandy. If you decide to go with someone else, I understand and I will respect that. If you need someone to talk to, you have my number. I know that’s not going to help you make decisions, but…”

    “Thank you, Y/N.” Brandy hugged her. “Thank you.”

    Danneel waited until they were in the car and smiled. “You’ll have a baby one way or another.”

    Y/N laughed. “If I’m not careful, I’ll have two babies. I’m pretty sure Jensen won’t be too thrilled about that.”

    “I think he would love it.” Danneel took her hand. “We’re starting a new chapter, Y/N. Our own business, new babies, and I think things are going to be even better.”

    “I think you’re right.” Y/N smiled at her. “I think the best is yet to come.”


	12. Chapter 12

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Twelve**

    Weeks later, the news came. Season thirteen was a go. The women were excited, but Y/N wondered if the decision to have a baby should be put on hold another year.

    Y/N confessed her concerns to Danneel. “No!” Danneel told her. “The doctor gave you a clean bill of health. Jensen and Jared are working something out so they are home more. It’s going to work out! Everything is going to be amazing.”

    “You always say that,” Y/N smiled at her. “You’re usually right.”

    “Yeah!” Danneel laughed.

    It was then that Danneel brought up Y/N moving into the main house. It was a discussion they’d had before, but put on hold when Danneel got pregnant with the twins. Y/N slept in the house often enough but Danneel didn’t want her alone when she got pregnant.

    It was a project they didn’t tell Jensen about. There were three rooms they barely used and within a week, they were cleaned out completely. Danneel surprised Y/N with a brand new bedroom set, and told her they’d work on the other two rooms once she was pregnant. When Jensen came home one night in March, he was surprised to see Y/N completely moved into the main house.

    Danneel asked him about his silence later that night.

    “I’ve been thinking. Maybe Y/N and I shouldn’t be talking about having a baby after all.”

    Y/N had come to their room to talk to them about an idea for JJ’s birthday. She froze outside the room.

    “Are you serious?” Danneel asked him. “Where the hell is this coming from?”

    “Damn it, it’s always been there! I’ve been scared to death of this since it started!”

    “So why are we doing it still? I’m in this one hundred percent. I know Y/N goes through her times of fear and all, but she’s still always been one hundred percent committed to us. Where are you in this, Jensen?”

    “I’m committed but I am worried about someone getting hurt! I’m worried about the kids. I’m worried about Y/N and most of all you!”

    Y/N turned and walked downstairs slowly and quietly. Jensen loved her. She knew that. Jensen had never seemed completely and totally comfortable with the arrangement though. He was constantly worried about everything. Once alone, she reached for her purse and walked into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she sat on her bed and waited. Just as she was about to go and look and see what path the rest of her life would take, she heard the knock.

    Jensen and Danneel walked in together. Jensen looked much calmer, but Danneel still looked upset.

    “Hey,” Y/N looked toward the bathroom. “What’s going on?”

    “We need to talk, Darlin’.” Jensen pulled a chair over and sat across from her.

    “I want you to know that I don’t like this.”

    Y/N looked at Danneel. “What’s going on?”

    Jensen kissed her softly. “I love you. That makes this so much harder.”

    “Just say it.” Y/N was sure that this was it. Jensen was going to tell her it was over.

    “I don’t think we should have a baby.”

    “Oh…okay…”

    “No, it’s not okay!” Danneel said.

    Y/N turned to her. “It is. I heard some of what you said earlier. I was coming to show you something for JJ’s birthday. I didn’t mean to…”

    “You heard enough, didn’t you?”

    Y/N nodded. “I know how tonight will go. We’ll have this discussion and we’ll all get upset and then Danneel will reel us back in.”

    “Pretty much.” Jensen knew she was right.

    “Are we doing that for the next forty years?” Y/N asked. “If you aren’t comfortable with this relationship after seven years, you’ll never be comfortable with it, Jen.”

    “I am. I’m scared.”

    “We all are.” Y/N said. “Even Dee.”

    “I’m scared to lose this.” Danneel said.

    Y/N knew then she was making a sacrifice. “I don’t need a baby.”

    “Y/N!”

    “Stop.” She urged Danneel. “I have you two and you share your beautiful children with me. That’s perfect. That’s amazing.”

    “I’m sorry,” Jensen took a deep breath. “I know it’s not fair…”

    “Do I need to move back to the pool house?”

    “No,” Danneel said. “You never belonged out there.”

    Jensen managed a smile. “She’s right about that.”

    Y/N nodded. “I want to take a shower.”

    “Come upstairs when you’re finished.” Danneel smiled. “Please.”

    “Yeah,” Y/N kissed her. “I promise.”

    Jensen lingered but left after watching her for a few seconds. Y/N slowly walked to the bathroom on shaky legs and picked up the test.

    Her tears came fast and furious. She knew this meant changes. Y/N knew this her life’s path had changed again since December.

    She looked up and saw Jensen in the mirror. He was watching her cry, concern and confusion on his face.

    “I love you, Baby. I do. I’m so sorry that…” His eyes landed on the pregnancy test. “Y/N…shit.”

    “It’s negative.” She told him. “No worries, Jensen.”

    “Y/N,” he pulled her into his arms and carried her to the bed. For once, she allowed herself to cry as hard as she needed to while he comforted her.

    Danneel joined them a few minutes later and Jensen motioned toward the bathroom. Danneel walked in and walked out with tears in her eyes.

    “Hey,” Danneel rubbed her back. “We’re both here, Baby.”

    “I…I thought I’d surprise you both.” Y/N wiped her eyes. “It’s negative. No more worries. We’ll go back to being careful…”

    “Y/N,” Danneel hugged her tight.

    “I’m sorry, Y/N.” Jensen’s own tears fell. “I’m sorry.”

    “It’s okay.” She told him.

    They spent the night talking. They argued some, but by the early morning, when Danneel went to get the twins, they were in a better place. They knew that moving forward, things would be better.

    Danneel smiled at Y/N holding Zep. “I think it’s a mistake for you two not to have a baby.”

    “I think we need to think about it a lot more.”

    Y/N smiled at both of them. “I think it’s in fate’s hands now. Whatever happens, happens. We accept it and make the most of it.”

    Jensen kissed the top of her head. “We can leave it to fate.”

    Danneel looked at them and nodded. “I can agree to that.”

    Jensen kissed them both before going to start breakfast and nodded. “While we wait on fate, I’m going to cook my beautiful family some breakfast and then we’re going to spend the day cuddled together enjoying each other’s company.”


	13. Chapter 13

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Thirteen**

    The business bloomed over the next few weeks. Danneel and Y/N were busy, but they were able to take the children with them to the shop and took turns taking care of them. JJ was in school with Shep and Tom, and Y/N took over picking the kids up when Gen and Jared had their baby girl. Everything fell into place and everyone was happy. Jensen had been more relaxed, more at ease, than in years.

    Late one morning, Y/N’s phone rang as she was heading out to get groceries. Danneel and the kids were at Gen’s for the day and she’d chosen to take care of some things at home.

    “Hello?”

    “Y/N? It’s Brandy.”

    She was surprised. She hadn’t heard from Brandy since their last meeting. “Hi, how are you?”

    “I had my baby last night.”

    “How are you feeling?” Y/N was concerned. If Brandy was calling…

    “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I isolated myself from everyone. I needed time to think and I came to a decision that I needed time to process.”

    Y/N bit her lip and took a deep breath. “How do you feel about the decision?”

    “Scared. I have a daughter now and I’m keeping her.”

    That was not the news she expected. Y/N was sure that one of the other couples had been chosen. “Wow, that’s a wonderful surprise.”

    “You think so? Really?”

    “If this is what your heart is telling you to do, listen.” Y/N smiled, tears forming in her own eyes. “Take care of that baby girl and you love her with everything you can. You’re going to be just fine. It may take some time, but you’ll make it.”

    “Thanks, Y/N.” Brandy was crying. “I should have called you but I was scared…”

    “No, you needed time to decide for yourself.” Y/N told her. “Get some rest now. Call me sometime, okay?”

    “Yeah, I will. Thank you.”

    Y/N wiped her tears, grabbed her purse, and left the house. She tried to distract herself the rest of the day. She made Danneel’s favorite chicken dish for dinner, helped get the kids in bed, and then waited until Jensen called to tell them both about what happened.

    “I’m sorry, Babe.” Jensen was sincere. They’d talked again about her adopting and he was more open to the idea than he had been before.

    “She’s not giving up!” Danneel smiled. “I’m not going to let her.”

    “We’ll see what happens.” Y/N took Danneel’s hand as they looked at Jensen’s face on the small screen. “We’re putting our trust in fate, remember?”

~*~

    The next afternoon, it was Danneel’s turn to pick JJ and the Padalecki boys up from their gymnastics class. Y/N stayed with the twins and continued working on the homecoming meal they were preparing for Jensen.

    The phone call almost two hours after Danneel left was a surprise. The gym was worried. JJ and the boys hadn’t been picked up.

    Y/N explained that Danneel had left on time. She couldn’t go to pick the kids up because she was alone with the twins. Arrow had been coughing all day and she didn’t want to take her out if it could be helped. After a phone call to Gen, Y/N called the gym and let them know that the kids would be picked up. Y/N saw Danneel’s cell phone on the counter then. It was unusual for Danneel to leave her phone behind, but she did it occasionally to get a break from the constant calls and texts she got daily.

    Gen sent a text from the gym.  _Bad wreck blocked traffic for a few hours. They detoured most people but there’s a lot of cars still waiting to pass. Danneel may be waiting._

    When Gen arrived back with the kids, Y/N felt something was off. Something was wrong.

    “She left her phone. We know she doesn’t do that unless she’s being bugged. She would have borrowed someone’s phone and gotten a hold of someone by now.”

    “This is not like her at all.” Gen agreed. She was about to call home and ask Jared to bring the baby to her when they heard the doorbell. Y/N raced to it. She almost fainted when she saw the police officers.

    “We’re looking for a Mr. Jensen Ackles or a Ms. Y/N Longley.”

    “I’m Y/N Longley.” Her voice was low.

    “Ma'am, there’s been an accident. You’re listed after Jensen Ackles as next of kin for Elta Danneel Ackles…”

    “Yes,” she offered no further explanation.

    “We need you to come with us, please.” One of the officers said.

    Gen was behind her. “I’ll call Jared.”

    “Jensen…I have to call….”

    Gen shook her head. “Go with them, find out what’s going on. Jensen will be home in a few hours. We’ll be okay here. Jared and I will take care of things here.”

    Y/N turned back to the men waiting by the door. “Let me get my things, please.”


	14. Chapter 14

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Fourteen**

    She thanked the officers for driving her back home. Y/N turned toward the house and took a deep breath.

    Y/N stopped for a minute. She closed her eyes and tried to forget what she’d seen, what she’d been told, everything ahead of her for that night.

    Her best friend, the woman she loved, the woman who loved her unconditionally, was gone.

    “Damn it, Dee.” Y/N whispered. “Why? What the hell am I doing to do without you?”

    She steadied herself and walked inside. The kids were at the table, laughing, eating, and playing. Gen and Jared were sitting at the counter. Her eyes met Gen’s first, and then Jared’s. No words were needed.

    “Hey, y’all finished with this?” Jared asked. “Let’s go watch a movie!”

    Once alone, Gen and Y/N embraced. Gen cried into Y/N’s shoulder for a good twenty minutes before Jared came back and took his wife into his arms. Once Gen calmed down, Jensen walked in. He smiled and looked around.

    “Where’s Dee?” He asked. “I was calling and messaging you two for hours.”

    Y/N took his hand. “Come outside with me, Baby. Please.”

    “Y/N?”

    Jared kissed the top of Gen’s head. “Come and get me if you need me.”

    Y/N knew they had very little time before Danneel’s name would be given to the media. “Jensen, something happened this afternoon. Danneel…”

    He knew something was wrong. “What is it?”

    “There was a car accident. I don’t know much. A car crossed the median and hit Danneel head on. They are positive it wasn’t drugs or alcohol. The driver…”

    “Danneel’s in the hospital and you’re here?” Jensen asked. “Y/N, why wouldn’t you stay with her?”

    “Baby,” She touched his cheek. “Jensen, she’s gone.”

    He shook his head. “You’re wrong, Y/N. She’s probably really hurt and probably pissed we aren’t there.”

    “Jensen, look at me.” Y/N’s Y/E/C eyes met his green eyes. “I had to go and identify her. She died instantly.”

    Jensen stared at her for a full minute, searching her face for any sign that she was wrong. He looked at Jared. His best friend gave him a small nod. Jensen started shaking. “No, it’s not…”

    “Come here,” Y/N grabbed his hand and pulled him to the pool house. “The kids can’t see you like this, Jen.”

    Once inside, Jensen grabbed a chair and threw it across the room. “This isn’t happening! This isn’t real!”

    “Sweetheart, please.” Y/N reached out to him, but Jensen was out of control.

    “Danneel isn’t dead. She can’t be!” Jensen flipped the table. Jared stood frozen, not sure what to say or do. Y/N grabbed Jensen’s arms. He was stronger than she was, but she fought him for control.

    “I’m here! Jared’s here. Jensen, we’re here,” She touched his cheek with one hand. “We’re hurting too.”

    Jensen looked at her and broke down. He wrapped his arms around her waist and sank to the floor. Y/N held him for a long time while Jared leaned against the wall, not sure what to say or do.

    “Baby, I need to make some phone calls.” Y/N said. “Jared, will you stay with him?”

    “Check on my babies.” Jensen looked at her. “Check on them.”

    “I need you to calm down, Jensen. We have to tell JJ.”

    Jensen shook his head. “Can you do it? Please…”

    “We’ll do it together,” Y/N kissed the top of his head. “We’ll do it together, Jensen.”

    She moved, but his hold tightened. “Please, Y/N. I…”

    “Jared, go look in on the kids and make sure Gen is okay.” Y/N smiled at him. He nodded and left quickly. To Jensen she said, “I’m here. I need to take care of a few things baby, but I’m here.”

    “Danneel was my everything, until you and the kids.” Jensen said. “I love her so much, Y/N. I can’t even begin to think about how I can do this without her.”

    “You’ll have help.”

    “My children…”

    “You will always have my help.” Y/N looked at him. “Danneel is my best friend. Her babies mean the world to me and you know this. I love you all so much and I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to help you and the kids.”

    Jensen nodded. She held him for a bit longer before she had to push him.

    “Your kids need you, Babe. We need to tell JJ and I need to call her parents and yours.” She touched his cheek. “I know what she wanted. We made arrangements once, as a precaution….”

    “You two would.” Jensen wiped his eyes. “I guess we need to do this.”

    “I’ll be right there with you, Jensen. I’m here.”

    JJ was in the kitchen asking Jared where everyone was when they came in the door. JJ didn’t know her dad was back and threw herself in his arms.

    “Where’s Mommy?” JJ asked.

    Jensen took a deep breath and walked to the table. He sat down with JJ in his lap and Y/N pulled a chair next to him.

    He looked at Y/N. She nodded and he opened his mouth, but nothing would come out.

    Y/N touched his shoulder. “JJ, something happened to your Mommy today…..”


	15. Chapter 15

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Fifteen**

    The funeral was short and simple, exactly what Danneel wanted. Y/N stood alone in the back. Gen and Jared turned to check on her several times. They were sitting with the family.

    Y/N had been asked to move to make room for cousins that Danneel had met maybe once in her life.

    Y/N listened to people tell stories of Danneel, but she didn’t go to the microphone as so many expected. Instead, she remember their greatest moments in her head.

     _“You and I are going to have a great day!” Danneel promised._

_Y/N laughed. “You and I are going to Hawaii for a week. It’s going to be a great trip!”_

    She smiled remembering the times they laughed, cried, when she held Danneel’s children for the first time, and the last time she saw her.

     _“I’ll be back soon.” Danneel promised. “I have some ideas to welcome our man home with.”_

_Y/N rolled her eyes. “You always do.”_

_“Oh, you’re going to love what I’ve got in mind.” Danneel walked over and kissed her. The kiss had deepened and they hugged each other tight._

_“Love you, Dee.”_

_Danneel smiled and winked. “Love you more.”_

    Jensen realized that Y/N wasn’t next to him. He turned, expecting her to be with Jared and Gen, but instead she was standing alone in the very back. His heart ached. She was Danneel’s best friend. Why wasn’t she….He saw his mother-in-law watching him. He knew then. The Harris family wanted to push her out.

    Y/N saw him looking at her. She gave him a soft smile and looked down. She knew that there would be questions. The family was already furious that she was still living there anyway. They were angry that she’d been the one to handle the arrangements. They resented that she was the one who took control and did what needed to be done.

    JJ turned and saw her then. The little girl moved away from her grandparents and ran to Y/N.

    “I want to be with you right now.”

    “Okay, Baby,” Y/N whispered. She held her for the rest of the service and then slowly walked to Jensen once everyone was outside.

    “I’ll take JJ to the cemetery with me.”

    “That sounds good.” Jensen hugged her. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

    “Focus on you, Jen.” She told him. “I’m a big girl.” She winked.

    A few hours later, Y/N was checking trays, refilling cups, and started the dishwasher with round one of dirty dishes. No one had spoken to her except Jared and Gen. JJ was napping in her room, the twins were with Jensen’s sister upstairs.

    Jensen had insisted everyone stay elsewhere. He said that he and the kids needed things to stay as normal as possible. Danneel’s mother made a comment about Y/N living inside the house now. Y/N ignored it, but Alan, Jensen’s father, spoke up.

    “It makes sense. She’ll be closer to the kids.”

    “She’s not their mother.”

    “No one said that. No one implied that.” Donna Ackles kept her tone even. “She’s been a huge part of their lives though and she’s staying to help Jensen. It makes sense that she’s staying inside now.”

    Y/N had said nothing. She continued wrapping leftovers, putting things away, and eventually saw Jared and Gen in front of her.

    “You’re a saint.” Gen told her. “Danneel would have thrown her family out…”

    “The last thing Jen and the kids need is for me to fight with her family.” Y/N said. “It’ll be okay though. Most are leaving tomorrow. Her parents are leaving tomorrow night. They’re coming back for a week for JJ’s birthday.”

    “By then, maybe they’ll stop and realize that you’re helping Jensen.” Jared said.

    “Maybe.” Y/N didn’t have high hopes.

    Gen gave her a hug. “I’ll call in the morning. We’re going to grab the kids and go for the night.”

    “Hey,” Y/N hugged them both. “Thank you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you two either.”

    “Call me if you need anything.” Gen was worried about her. Y/N was holding it together much better than she expected. “I mean it.”

    “Thanks,” Y/N watched them leave and then went to take care of the twins and JJ. Donna and Alan actually had the twins ready for bed and had tried to keep them awake as much as possible so they would sleep. Y/N told them she’d removed the baby monitor from the room Jensen had been sleeping in. She promised them she’d try and make sure he slept that night.

    “We know you will, Sweetheart.” Donna hugged her. “Y/N, he told us everything.”

    “What?”

    Alan took a deep breath. “Jensen told us everything a few months ago. He and Danneel wanted us to know because they were tired of hiding it. I think we knew all along. I know it’s not something that most people understand but it made all of you happy. Our grandchildren are well cared for and we know you’re going to keep doing that for Danneel, and for us.”

    “Of course.” She never imagined that Jensen and Danneel would tell their families anything. “You don’t have to worry about that. Jensen is going to try and fight me, I’m sure. I’m not going anywhere. I promised Danneel a long time ago that I would always be here for her children and I plan to make good on that.”

    They thanked her and went to tell JJ goodnight. JJ was still in her dress, staring at the lake from her window.

    “Hey, Baby girl.” Y/N sat next to her. “What are you thinking about?”

    “Mommy.”

    “I’m thinking about her a lot too, Sweetie.” Y/N held up her pajamas. “Let’s get changed.”

    JJ was ready for bed in less than five minutes and asked Y/N where her dad was.

    “I don’t know, Baby. I’ll look for him…”

    “I’m here, Princess.” Jensen was in the doorway. “You ready for bed?”

    JJ nodded. “Can we go see Mommy tomorrow?”

    Jensen froze. Y/N bit her lip and smiled at JJ. “Maybe Saturday, okay. We need to give it a few days.”

    “Okay.” JJ nodded. “Can we take flowers?”

    “Yeah, we can do that.” Y/N moved so Jensen could say goodnight. She listened to him sing to JJ and then kissed the little girl. 

    “I’ll check on you later. Try and get some sleep, Baby Girl.”

    Y/N left JJ’s door open and pulled her hair from the braid she’d fix that morning. Jensen watched her and reached out to hug her.

    “Whiskey?” He asked.

    “Share a glass.” She smiled at him.

    They sat at the counter, sharing the glass in silence. Jensen kept looking at her, wondering if she was going to break. She’d stayed strong for everyone and he worried that she wouldn’t tell him when she needed him. He worried he wouldn’t be able to be as strong for her as she’d been for him.

    “Do you think JJ should go back to gymnastics?” He asked.

    Y/N nodded. “Absolutely. Next week. I think we take the rest of this week off as much as we can. Let the kids settle down a bit, try and figure out a new routine and then we’ll take things one day at a time. JJ needs to go back to school and gymnastics though. Her friends are there and she’ll need that, Jensen.”

    “You’re right.” He said, reaching for her hand. “I’m sorry I haven’t been much help over the last few days. Especially with the arrangements…”

    “I knew what Dee wanted. You and her parents shouldn’t have had to deal with that. It was a beautiful service.”

    “I spoke to her parents. I told them you aren’t going anywhere and Danneel would be heartbroken if she knew the way you were treated today.”

    “It doesn’t matter. They are going…”

    “It does.” Jensen said. “It matters a hell of a lot to me how you’re treated.”

    “Your parents told me that you told them about me.” She had planned to wait to mention it, but now she needed to know. “Did she tell her parents?”

    “I think she did and I think they had the opposite reaction of my parents.” Jensen actually smiled. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. We planned on it but things kept happening.”

    “It’s okay. I’m kind of glad they know. It explains why I’m not leaving, I guess.”

    He looked at her and took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do here. I don’t know what this means for the two of us.”

    “I know.” She said. “I don’t expect anything, Jensen. We both lost her. We both miss her. I love you, Jensen. That hasn’t changed. You and Danneel, and the kids, have been my whole world for a while now. If things between us change at all, it’ll happen because that’s what’s right for us, our relationship, and the kids.”

    He kissed her softly. “Danneel, you, the kids…you’ve all brought me so much happiness. I can’t see past the pain right now.”

    “I know.” She told him. “It’ll take time, and it’ll always hurt, but things will get back to a good place.”

    “I don’t doubt that.” He sighed. “The network isn’t pushing, but we’ve got to talk about next season. I just don’t know. I mean, I want to make sure that my kids are provided for. I just know I don’t want to be away from my kids for too long.”

    “We can go up there for a few weeks, Jen. We’ve got some amazing managers at the store so I would be able to leave town. We’ll make it work.”

    “I know,” He stood up. “We’ll talk more about all of this later on.” He kissed the top of her head. “Thanks again, Y/N.”

    “Love you.”

    “Good night.”


	16. Chapter 16

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Sixteen**

    Two days after the funeral, the attorney called and asked Jensen, Y/N, Gen, and Jared to meet him at the house to discuss something. Y/N assumed it was Danneel’s will but tried to find a way out of the meeting. Jensen said that the attorney insisted that she was there.

    “I’m very sorry about Danneel. I adored her.” Lydia Jones spoke to Jensen. “She was a tough lady and a hell of a good person.”

    “Yeah, thanks.”

    “Her will was very simple. Six college accounts. Three for her own children, three for the Padalecki children. If you already have accounts for the children, the money can be transferred in.”

    “She set up accounts for our kids?” Jared looked at Y/N. Of course she knew. She’d planned to ask about the accounts.

    “Jared, Danneel left money for you to use for your charities. Gen, Danneel left you her half of the business she and Y/N own.”

    Gen looked at Y/N. “Did you…”

    “Yes.” Y/N nodded. “We both did that. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. We’ll talk about it later.”

    Gen was stunned.

    “Jensen, you obviously get everything else.”

    He nodded and then looked at Y/N. “What about Y/N?”

    “Danneel left her most important treasures to Y/N.” Lydia slid an envelope across the table to Y/N. “Danneel wanted you to adopt her children if something happened to her.”

    “Wh…what?” Y/N looked at Jensen. “Did you….”

    “I didn’t know about this.”

    “She mentioned it once.” Gen said. “I thought you knew.”

    “She never said anything to me.” Y/N opened the envelope and read the letter. It was hard, but she managed not to cry. “Wow.”

    “Jensen, you have a say in this.” Lydia assured him. “Danneel understood that but she insisted you would know to do what she wanted.”

    “Of course.” He took the papers and signed them.

    “Jensen?”

    “You need to sign here,” He pointed to the paper.

    Y/N’s head was spinning. “I love those kids as much as if I gave birth to them myself. You have to be completely okay with this, Jen. You have to know that if I sign these papers, you and the kids aren’t getting rid of me.”

    “Danneel wanted this for a reason, Y/N. I had no idea she was going to do this but I am more than okay with it. I know how much you love my children and I know you’ll be there for them no matter what. This will make things a lot easier for all of us later.”

    Y/N took the papers and read them over. She looked at Jensen one last time. He nodded with a small smile.

    Y/N signed the papers.

~*~

    Brandy’s call two weeks later came as a surprise. Jensen had returned to work but was back in Austin for a few days. Y/N met with Brandy for lunch. Her baby girl, Kayla, was precious, but Y/N saw the look in Brandy’s eyes.

    “I’m really sorry about Danneel. She was really nice when I met the two of you.”

    “She worried about you too.” Y/N told her. “We’re adjusting. The twins are too young to understand but they miss her. They know she’s not there anymore. JJ has good and bad days. We’re going to travel a little over the summer and try and distract ourselves.”

    “That sounds really great.” Brandy looked around and took a deep breath. “Y/N, I’m sorry for calling like this but I…I made a mistake.”

    “What? What happened?”

    “I can’t keep her. I’ve been working two jobs that barely get me by. My scholarship is gone. I missed too many classes and my GPA went down. My mom said I could home but she said I can’t keep Kayla.” Brandy looked into Y/N’s eyes. “I need you to take my baby and love her. I realize this is awful timing after what’s happened but…”

    “Brandy, I want to say yes. I really do. Things are a little more complicated now though.”

    “I know. I’m sorry…”

    “I’m not saying no!” Y/N said quickly. “I just need to talk to Jensen. It’s his home and I’ll be taking care of his three children, and Kayla. I need to make sure that he’s still okay with this.” She explained Danneel’s request. “We go before the judge tomorrow to make it official. I want to make sure he understands that adopting Kayla changes nothing with his kids.”

    “I understand.” Brandy wiped her eyes.

    “Can you hold on just a few more days?” Brandy nodded. “I’ll speak to him tonight and let you know.”

    Once home, she realizes it’s quiet. “Jensen?”

    “Hey,” he kissed her quickly. “Mom and Dad came to town for tomorrow.”

    “What?”

    “They knew apparently. Danneel wanted them to know what she wanted in case something happened.”

    Y/N nodded. “They’ve got the kids?”

    Jensen nodded. “I was hoping we could talk. Hang out. Not put any pressure on ourselves.”

    “I’d like that.” Y/N hugged him.

    “There’s something you want to say.” Jensen knew her well.

    “Brandy called. She asked me to take her baby.”

    Jensen looked at her surprised. “She changed her mind?”

    “I don’t know. I hope she’ll think about this long and hard before she does anything that can’t be undone.”

    “I would be a real ass to tell you not to do this.” Jensen said. “I know exactly what Danneel would be doing right now.”

    “Getting the room next to mine ready.” Y/N laughed. “I just want to make sure…”

    “You had no kids and suddenly you’ve got four.”

    Y/N’s mouth dropped. She stared at him before moving away. “Excuse me.”

    “I’m sorry.”

    “No, don’t. You’re right. Sort of. I’m not their mother. I told you that I’ll always be Aunt Y/N. I don’t want the kids to call me Mom. I’m their aunt who just happens to have adopted them. It’s complicated and it’s different but whatever.”

    “Whatever?”

    “Whatever! Whatever we have to do to make sure the kids have a good life.”

    “We.” he shook his head. “Sometimes I wish I had thought about that for ten seconds. I wouldn’t have signed the papers.”

    “Then tell the judge in the morning that you’ve changed your mind.”

    “Y/N…”

    “I’ll do it for you.” Y/N walked to her room and slammed the door. Jensen threw his head back and asked, “Danneel, what the hell do I do here?”

~*~

    Y/N was quiet as they rode to the courthouse. Y/N begged everyone not to make a big deal of the day. She was sure that Jensen was going to protest it and she was prepared for that.

    He didn’t. He told the judge that his wife knew what she was doing when she made these arrangements and that he knew that he could trust Y/N more than anyone else to take care of and love his children.

    “Why didn’t you stop it?” Y/N asked him in the car. He’d insisted they ride together.

    Jensen looked over at her. “Danneel and I have never trusted anyone else the way we trust you. It would be an insult to the women I love to keep you away from my kids. Y/N, the kids love you, I love you. Danneel…”

    “I love you all too.” Y/N stared out the car window. “I’m suppose to meet Brandy later today.”

    “Can I…can I come with you?” Jensen asked.

    “Why would you want to do that?”

    “I got to thinking that maybe we’d adopt the baby together.” Jensen pulled into the parking lot of a small restaurant they came to often. “I want to talk about this, Y/N.”

    “Why would you be thinking about that?”

    Jensen took her hand. “Eventually, I think we’ll figure this out.” he kissed her hand. “I know Dee would want that. I know I want that.”

    “I do too, but it takes time, Jen. Are you scared I’m going to leave?”

    “I know you won’t.” Jensen sat back. He looked like he was fighting tears. “I’m sorry. It was a bad idea.”

    “No, it’s not.” She looked at him. “It’s not if we do end up working through this…”

    “When did we end this?” Jensen asked.

    Y/N shrugged. “I don’t think we did. I think we’re both still reeling from everything. We need to catch our breath. We’ll be traveling soon and we’ll have time to talk and relax…”

    “I want to go with you today, Y/N. Please.”

    Y/N nodded. “I would like that. I think it’s only fair that Brandy meet you. Whether you want it or not, she’ll probably look at you as her father.”

    “I want it, Babe. I wanted it before.”

    “Yeah, I know.” She took a deep breath. “I should call her and…”

    “I’ll let mom and dad know we’ll be a little while longer.”

~*~

    They arrived at the park a few minutes before they were expected. Y/N saw Brandy immediately. A man and a woman were standing with her. Brandy was crying and handed over the diaper bag. The woman held the baby while her husband took the stroller and car seat. Y/N turned around. “We aren’t needed.”

    “Is that her?” Jensen asked.

    “She made her decision, Jensen.” Y/N grabbed his arm. “Let’s just go.”

    “She’s toyed with you for months!” Jensen got angry. “She was giving you her baby, then she wasn’t, then she didn’t call, then she was keeping the baby, and then she wanted to give you a baby.” He stopped. “Fuck, Y/N. I’m sorry.”

    “You didn’t do this…”

    “I did worse. I promised you our baby and then I changed my mind without thinking at all about how you’d feel.” Jensen saw the young woman watching. Y/N looked and Brandy turned to run.

    “Let’s just go.” Y/N started toward the car.

    “Hey,” Jensen jumped in front of her. “I know it’s not the same, but you’re officially…”

    “I’m not going to celebrate that, Jensen. I adopted your children because Danneel asked me to in her will. I’m not celebrating the fact that I have three kids because my best friend died.”

    “I’m not asking you….I just….” Jensen drew in a deep breath. “Let’s go home.”

    “We should do that.” she refused to look at him.

    Jensen told his parents what happened and they offered to take JJ one more night. He agreed. Y/N went to her room for a nap. She took Arrow with her, laying her in a small portable bed next to hers. When she woke up a few hours later, she heard music and listened. She smiled when she heard Jensen singing. After changing Arrow’s diaper and onesie, she made her way to the kitchen. Jensen had Zep sitting in his seat on the counter, smiling while his dad sang to him.

    Jensen looked up to see Y/N standing close with Arrow. “Hey.”

    “Hey,” She let him take the baby girl and she grabbed her seat from the floor. “You sound great.”

    “Thanks. I hadn’t really been singing much. Just to JJ at bedtime.”

    “I noticed.” Y/N grabbed water from the refrigerator and looked around. “You’re making….”

    “I thought maybe I’d try and start showing you some appreciation.” Jensen kissed her. “You and I are in a weird place because there’s always been Danneel to keep things together, and keep us thinking about the positives.”

    “I know that she would want us to move on together, but I think she’d get it. I think she’d understand that we may have to start over in some ways.”

    Jensen smiled. “I was kind of thinking that. I thought maybe starting over as friends first would be a good idea. We are both hurting. We both loved her very much. We still love each other, but we need to adjust to this new life.”

    Y/N nodded. “I think that’s a great idea. I think you and I know what we want but it’s going to take time and patience. I think Danneel assumed we would be able to keep it together and we can’t. Not the way she did.”

    “She just knew what to say and do.” Jensen smiled.

    “Yeah, she did.” Y/N watched Jensen as he worked on the homemade sauce. “Let’s not put pressure on ourselves. We know what we had before. It’s always been a little twisted. Not necessarily in a bad way. Just twisted because it’s felt like it’s never what we expect, you know.”

    “I get it.” Jensen looked at her with a smile. “You look beautiful when you first wake up.”

    “Jen…”

    “You do.” He told her. “Taste this.” He held the spoon up for her to sample. “Is that okay?”

    “It’s great.” She felt herself relaxing for the first time in weeks. She started setting the table and soon they were eating. They kept the topics light and as soon as they finished their meal, they fed the babies and got them ready for bed. The twins were asleep before they were even laid down.

    “Thank you for dinner,” Y/N kissed Jensen’s cheek. “It was a much better way to end the last couple of days.”

    Jensen nodded and then reached for her. He pulled her to the room he’d started sleeping in since Danneel’s accident.

    The kisses were gentle, but demanding. Their hands roamed each other’s bodies. Just as Y/N pulled Jensen’s shirt off, they heard the cries.

    “I’ll go.” she kissed him and realized that the interruption was necessary. She and Jensen weren’t ready. She picked Arrow up and then reached for Zep. Jensen grabbed his daughter. “I can help.”

    She looked at him and smiled softly. “Never said otherwise, Babe.”

    They rocked the babies back to sleep while Jensen sang. He saw Y/N’s smile, her eyes watery, and he kept singing long after the twins were asleep again.

    He took a deep breath. “I made a decision about Vancouver. I think visiting is good, but no more than a few days. Maybe over a weekend or something.”

    “Okay.”

    “I just think things need to stay normal for them for awhile. Moving back and forth isn’t normal.”

    “I get it, Jensen. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” She reached for his hand. “We probably ought to figure out a few things before we leave. We have to take the paperwork to the school, gym, doctor’s office…”

    “We’ll do that before I leave.” Jensen yawned. “Let’s try and get some sleep.”

    “Probably a good idea.”

    “Do you think…” he stopped.

    “What is it?”

    “I don’t want to add pressure, Y/N. I just don’t want to be alone.”

    “I don’t either.” She admitted. “Friends sleep side by side.”

    He smiled. “Okay.”

    Side by side turned into Jensen holding her as he cried. He let everything out as she held it in. Y/N ran her hand through his hair, stroked his back, and then held him through the night when he finally fell asleep.

    Jensen opened his eyes the next morning and she was gone. He jumped up and saw the cribs were empty. In the kitchen, he saw her feeding the twins as she worked on breakfast.

    “Your parents are bringing JJ back soon. I told them I’d cook.”

    “I’ll help.” Jensen touched her shoulders. “Thank you for last night.”

    “That’s why I’m here.”

    He looked into her eyes. “You know I’m here for you, Y/N. You’ve been holding it in…”

    “I’m fine, Jensen.” She smiled at him as his parents and JJ arrived.

    “Y/N.”

    “Hey,” she smiled at him. “It’s going to work out. We’re going to make all of this work.”


	17. Chapter 17

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Seventeen**

    Y/N smiled at the guests. She thanked them, played with the babies, made sure everyone was having a good time, but she wasn’t.

    Danneel should have been there.

    Her babies were a year old.

    Donna stopped her in the kitchen and smiled at her. “You look exhausted, Sweetheart.”

    “I am.” Y/N was honest. “It’s okay though. The party has been a huge success. The kids are having a great time.”

    “You know, you’re allowed to relax a little bit.” Donna told her.

    Deborah entered them. “Donna, Alan was looking for you.”

    Donna looked at Y/N and gave her a small wink. “I’ll be back in a second.”

    “Is there something you need, Deborah?”

    “I need you to show a little bit of respect.” Deborah said. “My daughter hasn’t been dead a year and you’ve just moved on in and taken control, haven’t you?”

    “I….it’s not….”

    “Why are you still here? I know Donna and Alan would help Jensen with the kids. I’ve offered to come and stay with them while he works…”

    “We thought it would be better not to disrupt things too much. They were already used to me and I’m already here.”

    “Why are you still here? I don’t understand any of this! Danneel told me about your little arrangement. You’ve been sleeping with her husband for years and apparently she didn’t care.”

    “It wasn’t like that.” Y/N was fighting tears. “There’s a lot you may not know…”

    “I know you’re a whore and my daughter still loved you for some reason.”

    “That’s enough!” Jensen’s voice cut through the air.

    “Don’t defend her!” Deborah looked at him. “Danneel loved you.”

    “She loved Y/N too.” Jensen said. “We loved each other. The three of us had something we’ll never have again.” He’d lowered his voice. “Y/N is here because I need her. I need her help, her support, and I need my children to have someone familiar with them when I’m working.”

    “They have grandparents. They have family.”

    “Y/N is their family!” Jensen took a deep breath. “Y/N adopted them. Danneel left instructions. She told everyone except for Y/N and me. We had no idea until the attorney showed up with the papers.”

    “Wh…what?” Deborah stared at Y/N. “You adopted my grandchildren?”

    “Danneel wrote me a letter and explained why she wanted me to adopt the kids. I almost didn’t go through with it because I was worried about how angry you would be. I know you hate me and I’m sorry but I’m not going anywhere.”

    “Even if she hadn’t adopted the kids, she’s still always been our best friend.”

    “You two have moved on together?”

    Y/N looked at Jensen and shook her head. “We decided to stay friends. That part of our relationship is over.”

    Deborah studied their faces. “You both really don’t believe that, do you?”

    Jensen took a deep breath. “We’re not discussing that with you. Y/N has been amazing with the kids. She’s here and she’s not going anywhere.”

    “I don’t want there to be tension, Deborah. I’ve always liked and respected you. I would really like to put all of this behind us and move on.”

    Jensen looked at his mother in law. “Please. For the sake of your grandchildren. It would make things easier for all of us.”

    Deborah looked back and forth between them. A picture on the wall caught her attention. It was a picture of Y/N, Jensen, and Danneel from a weekend trip to San Francisco when they still lived in California. Deborah saw it then. She realized that her daughter had something she may never understand, but she was happy.

    “I think we should try and move on.” Deborah said. “I’m very sorry for upsetting you today.”

    “I’m sorry too.” Y/N forced a smile. “Why don’t you go check on the twins. I’ll get their cakes ready.”

    Once alone, Jensen stepped to her side. “You’re shaking.”

    “Yeah,” she nodded.

    “Y/N/N.” Jensen looked into her eyes. “Talk to me.”

    “I just…I…”

    “I think it’s time we move on from some things.” Jensen’s words cut her.

    They’d just stopped trying a few months back. Jensen had made no attempts and the few times she’d said something, he’d ignored her. Y/N bit her lip and nodded. “I kind of thought that’s what we were doing, Jensen. Moving on.”

    “I don’t mean…I want us to have a fresh start. New house.”

    “What?” Y/N almost looked panicked. “You want to leave the house?”

    “I think it might be a good idea.” Jensen looked around. “She’s everywhere here, Y/N. I can’t walk into a room without seeing her. I haven’t slept in my bedroom since that night. I haven’t gone in there in months.”

    “I know.” Y/N sighed. “I actually boxed her things up. I didn’t want to give anything away. It’s boxed up for you and the kids.”

    “Thank you.” He kissed the top of her head. It was the first intimate contact they’d made in months. “I barely sleep when I’m in this house.”

    “I know that feeling.” Y/N said, getting the two small cakes out out. “Everyone’s going to be wanting cake, Jensen. We need to keep the show rolling.”

    “Yeah,” he took a deep breath. “Good thing we opened presents already.”

    “Probably. We’ll let them have some cake and then hose them off before they take a short nap.” Y/N smiled. “Go get them in their high chairs, please.”

    “Yeah,” He touched her cheek. “Will you let me hold you later? Please.”

    “Jensen…”

    “For me?” He asked. “Please.”

    “Yes.” She bit her lip until he was gone and turned back to the small cakes. She remembered the ice cream and opened the freezer.

    “Y/N? Are you okay?” Gen and Jared were suddenly in the kitchen with their baby girl.

    “I’m fine. I’m always fine.”

    “No, you’re not.” Jared looked at her. “Let’s talk later, okay?”

    “Jared, I'm….”

    “Please, Y/N.” Gen smiled at her. “Maybe we need to talk to you.”

    Y/N nodded. “Yeah, we can do that.”

    Cake and ice cream were a blur. Y/N was glad that Jared was filming everything on his phone. While everyone ate, she cleaned up as much as she could without appearing rude. Donna and Deborah took over twin duty and got them washed up and dressed for a nap. Only a few people came for the party and most left soon after the cake. Gen and Jared decided to make lunch plans with Y/N for the next day.

    “I’m calling in the morning. No getting out of this!” Gen hugged her.

    “Maybe I’ll call you first.” Y/N hugged them.

    The grandparents left soon after, JJ going with Danneel’s parents for the night. Once alone, Jensen reached his hand out.

    “I’ve got the monitor. Let’s go sit outside.”

    She nodded and took his hand. He led her to a chair big enough for both of them and pulled her into his arms.

    “I miss her, Y/N. Everyday. I miss you too though.” Jensen told her. “You’re here but we’ve drifted apart.”

    “She was the glue, Jen. Danneel knew how to keep things together.”

    Jensen kissed the top of her head. “I want us to move into a new house. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I think there’s too many memories here.”

    “It feels strange though. Thinking about leaving this place.” She was fighting tears again. “I…”

    “Hey,” he looked into her eyes. “I’m here, Darlin’. I’m here.”

    “But I…”

    “Y/N.” He touched her cheek. “You’ve held it in for too long. It’s okay. I’m here.”

    “I can’t do this to you.” She turned away as a tear slipped out. “I just can’t!”

    “Why not? Haven’t I done it to you?”

    “I’m suppose to keep it together for you and the kids!”

    Jensen shook his head. “You can’t keep this inside, Baby. It’s eating you alive.”

    “But I…” Y/N looked into his eyes. “Jensen, I’m scared.”

    “Of what?” he kissed her forehead. “I’m here for you.”

    “If I start crying,” her voice was low, barely a whisper. “I don’t know if I can stop.”

    Jensen’s forehead touched hers. “Then don’t.”

    Y/N opened her mouth, but tears came instead. Not fast and furious, but steady. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his chest. Jensen held her close, his own tears falling silently. Y/N looked up eventually and apologized.

    “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

    “Why?”

    Y/N tried to move away from him, but he wouldn’t let her. “I should have….”

    “Y/N, you’ve been holding it in for so long. I’ve been worried but I didn’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help you.”

    “You just did.”

    Jensen kissed her lips. “I hear the babies waking up. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re hungry.”

    “I can get us all some food.” She smiled. “They liked the big kid stuff.”

    “Yeah,” He smiled. “They did, didn’t they.” He pulled her into his arms. “I want to talk tonight, Y/N. I want us to figure some things out.”

    “I think we should.” She smiled at him. “For both our sakes.”

~*~

    Over the next week, they looked at several lake houses, including one much closer to Gen and Jared. Jensen loved it on sight. Y/N loved it as soon as they walked through it.

    JJ said she thought it was perfect.

    The realtor looked at Jensen and told him there were three other houses. He knew that. He knew they were much larger than what they needed though. This was a six bedroom home and he knew they’d waste some of the space.

    “I think it feels right,” Y/N smiled at him.

    “So do I.” Jensen looked at the realtor. “This is it.”

    “Are you sure, Mr. Ackles?”

    “Absolutely.” He told her.

    The realtor realized that she wasn’t going to make as huge a sale as she hoped. “Well, if things go as planned, I think we could have you moved in very soon.”

    Jensen nodded. “Sounds great to me.”

    “Before Christmas?” JJ asked, concerned.

    “Not that soon!” The realtor smiled at her.

    “We won’t be in Texas for Christmas anyway.” Jensen reminded her. “We’re going on a vacation, remember?”

    Y/N looked around again and saw the master bedroom. She knew she’d never go in there, other than to put Jensen’s things away. She could already picture how it was going to look once he moved his new bedroom set in.

    “Hey?” Jensen found her. “This is a really nice room, isn’t it?”

    “Yeah,” She smiled at him. “I think you’re going to have enough room in there for anything you’d want.”

    “Y/N, I want to share it with you eventually.” Jensen looked at her, holding a sleeping Arrow in her arms.

    “We still have a lot to work through, Jensen.” Y/N smiled at him. “We’ll see what happens though.”

    “That’s all I ask.”


	18. Chapter 18

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Eighteen**

    They were moved in by February first. The other house went on the market and sold quickly, to their surprise. Leaving was as hard as they thought it would be, but after a week they settled into a new normal. A new routine they all seemed to enjoy.

    Y/N loved that Gen was so close. They rode into the store together and were excited about their latest project. It was an entire jewelry line dedicated to Danneel. It took them months to put it together, but they were proud of it and knew that Danneel would love it. Every piece they included was something they knew she would have loved.

    While they had lunch in their office and let the babies nap, Gen dared to ask Y/N about Jensen. Y/N shrugged and told her things were a little better.

    “You’re working things out?” Gen asked with a smile.

    Y/N shrugged. “We’re talking more. That’s a start, I guess.”

    Gen sighed. “He told Jared he misses you..”

    “I miss him too. I’m hoping in time we can get back to something comfortable. I miss everything about him, Gen, but I need his friendship right now and we’re getting there. Slowly.”

    “It’s a start.” Gen smiled.

    Y/N’s phone rang. “It’s Jensen.” Her smile gave her away. “Hello?”

    “Hey. I just landed.”

    “You did?”

    “Jared’s flying in tonight.” Jensen told her. “Think you can bring the babies home? I’ll go get JJ from school…”

    “I can do that. What’s going on?”

    “I want to spend some time together. I had an idea.”

    “Okay. We’ll meet you at the house.”

    Jensen asked her to pick lunch up. She smiled as she hung up and looked for a menu. “Jensen’s home early.”

    “Is he?”

    “He said he’s got an idea.” Y/N found the menu for one of their favorite places and called the order in. When she heard the wait time, she changed the order to delivery. “I have an hour to get home.”

    “I’ll help you get them loaded up.” Gen opened the door and asked their secretary to listen for her baby. Less than ten minutes later, Y/N was driving home, wondering what Jensen was planning.

    The food arrived just as Jensen and JJ pulled up. He smiled when he saw the bags of food and kissed her cheek. “That was a great idea.”

    “I thought you would like it.” She winked.

    Once inside, Y/N got the kids to the table and Jensen took his bag upstairs. He noticed a closet in the hallway opened and peaked. He realized right away that Y/N had put all of Danneel’s things together. He saw four boxes labeled with his name, and the children’s. He smiled softly and stepped back.

    Returning downstairs, he kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

    “What?”

    “I saw the closet. Thank you.”

    She smiled. “I have some things for the girls. Things Danneel gave me over the years. I’ll show you later on.”

~*~

    When she pulled the two boxes from her closet, Jensen’s eyes immediately watered. “Those are beautiful.”

    “Danneel and I picked two each. She got the ones I picked, I got the ones she picked. I took those and started putting pieces of jewelry that Danneel gave me into them. As they get older, I’ll have a better idea of which pieces fit which of the girls better, but there’s several things I know JJ will get, several things I know Arrow will get.” She opened a drawer and took out a scrapbook. “Dee and I bought postcards everywhere. We knew it was cheesy but we did it anyway.”

    “It drove me crazy!” Jensen laughed. “I remember wanting to buy the two of you rings in Arizona and you just wanted postcards.”

    “I’m working on this for Zep. I have a couple of things I think I’ll give him. I have a pocket watch Danneel gave me that belonged to her grandfather. I was going to give it back to Deborah but I talked to her and we agreed that Zep should have it.”

    “Thank you.” Jensen smiled at her. “I really appreciate you doing this for the kids.”

    “You and I have memories, I kept plenty of things to remind me of Danneel. I have her children though.” She smiled. “Every time I look at them, I am reminded of how much she loved you and them.”

    Jensen looked through the postcards and smiled, remembering several of the trips. “The kids are asleep.”

    “Yeah. I’m sorry. I know you had an idea…”

    “They apparently had other plans.” Jensen smiled. “I have a new idea.”

    “Oh?”

    He stood up and reached for her hand. She looked into his eyes and he smiled. “Jen?”

    “Come with me, Y/N.”

    She took his hand and let him lead her down the hall to his bedroom. They paused in the door and he touched her face. “Y/N, I miss you as much as I miss her. You’re here though. You’re here and we have a chance to have something special.”

    “I want that.” She smiled. “I’ve missed you so much.”

    Their lips met and he gently pulled her into the room and closed the door. He thought to lock it just in case. He felt her shaking and took control. It had been too long for either of them. “Y/N, I need you.”

    “I need you, Jensen.” She was crying softly.

    He kissed her tears and began unzipping her dress. Just as she slipped it off and Jensen saw more of her than he had in a year, his phone rang.

    “Damn it!”

    “Answer it.” She recognized the ringer. “I’ll still be here.”

    Jensen kissed her before grabbing the phone. “Yeah?….What?….No. Come on!”

    She knew before he ended his call. Jensen had to go back to work.

    “Yeah, make it as late as possible so I can take my daughter to school.” He shook his head. “Fuck!”

    Y/N moved to his lap. “Hey, it sucks but we have tonight. We’ll have breakfast together with the kids and after you take JJ, the twins and I will take you the airport.”

    “It just…I had a lot I wanted to do this weekend.” Jensen shook his head. “I just…”

    “We’ll do all of those things when you come home.” She promised him. “Tell me what you want and I’ll take care of any arrangements.”

    Jensen smiled at her. “It still sucks.”

    “I know,” She kissed him. “Doesn’t mean we have to let it ruin the rest of tonight.”

    Jensen’s hands ran up her back to her bra. “I love the way you think, Y/N.” He threw her bra aside and looked at her. “You’re still as beautiful as the night I met you.”

    “You have gotten even better with age, Love.” She stared into his eyes. “It’s been so long, Jensen.”

    “I know.” He felt himself shaking now. He moved so she was on the bed under him. Their hands explored each other, their mouths desperate for every kiss they hadn’t had…

    The crying interrupted and Y/N jumped up immediately. “Zep hasn’t woken up after bedtime in three months.” She sounded worried.

    She grabbed his tee shirt without thinking and rushed to the little boy’s room. She scooped him up and kissed his forehead. Jensen watched from the hall as she walked into the bathroom and grabbed the thermometer and checked for a fever.

    “Oh, Mr. Man, it’s not too bad. Just a little fever.” Y/N kissed his tiny cheek. “Aunt Y/N has some medicine.” She turned to Jensen. “Take him to our..” She stopped. “I meant your room. I…” She grabbed the medicine. “We need to keep an eye on him for a little while and make sure this kicks in.”

    “Hey,” Jensen touched her arm. “After tonight, I want it to be our room.”

    “I want that,” Y/N smiled at him. “We just have work to do. Still.”

    “I feel like that’s our motto now.” Jensen watched her give the baby the medicine. “Y/N, I still love you.”

    “I know, Jensen. I still love you.” Y/N smiled at him. “I’m going to grab him some water. I’ll be right back. We’ll check his temperature in a little while and see if it’s gone down at all.”

    An hour later, he insisted she lay down in his bed. She didn’t hesitate. Y/N was tired and she wanted Jensen to hold her. He pulled her to him, his desire for her growing once again. “Y/N?”

    “I want you, Jensen.” she touched his face. “I think that maybe this is the start we were looking for.”

    “I think you’re right.” He smiled at her. “Tonight is the start of something new with us.” He leaned over to kiss her, but JJ’s voice interrupted.

    “Daddy? Is Aunt Y/N sick too?”

    “Baby Girl?” She forgot about wearing Jensen’s tee shirt. “What’s wrong?”

    “My throat hurts and my head hurts.” JJ walked over.

    “Fever, I think.” Y/N said. Arrow’s cries came over the monitor.

    “I’ll grab her.” Jensen winked at her. He knew this was what parenting was. He knew that Y/N and Danneel had had nights with JJ like this. “JJ, want to watch a movie with us?”

    “I think that’s a good idea.” Y/N said. “Daddy and I were going to just watch a movie and talk.”

    “A slumber party like we had with Mommy!” JJ smiled. “I miss that.”

    “I know, Baby.” She checked her temperature. It was slightly higher than her brother’s. Arrow’s was in between the two. “Send Jared a text and tell them to keep an eye on their babies.”

    Jensen watched her give the girls their medicine as he sent the text. Y/N was cuddling Arrow and JJ was curled up by her side. Jensen got into the bed and reached for the baby. Y/N took JJ in her arms.

    “Can we watch Beauty and the Beast?” JJ asked.

    “It is Y/N’s favorite, isn’t it?” Jensen winked at her.

    Soon the girls were asleep. Jensen put the baby back in her room but when he came back to get JJ, he saw that Y/N was asleep with the little girl next to her. He got into bed and pulled them close to him. He kissed the top of their heads and smiled. It was not the night he’d hoped for, but he knew it was the new beginning they were looking for.


	19. Chapter 19

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Nineteen**

    Things were not what Jensen or Y/N expected or hoped for three months later at JJ’s birthday party. Y/N was more noticeably tense than anyone had ever seen her before. Jared and Gen tried to talk to her, but she was too busy to say much of anything except ‘Hi.’ Deborah and Donna were thankfully keeping the twins occupied while the older children played.

    “Y/N, sit for a minute.” Gen encouraged her.

    “I can’t. There’s too much to do still.” Y/N smiled at her. “It’s okay. I’ll sleep tonight.”

    “Is this about Jensen?” Gen asked her.

    Y/N shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. I am just here doing what I promised to do. I’m taking care of the children and I’m keeping his household running.”

    “Y/N, you need to talk to him. I know things were looking good and then…”

    Jensen walked in at that moment. He wasn’t alone.

    “Hello, Crystal,” Y/N said. “Thanks for coming.”

    “Sure.” Crystal looked at Jensen. “How long do you have to stay?”

    “The whole party.” Gen answered for him. “It’s his daughter’s birthday after all.”

    Crystal rolled her eyes. “Isn’t Y/N the nanny or something? Can’t she handle it?”

    Jensen looked at Y/N. “Can’t you handle it?”

    “I’m not the nanny.” Y/N said. “Jensen didn’t tell you who I am? Wow, I’m going to assume there’s a reason for that.” She left the kitchen with a tray of sandwiches.

    “She’s such a bitch, Jensen! Why do you let her around your kids?!” Crystal whined.

    Gen stood up. “Y/N is actually legally their mother. They call her Aunt Y/N because she loved and respected Danneel too much to try and replace her in that way. She has though. She’s stepped up to be their mother for her best friends…”

    “I thought your wife was their mom.”

    “Y/N adopted the kids.”

    Crystal stared at him. “Why?”

    “Why what?”

    “Why did she adopt them?”

    “Look, we don’t discuss this, okay.” Jensen shot Gen a look. “I need to get back out there with my kids.”

    “I don’t really like kids much.”

    Jensen shrugged. He didn’t really like Crystal much, but he wanted a distraction. He needed one. “You knew I had three when I asked you out the first time.”

    Thirty minutes later, Y/N was refilling chip bowls and bringing out more vegetable trays. JJ walks over to her and tugs at her dress. “Aunt Y/N, can you make her leave?”

    “Who? Is someone doing something?”

    “That lady in the pink dress trying to sit in Daddy’s lap. I don’t want her here. She’s really stupid.”

    “JJ, that’s not nice.” Y/N pulled her aside and kneeled down. “Baby Girl, your Daddy obviously thought she was special enough to bring home to meet all of us.”

    “You like her?”

    “I don’t know her, Sweetie. She may be a very nice person.” Y/N noticed Jensen wasn’t sitting next to Crystal anymore. “Crystal may also be really nervous. There’s a lot of people here who are all friends. She only knows your daddy.”

    “Make her leave.” JJ begged. “She’s ruining my birthday party!”

    “Justice Jay.” Y/N looked into her eyes. “Crystal’s a guest. We don’t know her. It’s not fair to say she’s ruining anything.”

    “But…”

    “Your Daddy deserves to be happy.” Y/N said. “Let your Daddy make his mind up about Crystal, okay? You never know what might happen.”

    JJ agreed and slowly approached Crystal. Crystal looked surprised, almost scared. JJ was talking, Crystal looked as if she had no idea how to respond.

    “Thank you.” Jensen’s voice was in her ear.

    “Yep.” She turned to leave, but he pulled her out of sight.

    “I’m sorry.”

    “For what?”

    “Crystal.”

    Y/N swallowed. “Then why is she here?”

    “You don’t want me anymore.” Jensen let her go and walked away. Y/N watched him, her heartbreaking a little with each step he took away from her.

    She stayed away from the crowd for the rest of the party, except for when it was time to cut the cake. The kitchen was mostly clean so there was not much for everyone to help with later.

    “Are you alright?” Gen asked.

    “I’m fine.” Y/N said.

    Donna looked at her. “The bimbo bother you at all?”

    “Donna!” Deborah laughed. She looked at Y/N. “Did she?”

    “She annoyed me, but she kept her distance.” Y/N kept her eyes down. “I’m glad he’s moving on.”

    “No, you’re not.” Deborah called her out. “It’s pretty obvious you’re miserable.”

    Y/N shrugged. “There’s not much I can do about it though. Jensen and I tried. We kept trying. Things just wouldn’t let it happen. He’s moved on.” She took a deep breath. “I just wish he’d told me that he was seeing someone because I would have been prepared for today.”

    “Well get ready for tomorrow night. We’re going to dinner.”

    Jared and Jensen walked in at that moment. Y/N shook her head, but Donna and Deborah jumped in.

    “When is the last time you went anywhere without children?” Donna asked.

    Deborah agreed. “Danneel took breaks, Y/N. You know that.”

    “Jensen, I guess I’m going to dinner tomorrow night with Gen.” She smiled to try and ease some of the tension.

    “I have plans.” Jensen said automatically.

    Donna nodded. “Yes, son, you do. You’re watching your children so that Y/N can go to dinner with a friend.”

    Y/N suddenly felt awful. Jensen did spend time with the kids. He took JJ places often, he took turns doing things with the twins. Jensen was a great father and she hated the implication she felt from the mothers that he wasn’t around enough. “Jensen took JJ to the rodeo last night…”

    “I know.” Donna smiled. “Jensen spends a good bit of time with the kids, Y/N. You deserve a break though.”

    Jensen shrugged. “Yeah, you do. I’ll reschedule.”

    “Thank you.” Y/N turned away from everyone. She was tired of the tension between them. Y/N knew when Danneel died things would change. She had no idea that she and Jensen would become total strangers.

~*~

    Hours later she had the children asleep and decided to try and talk to Jensen. There were things they needed to talk about, concerning the children, but they needed to talk about their relationship. Whatever the hell it was at that point.

    She walked downstairs and saw his office door cracked. He was probably looking over the script for the season fourteen premiere. He was going to direct for the first time in a few years and wanted to be prepared.

    When she opened the door, she was not prepared for what she saw. Crystal was bent over his desk, Jensen’s hands over her eyes. He was pounding into her furiously, roughly. He looked up and saw her watching.

    A smile played at his lips. He mouthed, “Join us, Y/N.” and winked.

    She moved out of the office, quietly closing the door behind her. She went to her room and locked the door. Jensen would come to her. He’d want to talk or fight, or maybe….Y/N sat on her bed and saw the last picture taken with Danneel. Y/N picked it up as tears fell from her eyes.

    “I don’t know what you were thinking when you wrote that letter, Danneel, but you were wrong.” She whispered in the dark. “Dee, you were so wrong.”

    She slept very little. Y/N wasn’t leaving the kids. She made a promise to Danneel and to them the day she signed the papers. She knew that she and Jensen might have a friendship left, but that was it. They needed to learn to work together for the kids. He’d moved on. Jensen’s feelings for her had changed. Y/N knew that she needed to do the same. The thought terrified and saddened her.

    Y/N decided to stop pacing her bedroom floor around three in the morning and went down to the kitchen. She had planned on spending the day preparing meals for the next week while Jensen and the children spent the day with Jared and his kids. As she was cutting chicken, Jensen walked into the kitchen, shirtless. She saw the scratch marks and turned away.

    “I’m sorry.” He said. “That was a real dick move on my part.”

    “You’re a grown man, Jen. You can do whatever you want.” Y/N couldn’t look at him. She knew that one look in his beautiful green eyes and she’d be gone. Again.

    “Y/N, I am sorry.” Jensen said. “I met her and I don’t know what the hell happened, honestly. She’s a distraction but she’s not you.”

    “I don’t understand.”

    “You’re so busy with everything, Y/N. I feel like you’re always doing something for the kids, for work, the house. I feel like I’m a burden to you. I feel like asking you for time is….”

    “Jensen, I made time for you!” Y/N argued. “When you came back after the night we slept in your bed with JJ, I made us a special dinner. You went out with Jared. I tried that entire week to do things for you, do things with you, and you made up excuses. Gen offered to watch all of the kids so we could have an evening just the two of us. You decided you wanted to go to San Jac.”

    Jensen leaned against the counter. “I never meant for things to get this bad between us.”

    “You’re still my best friend. That doesn’t change. We need to focus on the friendship and the children.”

    He stood and moved in front of her. “I still love you.” He touched her cheek. “I never stopped. I don’t know if I ever will.”

    “I know that I will always love you, Jensen. Our friendship and the love we have for each other aren’t going away after this long. We just need to focus on getting the friendship back to what it was. We need to start working together for the kids. I need your input on things, Jensen. I feel like I’m going to make a decision and you’ll be angry with me.”

    “We’ll talk about that.” He promised her. “I need to get a few hours of sleep before the kids wake up. Maybe after you get back from dinner, we can start talking about some things.”

    “I think that’s a great idea.” She touched his face. “Get some rest, Jensen.”

    He watched her for a few minutes before turning around and walking upstairs. He had not slept with Crystal before that night and he had no intention of doing it again. He’d been upset, angry, and he was lonely. He missed Danneel, he missed Y/N. He hated himself for his role in the deterioration of their relationship. She wanted to focus on their friendship, but Jensen wanted to focus on redeeming himself.


	20. Chapter 20

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Twenty**

    Y/N refused to talk about work, kids, or Jensen at dinner. She told Gen that everyone was right. She needed a night off.

    They talked places they wanted to vacation, music, movies, books, anything except the forbidden topics. As they finished their meal, a waiter appeared with a drink for Y/N.

    “The gentleman at the bar ordered it for you.”

    Y/N looked at the drink. She recognized it right away. “Someone had them make me a flirtini?”

    Gen’s mouth dropped. “He wouldn’t have called a sitter, would he?”

    “This isn’t from Jensen.” Y/N knew that. The waiter pointed a man sitting at the counter. He nodded with a smile. Y/N put the drink back on the tray. “Please tell the gentleman thank you but I don’t accept drinks from men I don’t know.”

    “Y/N!” Gen looked at her. “What are you doing?”

    “I don’t know the rules about men buying me drinks. I didn’t come out to meet…”

    “Excuse me.” She turned to see her admirer standing with the drink. “I don’t understand. I just bought you a drink.”

    “And I don’t accept drinks from people I don’t know.”

    He nodded and set the cocktail down. “I’m Sean. I’m thirty nine years old. I just moved here from San Diego and you are the most attractive woman I’ve seen since I got here.” He smiled. “Now you know me.”

    Y/N looked at Gen, hoping for help. Gen smiled and looked at Sean. “Sit with us.”

    “Gen!”

    “Y/N!”

    “You do have a name. A beautiful name.” Sean smiled at her. “No wedding ring…” He sits down. “I noticed that first. I would have never bought a drink for a married woman.”

    Y/N sat back, uncomfortable. She listened to the conversation he was having with Gen. He was attractive, smart, and funny.

    He wasn’t Jensen Ackles though.

    She knew then moving on was going to be harder than she first thought.

    “Gen, we need to get home. Kids.”

    “You have children?” He asked, surprised.

    “I do. Adopted. Long story.”

    “Maybe you could tell me over dinner?”

    Gen kicked her under the table. Y/N smiled at him. She wondered if maybe one date….

    “Thank you, but I don’t think so. I’m coming out of a very emotional period in my life. I’m just not ready for that.”

    “Not ready for a new friend?”

    “I really…I’m sorry. I have too many commitments right now. Thank you though.”

    Gen paid their bill and stood up. “It was nice to meet you Sean.”

    “I’ll have to check out your husband’s place sometime. Thanks for telling me about it. Thank you for inviting me to sit.” he looked at Y/N. “Here’s my card in case you change your mind.”

    “Thank you.” The women left after that. Sean’s eyes followed them and then he noticed the cocktail he’d ordered specifically for Y/N.

    She hadn’t touched it.

~*~

    A few weeks later, Jensen’s sister came to town and insisted on watching the kids for the night. Y/N decided to go see a band at San Jac Gen was raving about. Jensen was still there when she left and she wondered if he was staying in to spend time with his sister.

    The bar was not too crowded when she arrived. She made her way to Gen and Jared. Billy, the bartender, asked her what she wanted.

    “Water tonight.” She smiled.

    Gen rolled her eyes. “You’re such a mom!”

    “I don’t feel like drinking tonight.” Y/N looked around. “Anyone here we know?”

    “Not yet.” Jared looked at her. “You’ll probably leave before they get here.”

    Y/N rolled her eyes. “Sorry, I’m so boring!”

    “Boring? You!”

    She turned. “Uh…Shane?”

    “Sean.” He looked upset but smiled anyway. “I was beginning to think you’d been a figment of my imagination.”

    “Maybe I am.” She looked back at Gen and Jared, annoyed. “I’m going to meet Kathy.”

    “What?” Gen made a face. “Kathy’s out of town.”

    “She came back.” Y/N saw Jared understanding her hidden message.

    “Oh my God, Gen!” Crystal’s annoying voice was the last thing that Y/N wanted to hear.

    Y/N looked behind her and saw him. Jensen stopped and their eyes met. She looked back at Gen. “I have to go.”

    “Why?” Crystal asked.

    “I was just stopping to say hi.” Y/N said. “That’s all. Have fun!”

    Crystal rolled her eyes. “You really can’t stand to see Jay happy can you?”

    Y/N turned around. “Excuse me?”

    Jared looked to Jensen. “Dude, do something.”

    Crystal spoke before Jensen could stop her. “It’s so obvious that you want Jensen. He doesn’t see you that way. You’re just there to take care of his kids. You can’t stand to see him moving on with me…”

    “Little girl, he isn’t moving on with you. You’re just a stop on the way.” Y/N looked at Jensen. She was tempted to say more, but Crystal’s words had drawn too much attention already. “Good night.”

    Sean followed her. “Wait! Come on!”

    “Look, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not interested. I have too many responsibilities and I’m just not looking for anything else right now.”

    “I get it but having friends isn't….”

    “I don’t think there’s room for that right now.”

    Sean shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get.”

    “I’m sorry. I’m not interested.” Y/N rushed away. She drove in the opposite direction of the house, wondering what would happen if she kept driving. Would Jensen be able to handle the entire summer without her there? Would she be welcomed back?

    Y/N turned around and drove home. She saw Jensen’s car and wondered if Crystal drove. Instead, she overheard him talking to his sister.

    “And this guy! He kept asking questions about Y/N. I wanted to punch him. He’s sleazy. Something about him doesn’t seem right.”

    “You’re jealous!” Mackenzie laughed. “You are still in love with her, Jensen! Dump the idiot and tell Y/N!”

    “We tried. A few times.” He sighed.

    “Try harder!”

    Y/N walked out back and sat on the swing. She stared at the lake for a long time before she saw Jensen watching her.

    “Hey,” He smiled a little.

    “Hi.”

    “I thought I heard you earlier.”

    “I heard enough that I knew I probably shouldn’t be in there.” Y/N pushed hair from her face. “I don’t know Sean. He tried to buy me a drink a few weeks ago when I went to dinner with Gen and I guess he’s been hanging out at San Jac. I’ve told him both times I’ve seen him that I’m not interested.”

    Jensen sat next to her. He surprised her by putting an arm around her. “Can we spend tomorrow together, with the kids?”

    She looked at him. “Are you sure?”

    “You did the grocery shopping today, didn’t you? You said you picked up steaks. I’ll grill and you and JJ can make a few other things. We can swim and just spend the day together. We haven’t done that in a really long time.”

    “Too long.” Y/N smiled at him. She let him pull her closer and closed her eyes. “Jen, I’m sorry I snapped at Crystal earlier.”

    “I get it. I did talk to her. She’s jealous. She doesn’t realize she has a reason to be jealous.”

    Y/N shook her head. “Don’t start that, Jensen.”

    “Okay,” He kissed the side of her head. “I want to ask you about something else.”

    “What’s that?”

    “I was thinking about the two of us going away for a weekend. Just to talk. Just to try and get us back to a place where we aren’t tense and walking on eggshells around each other. I miss you, Darlin. I tell you that all the time, but it’s true. My parents said they’d stay with the kids for us.”

    Y/N swallowed. “I think that could be a really good thing. A weekend to talk, to get things out there, and then move forward. What does Crystal think about that?”

    “Who cares?”

    “She’s still around, Jensen. I have a feeling she wouldn’t be too happy about that.”

    “Don’t worry about her.” Jensen said. “She’s not important.”

    Y/N wanted to believe that, but she knew better. Crystal wasn’t important, but she was around. She was not going to let Jensen have a weekend with just Y/N.

~*~

    The next day was exactly what they all needed. Jensen made a huge breakfast for everyone and then surprised them with a boat ride. When they got back, they swam for an hour before Y/N made a small lunch and put the kids down for a nap. Jensen turned some music on while Y/N worked on a few things for dinner. Suddenly, Jensen pulled her into his arms to dance.

    He sang to her softly, he smiled at her, but he was too scared to kiss her. He put his arms around her and held her in a tight hug for a long time. When she finally pulled away, because the oven timer went off, they both had tears in their eyes. The children woke up a few minutes later and JJ came downstairs to hell Y/N finish cooking.

    “Aunt Y/N, this macaroni and cheese is going to be so good!”

    Y/N smiled. “It’s your Mommy’s recipe. I just hope we do it justice.”

    JJ smiled. “I like that you and Mommy have different recipes. Maybe when I grow up, I’ll use both your recipes for things.”

    “I hope so, Baby Girl.” Y/N said. “Your Mommy had a bunch of recipes that we came up with together.”

    “Really?”

    Y/N laughed. “We weren’t the best cooks when we were younger. Before she met your Daddy.”

    JJ giggled at that. Jensen came in with the steaks and chicken for the younger kids. He kissed JJ and touched Y/N’s hand before reaching in the fridge for a beer. “Do you want a beer or wine?” He asked Y/N.

    “Wine is good. Thanks.”

    Soon, they were sitting at the table, eating, laughing, and enjoying their meal together. JJ jumped up to go and grab more corn on the cob for her father when she froze.

    “What’s she doing here?”

    Crystal looked at JJ with an obvious fake smile. “I came to see your Daddy. He’s been busy today.”

    “I told you I was spending the day at home with my family.” Jensen was annoyed.

    “How did you get in?”

    “Jensen told me where the spare key is.” Crystal smiled.

    Jensen looked at Y/N. “I didn’t realize I’d shared that.”

    “I’ll deal with it in the morning.” Y/N stood up. “There’s plenty of food, Crystal. Help yourself.”

    “No! Aunt Y/N!” JJ looked at her. “What about our special dessert?”

    “It’s here, JJ. Daddy knows…”

    “I can serve the dessert, JJ.” Crystal told her.

    “No, you can’t! It’s Mommy’s special recipe! You’ll mess it up!”

    “Justice Jay, you can’t speak to an adult that way.” Y/N looked at her. “Apologize, please.”

    “No!” JJ shook her head. “You’re stupid and you’re mean! You’re fake! I hate you!”

    “Do not speak to her like that, JJ!” Jensen screamed at the child. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

    Y/N was picking up the babies. They both started crying with JJ’s outburst. JJ looked at her father and then ran out of the kitchen crying.

    “JJ! Wait!” Y/N looked at Jensen and Crystal. “She’s five years old! She’s been through hell the last year and wanted tonight to be about celebrating her mother.” Y/N looked at Jensen. “Everything we cooked was from Danneel’s recipes.”

    “I thought so.”

    “She’s a spoiled brat.” Crystal said. “You need a spank her and teach her respect!”

    Y/N handed the twins to Jensen. “I’m going to talk to JJ. I’ll be back to clean up the kitchen in a little while.”

    “I’m sorry, Y/N.” Jensen looked at her. “I’ll talk to JJ…”

    “Are you seriously apologizing to her?!” Crystal asked as Y/N left the room.

    She found JJ in the closet with Danneel’s things. “Hey Baby Girl.”

    “I don’t like her! Why did Daddy have to like her?”

    Y/N sat down. “I wish I had a good answer for you but JJ,” She looked into the little girl’s eyes. “I have no idea.”

    JJ moved into her lap. “Daddy and Mommy were so happy. You too. We were a really good family, weren’t we?”

    “We still are, Sweetheart. Daddy loved Mommy a lot. When you have the kind of love your parents had, it takes a lot of time to get back to normal. Daddy’s starting to get there. Crystal’s kind of a step forward. We don’t have to like her, but if your Dad is bringing someone home , we need to respect him, and her.”

    “Yes, Ma'am.” JJ sighed. “I kind of thought that maybe you and Daddy would get married.”

    “What?” Y/N asked her.

    “You’re Daddy’s best friend. You were Mommy’s best friend. Mommy wanted you to take care of us. Shep, Tom, and me? We thought we’d have a wedding one day.”

    Y/N smiled. “JJ, I do love your Daddy, but things are kind of complicated.” She amended that. “Things are really complicated. Adult stuff.”

    “Adult stuff sucks.”

    “Watch your mouth.” Y/N looked at her. “You’re right though.”

    The door opened. “Jared and Gen are downstairs. They wanted to run something by us. Crystal left.”

    “I’m sorry, Daddy.” JJ threw her arms around him. “I’m so sorry.”

    “Princess, I’m the one who’s sorry.” Jensen sat on the floor next to Y/N. “I shouldn’t have brought Crystal here. I shouldn’t have become friends with Crystal.” His eyes went to Y/N. “She’s not going to be coming back. I told her I didn’t think we could be friends.”

    “Jen?”

    Jensen kissed the top of JJ’s head and reached for Y/N’s hand. He squeezed it and gave her a little smile. “She’s not right for our family.”


	21. Chapter 21

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Twenty One**

    It was the weekend before the fourth of July and Y/N was preparing for a small barbeque with the Padalecki’s. She and Jensen were doing better. They were nowhere near where they were a year and a half before, but their friendship was slowly getting back to what it was.

    She had Arrow with her as she made her way up and down the aisles in the local grocery store. Just as she was going to turn a corner, Sean was in front of her.

    “Wow! Y/N! It’s been awhile.”

    “Yeah. How are you?” She was uncomfortable. He’d come into the store looking for her a few times. Jared said the bartenders at San Jac had heard him ask people if they’d seen her around. He didn’t have her phone number, and she’d hoped that would deter him, but Sean didn’t seem willing to give up.

    Sean looked at Arrow. “Is this one of your kids?”

    “Yes.” She smiled. “I’m really sorry, but I need to go. We’ve got a really busy day.”

    “How about that dinner sometime?”

    “Sean, nothing has changed. I have a lot going on in my life.” Y/N saw Arrow’s face. The little girl was getting tired. “It’s almost nap time and I still need to grab some things…”

    Sean’s hand covered her wrist. “I don’t remember you being such a bitch.”

    “Excuse me?” She tried to pull away but her grip tightened.

    “I want you to have dinner with me. Once.”

    “No,” She looked around, but no one was there to help her. “Let go of me!”

    Sean let her go and looked at Arrow. The way he was eying the little girl scared Y/N. “You’ll change your mind or you’ll regret it.”

    “You’re threatening me?”

    “Making a promise.”

~*~

    Her wrists were bruised and she knew she wouldn’t be able to hide it from Jensen. She took Arrow inside first and placed her in her bed so she could sleep. Once all of the groceries were in the kitchen, she stood at the counter for a few minutes, trying to calm down.

    “Y/N, I was thinking that maybe we could…” Jensen noticed the bruises. “What the hell happened?”

    “Sean was at the store. He grabbed my wrists.”

    “With Arrow in the cart?” Jensen asked. “That asshole grabbed you, with my daughter right there.”

    She told him everything that happened and Jensen rubbed her arms. “It’s going to be okay, Y/N. I’ll make some calls.” He wondered if Clif and his wife would come down for a week or two to help keep an eye on things.

    “It’s weird.” She said. “I never noticed until today but he looks familiar. I felt like I’d seen him somewhere before.”

    “I’ll make the calls.” He took a deep breath. “I decided not to do the oversea cons. Jared and I decided to take advantage of that time off.”

    Y/N smiled. “I think that’s great, Jensen. You two have earned it.”

    “There’s another reason I did it.” Jensen took a deep breath. “I started looking at houses in Vancouver.”

    “You did?” She was confused. “I’m a little surprised. JJ starts kindergarten next month and she’s already registered….”

    “I’ve been looking into a tutor. Homeschool for a year, maybe two.”

    “Homeschool?” Y/N stopped putting the groceries away and looked at him. “Why didn’t you mention this to me?”

    “I was going to wait until after the holiday.” Jensen took a deep breath. “I was thinking we should talk about a new living arrangement.”

    “A what?”

    “Co-parenting is easier living together, but this is confusing to the kids, and to me.”

    Y/N walked to him. “I thought we were….”

    “What?”

    “We’ve been able to communicate a lot better over the last six weeks or so. I wasn’t holding out hope you’d fall back in love with me, but I guess I didn’t…” She took a deep breath. “I can look for a place if that’s what you really want, but it’s going to be even more confusing to shuffle the kids back and forth…”

    “I’ve been rethinking that too.” Jensen said. “I spoke to Lydia and she said you’d have to agree. I know you might fight me and I can’t really think of a reason you wouldn’t win your argument, but I know you. I know you love the kids more than anything and you’ll do what’s best.”

    “What are you talking about?”

    Jensen turned away from her. He didn’t know if he could get through this conversation after all. “Y/N, I want to reverse the adoption.”

    “You want to what?”

    “We jumped it. We never really had a chance to discuss it. We were emotional and weren’t thinking clearly. I don’t want you to be in our lives forever. It’s time for us to move on. Completely and totally. That means you signing your rights away and the adoption being overturned.”

    “What if I don’t?”

    He still would not look at her, but Jensen smiled. He had expected this. “I know I don’t really have a leg to stand on if you fight this, Y/N. I’m asking you to do this. If you ever loved me, Danneel or the kids….”

    “Why would you want me to do this, Jensen? It’s not perfect but the kids are being taken care of! They are happy and healthy. They’re adjusting. JJ has been doing a lot better lately…”

    “I want you out of my life, Y/N. I want you gone.”


	22. Chapter 22

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Twenty Two**

    She knocked on the door, hoping she didn’t wake anyone up. It started raining on the drive over and she was soaking wet.

    “Y/N?” Gen opened the door. “What’s wrong?”

    “Jensen told me to leave.” She was still in shock. “He said he wanted me out of his life. He’s talked to Lydia. He wants me to sign my rights away. He wants to reverse the adoption.”

    Gen looked at Jared. “Do you…”

    Jared grabbed his keys. “I’ll go find out.”

    “No, it’s okay…”

    “It’s not.” Jared told her. “Jensen has lost his damn mind this time.”

    Jared drove to the Ackles’ house and was not surprised when JJ opened the door and he heard crying.

    “Uncle Jared, I think my Daddy chased Aunt Y/N away. She left with a bag, crying, and said she’d come back. She hugged us like she’s never going to see us again.”

    Jared saw Jensen holding Arrow and Zep walking close to him. “What are you thinking?”

    “Can you help me and we’ll talk?”

    Thirty minutes later, the men sat down at the table with a beer. Jensen took a deep breath.

    “I can’t get past it, Jared. I can’t get past the fact that I lost Danneel. I could lose Y/N too.”

    Jared shakes his head. “So you’re pushing her away, again, to prove she’ll come back?”

    “No, because this way I have control of the situation.” Jensen rubbed his forehead.

    “You are a fucking idiot, Jay.” Jared shook his head. “I hope like hell you are ready to find your balls and go beg her to talk to you. She’s been here, man! Y/N has dealt with everything for years. She loves you, the kids…She deserves better than you acting like a pussy.”

    “Excuse me?”

    “You’re a pussy, Jensen. You are afraid of something that may or may not happen for thirty years! I’m sorry about Danneel. You know that. I would give anything to go back to that day and offer to go and get the kids. None of us would have been on that road and things would be different now.” Jared ran his hand through his hair. “Y/N is here. Bad shit happens and people get hurt. People die. You can’t let that stop you from being happy. Y/N loves you and your children. She could have packed up and left when Danneel died. She was heartbroken and she dealt with it alone for months. She did that because she wanted to stay strong for you and your kids.” Jared revealed something that he knew Y/N never wanted Jensen to know. “She was terrified you’d resent her for adopting the kids. She was scared the kids would hate her later.”

    “I could never hate her.” Jensen took a long sip of his beer. “I just can’t lose her like I lost Danneel!”

    “You don’t know that you will!” Jared said. “Anything can happen!” He took a deep breath. “Go and tell her everything that you’ve said to me since Danneel died. Lay it all out there. Y/N loves you. I’m sure she’s got some of the same concerns and fears you have.”

    “Maybe…”

    “I’m sure of it.” Jared told him. “She’s mentioned some to Gen.”

    Jensen thought about it for a minute. “What if it’s too late?”

    “Don’t accept that.” Jared said. “You fight like hell because you’ve had the two best women in this world for you. One is gone and one is going. Fight for her, Jensen. Not just for you, but for your kids.”

~*~

    “I’m sorry I showed up like I did.” Y/N looked at Gen. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

    “Honey, you know you’re always welcome here.” Gen told her. “I’m sorry he’s doing this.”

    “So am I.” Y/N took a deep breath. “I could rent an apartment to stay at when he’s in town. I could just move back and forth…”

    “That’s not good either though. The kids need you there.” Gen looked at the clock. “It’s later than I thought.”

    “I can run and grab some dinner.” Y/N offered. “Call it in and I’ll go after I wash my face and brush my hair.”

    The food was ready when she arrived which surprised her. Y/N thanked everyone and smiled as she stepped outside. The rain moved out and she felt a chill in the early July air.

    She turned toward her car and saw Sean leaning against it. She told Gen about earlier that day, and how some of her confusion came from Jensen’s concern over the incident.

    “Excuse me,” She said as he moved in front of her.

    “I looked for you for years.” Sean said. “You disappeared. You were willing to let them all die and wanted the world to forget…”

    “What are you talking about?”

    “The Wank Haters!” He said. “Randall worshiped you!”

    Y/N studied him. She knew his face. She knew this man. “Randall pretended to worship me. He was a womanizing, alcoholic, strung out prick. He was abusive and I tried to leave him several times.”

    “You’re a liar!” He screamed. “Randall loved you! He was nothing but good to you! We were friends! Randall and I were friends….”

    “Sean….” She remembered. He’d toured with them twice. He’d always been slightly obsessed with Randall and always seemed to stick close to Y/N. “You and Randall weren’t friends. Not really. He was an awful person. He was hateful and he was terrible.”

    “You’re a liar!” Sean took a few deep breaths. “I was suppose to go to Europe with them! I should have gone!”

    “You were…” Y/N looked around, but just like that morning at the store, no one was around. She was scared to pull her phone out. “Sean, please tell me what you’re talking about?”

    “You went through the list of crew members and I was cut!”

    Y/N shook her head. “No, Sean. Do you remember when Randall hit the kid? After he got out of rehab, I didn’t have anything to do with the band’s business. Ashley took over all of that!”

    “Ashley loved me! She and I were friends!” Sean said. “At least until…”

    Her heart sank. Ashley had been killed several months earlier. “Her death was hard on a lot of people.”

    “You went to her funeral.”

    Y/N nodded. “I happened to be in LA that week. Jensen and the kids were visiting with a friend and I went to the funeral. Ashley was my only friend for a very long time.”

    “She was like you.” Sean’s tone changed. “Two faced sluts who used the band.”

    “No, Ashley and I….” She froze when she saw the gun. “Sean, please put that away.”

    “You and Ashley destroyed everything! I could have been in the band. I was a musician and they wanted me to play with them!”

    She remembered he’d played for them once. He wasn’t bad, but the guys had laughed at him behind his back. “Sean, Ashley and I didn’t have a say in that….”

    “Liar!” He pointed the gun at her. “I’ll make sure that Jensen and the kids know what a lying whore you were.”

    “Stay away from them!” She cried. “Please don’t hurt them!”

    “All you had to do was have dinner with me!” Sean said. “I didn’t want to kill you or Ashley! Y/N, you could have prevented this!”

    “Sean, please. Please put the gun down. I’ll help you. I promise. I’ll help you.”

    “No!” He cocked the gun. “You don’t get a second chance.”


	23. Chapter 23

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Twenty Three  
**

    Jared answered the call from Gen, a little surprised she didn’t text. “Babe?”

    “Did Y/N go back to the house?”

    “No,” Jared told her. “Jensen’s actually been texting her for the last hour but she’s not replying.”

    Gen told him that Y/N had been gone for over two hours. “She went to get dinner.”

    “She’s fine.” Jared said. The last time this happened….

    Jensen looked at him. “What? What is it?

    “Gen said that Y/N left two hours ago to go pick up food.”

    “She left two hours ago…” Jensen’s face paled. “She’s hurt, Jared.”

    “Jensen…”

    “I felt it that day. I felt it with Danneel. Y/N did too. We didn’t realize that’s what it was. I’ve had this feeling all day that something wasn’t right. I thought it was because I was going to tell her to leave, but the feeling….” Jensen stopped. “That Sean guy. He grabbed her this morning and bruised her.”

    “Wait, what?” Jared asked.

    “At the store. She had Arrow.” Jensen started pacing. “Jared, something is wrong. I’m going to look for her. I need to find her…”

    Jensen raced upstairs and Jared spoke to Gen. “You heard that?”

    “I did. I had a weird feeling when Y/N left but it’s a ten minute drive.”

    The doorbell rang. Jared told his wife to hang on. He opened the door to two police officers.

    “Mr. Ackles?”

    “No, I’ll…”

    “Who…” Jensen saw the cops. “No.”

    “Mr. Ackles?” Jensen nodded. “We’re here about Ms. Y/N Longley.”

    “What happened?” He asked.

    The first officer knew Jensen and Jared from the various times they’d helped the department and volunteered for different functions. “She’s been shot. I don’t really have a lot of details but we need you to come with us.”

    “I…” Jensen looked at Jared. “The kids..”

    “I’m here, man. I can handle the kids. I’ll call Gen back. We’ll figure this out.”

    “I…”

    “Let us drive you.” The second officer offered. He could see that Jensen was in no shape to make it to the hospital in one piece.

    Jensen started to protest but Jared looked at him. “Let them drive you. Gen or I will be there soon.”

    “Okay.” Jensen heard the kids. “Don’t tell the kids anything. If there's….I’ll do it.”

    Jared nodded and hugged him. “Just get to her. Once you’re with her, she’ll know.”

    “I hope so.” Jensen looked at the officers. “Let’s go.”

~*~

    Jensen waited impatiently for the doctor to come out. When he saw him, he jumped up. “Where is she?”

    “We have to go in and get the bullet. It wasn’t a straight shot.” The doctor explained that they could get the bullet but it was a complicated surgery. “Mr. Ackles, I can’t offer you any guarantees.”

    “I…”

    “You can have a few minutes before we take her back.”

    Jensen followed a nurse and felt sick when he saw her. “Oh, God, Y/N.” He moved next to her and took her hand. “Darlin’, I’m here.” He kissed her hand. “I’m here.”

    “Mr. Ackles,” One of the nurses had something in her hands. “I really hated to have to….” She handed him a clear plastic baggy. Jensen recognized the beautiful Y/H/C locks.

    “Thank you.” He fought back his tears. He leaned over and kissed Y/N. “Get through this, Babe. Please. I don’t want to be right with this one, Y/N.”

    He was asked to leave the room, but he stayed close until they wheeled her out and toward the OR. The nurse looked at him. “We’ll take good care of her.”

    Jensen stood there for a long time, staring at the double doors. Y/N was somewhere beyond those doors. He didn’t want to think about it, but the thought crossed his mind…

    He may have just kissed her goodbye.

    Hours passed and Jared arrived. “We fed the kids and got them in bed. Gen’s in the guestroom with the baby. The boys and JJ are in the living room.”

    “Thanks,” Jensen looked at him. He held up the bag. “They had to shave her head.”

    “Jay, how bad?”

    “The doctor told me but I don’t remember.” Jensen admitted. “She looked at pale and so young. Damn it, Jared, I let her walk out the door and…”

    “Mr. Ackles?” The officers from earlier were back. “We’re coming off duty and wanted to stop by and check on Ms. Longley.”

    “She’s still in surgery.”

    “We have a little bit of information.” The first officer said. “The shooter, Sean Kuffman….”

    “That son of a bitch grabbed her this morning at the grocery store.”

    “Was he stalking her?”

    Jared spoke up. “We wondered but he never showed up anywhere she was until today. It’s been awhile since she’s seen him.”

    “She hadn’t mentioned him until today. He asked her out a few times and she wasn’t interested. Y/N lives with me. She takes care of my children. It’s a long story but something my wife had drawn up just in case something happened…”

    “No need to explain.” The officers smiled. That was none of their business. They could see that whatever their situation was, Jensen cared for and loved this woman.

    “Is Sean in custody?” Jared asked. “My wife is alone at Jensen’s with the children. Should we make arrangements for security or…?”

    “Mr. Kuffman shot himself after he shot Y/N. He didn’t make it.”

    Jensen was confused. “He saw her two or three times. Why would he do this? What reason would he have to hurt her after meeting two or three times?”

    “The detectives are looking into it. I’m sure they’re going to want to talk to you and anyone else who may have known him.”

    Jensen started to ask another question but saw the doctor. He practically ran down the hall. “Is she okay?”

    “She’s a fighter, Mr. Ackles.” The doctor smiled. “The bullet is out. There’s some tiny fragments left to retrieve.”

    “She’s okay though?” Jensen needed to hear that. “She’s going to make it?”

    “We’re hopeful.” The doctor told him. “Mr. Ackles, she flatlined on us but we got her back. She’s a fighting. We’ve still a while to go though. I’ll keep you posted.”

    “Thanks.” Jensen looked at Jared. “Can you make…”

    “Gen called your parents. I’ll call everyone else.” Jared walked away.

    “I’ll be in touch.” The officer smiled at Jensen. “I’ll see if I can get some more information for you.”

    “Thank you.” Jensen felt like he’d be saying that a lot in the coming days.

    He walked to the seat he’d claimed hours before and sat. He took a deep breath.

    Dee, if you can hear me, I’m sorry I fucked this up. I know you probably miss her, but we need her….

~*~

    Y/N was dreaming. She had to be.

    Danneel was smiling at her, wearing a white sundress. They were in an open field of flowers and the sun was bright and warm.

    “Hey, Pretty Girl.” Danneel reached out and touched her cheek. “I miss you so much.”

    “Dee.” Y/N’s eyes filled with tears. “I miss you.”

    “Baby, you and Jensen went way off course.”

    Y/N let her tears fall. “We can’t seem to get it together. He wants me to leave. For good.”

    “No,” Danneel shook her head. “Y/N, he’s scared you’re going to leave for good. Tonight was his nightmare come true.”

    “What?”

    “Cops coming to the house, telling him you were shot…”

    “Shot?” Y/N touched her head. “I do have a headache.”

    “You’re in surgery. They’re trying to get the rest of the bullet fragments out. Sean was a shitty shot.”

    “Danneel, I could stay with you.” Y/N smiled. “You and I could have this.” She looked around. “It’s so pretty….”

    “No,” Danneel shook her head. “You’re going to wake your ass up and tell Jensen that you aren’t going anywhere. You’re going to tell him you aren’t his doormat and to stop walking all over you!”

    “He…”

    “Y/N. He needs you. My children need you.” She kissed Y/N’s forehead. “You need them.”

    “I don’t want to do this without you anymore.” Y/N told her. “I need you. I need your strength.”

    “Babe, you have it. I know it’s not easy, but you’re doing it.”

    Y/N shook her head. “Jensen….”

    “He’s as scared as you are.” Danneel told her. “You wake your ass up and you go home.” She smiled. “I love the new house and I think it’s right. I think it’s good you and Jensen got a new place.”

    “We didn’t…”

    “I know, Sweetie. It’s part of starting over though.” Danneel kissed her softly. “Wake up, Pretty Girl. Give Jensen and my babies a kiss for me.”

    “Always.”

    “I love you.”

    Y/N smiled at her. “I love you too.”

~*~

    “Misha’s flying in.” Jared told him. “Clif said he’ll come if you want him to.”

    Jensen had known somehow that Misha would come. He knew Jared probably talked Clif out of it but Misha most likely booked the flight before telling Jared. “Has Gen called?”

    “No, but I may run by my place and grab everyone some clothes. Your parents are there…”

    “Thanks, man.” Jensen looked at him.

    Jared started to say something, but he saw the doctor. Jensen turned his head and stood up. “Is…”

    “She’s out of surgery. Her vitals are real strong. Y/N wasn’t giving up.”

    “That’s my girl.” Jensen smiled. “Can I see her?”

    “Soon. She’s being moved to a private room in a little while. She’s still unconscious and may be for awhile.”

    Jared pats Jensen’s back. “I’ll go make some calls.”

    “Yeah,” Jensen nods.

    “Mr. Ackles, the next twenty four to forty eight hours are very important. She’s doing really well, but we still need to keep an eye on things.”

    “The kids…”

    “We’ll allow you to bring her children in for short visits.”

    A nurse approached and asked Jensen if he was ready. He followed her to Y/N and moved next to her immediately. He took her hand and kissed it softly.

    “Y/N, I love you.” He whispered. “I love you so much. Please wake up, Babe. Wake up because I need you. I also need to make up the last year and a half to you.” He kissed her hand. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”


	24. Chapter 24

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Twenty Four**

    Jensen refused to move from her side. His parents brought the kids and they each had a few minutes with her, but Jensen refused to leave the room to go get food. The nurses encouraged him to go for walks, but he told them he needed to be there when she woke up.

    Jared and Gen managed to convince him to shower and brought him food. When Misha arrived, the doctors moved Y/N into another room and she was allowed more visitors at once. Misha silently watched Jensen for hours before he urged him to get up.

    “You need fresh air.” Misha told him. “Y/N will understand.”

    “If she wakes up….”

    “Kick my ass like you always wanted to.” Misha said. “Jensen, you need a break. Fifteen minutes outside, fresh air…”

    Jensen leaned over and kissed Y/N. He waited a few seconds and stood up. “Fifteen minutes.”

    Once outside, Misha took a deep breath. “I heard the doctors talking about amnesia and other possible outcomes.”

    “It doesn’t matter. I’ll stand by her.” Jensen swore. “She’s been there for me all these years. It’s about time I’m there for her.”

    “She doesn’t see it that way, Jensen. At least she didn’t before Danneel’s passing.” Misha sat down. “It’s obvious how much love there is in your family. The kids, you, Y/N….Danneel…There’s always been something special there. Y/N never thought you weren’t there for her before. I know things have been different for awhile, but I know that you were there when it counted. Maybe you weren’t a few times that it did, but Y/N isn’t going to hold that against you, Jensen.”

    “I hope like hell you’re right.” Jensen looked to the sky. “I wanted to try and fix things a million times. I just got scared. I was a shit and I pushed her away. I’d grab her and pull her back and then push her away again.”

    “I promise you. She’s not going to hold any of that against you.” Misha told him. “I think Y/N has been feeling the same things you have. You’ve handled it differently.”

    “I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want her to stay just for the kids. I want her to stay for all of us. I want her…” Jensen stopped. “We have to go inside.”

    “Jensen.”

    “Something’s going on.” He stood up. “Y/N…” he started back toward the hospital.

    “Jensen, wait!” Misha didn’t want him to go alone. He hoped that everything was okay, but he knew that… “Just wait a second.”

    The elevator took forever. Jensen lost patience and ran to the stairs with Misha close behind him. They raced up to the third floor and came out to doctors and nurses running around. Jensen’s eyes moved to Y/N’s room and he saw that most were going there.

    “Y/N?” he called out.

    Misha grabbed him. “Jensen, just calm down.”

    “What if….I shouldn’t have left her!” Jensen was shaking. “I shouldn’t have left her alone!”

    “Mr. Ackles!” One of the nurses walked over to him. “Please, calm down.”

    “She's….” He looked at her. “Is she…..”

    “Y/N woke up.” The nurse smiled. “She’s awake.”

    Jensen’s face lit up. “She’s awake? I need to…”

    “Wait, Mr. Ackles!” The nurse stopped him. “Let the doctors do their job first. As soon as they’re finished, I will take you in there.”

    Misha patted his back. “I’m going to call Jared and your folks.”

    “Thanks, Misha.” Jensen smiled. “She’s awake.”

    Misha nodded. “Just be patient with her, and yourself.”

    Jensen smiled. “She’s awake. It doesn’t matter if she remembers me or not, Misha. I’m not letting her go. I’m going to do anything and everything to make sure she’s okay.”

    Misha knew he would. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

    Jensen couldn’t sit still. He paced the floor in front of the nurses station. The nurses smiled at him, all relieved that Y/N was awake. Everyone had seen how tender he was with her. He’d hold her hand for hours, talk to her, sing to her, lay his head on her chest and just listen to her heartbeat. Jensen Ackles loved this woman and it was obvious that he needed her.

    “Mr. Ackles, you may see her now.”

    Jensen followed the nurse, excited, happy, and scared. Y/N was awake. She’d survived.

    He just didn’t know what Y/N he was going to be getting.

    The nurse stepped aside when they reached her room. “She may be a little groggy still. May even fall back asleep. Don’t worry, she won’t slip into another coma.”

    “Thank you.” He drew in his breath and stepped into the room. She was sitting up, watching another nurse change her IV bags. “Y/N?” His voice was soft.

    She turned to look at him. Her eyes met his and he saw her looking at him intently.

    “I’ll leave you two alone.” The nurse smiled. “Just buzz us if you need anything.”

    “Thank you,” Jensen said as she left. Once the door was closed, he slowly walked to the bed and sat down. “Darlin’, you’re awake.”

    Her hand went to the bandage on her head. She looked upset and he saw tears forming.

    “No, no, no!” Jensen touched her cheeks. “Baby, it’s okay. You’re alive. You’re alive and we have our second chance. I was such a fool. I love you so much but I was too damn scared of losing you that I pushed you away. I was convinced you were going to leave me one way or another and I thought it would hurt less if I just…” He shook his head. “Y/N, I love you. I have for a very long time. You and Danneel were and are the only women I will ever love this way.” He saw her face. She looked confused. Jensen understood then.

    Y/N had suffered the brain damage the doctors warned them about.

    “It’s okay.” Jensen’s own tears fell freely. “I love you and I don’t care…I’m not letting you go. I’ll take care of you, Y/N. I’ll take care of you the way you’ve always taken care of us. I’ll do whatever it is you need me to do.” He saw the small smile. “I just need you in my life.”

    “I need you,” Her voice was barely a whisper. She reached for the cup of water one of the nurses gave her and sipped from it. “Jensen, I love you. I’m so sorry….”

    “You're….Baby, there’s nothing for you to be sorry for.” Jensen kissed her forehead. “You’re here.”

    “I am.” She reached out and touched him. “I love you so much.”

    “I’m sorry I told you to leave. I’m sorry I…I’m sorry for everything.”

    Y/N took his hand and kissed it. “I am too. We’re going to be okay though. You, the babies, us. We’re going to get through all of this and be better for it.”

    Jensen leaned in and kissed her. “You need to hurry up and get well enough to come home. We’ve got a lot of making up to do.”

    “Jen,” She kissed him again. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying with my family. That’s where I belong.”


	25. Chapter 25

##  **Twisted Desires Chapter Twenty Five**

 

Y/N looked at Jensen. “That’s all of it.”

“Are you sure?” He looked up from his spot on the bed. “Y/N/N?”

“That’s it.”

Jensen stood and reached for her. “Don’t do this. Damn it, Y/N. Please…”

“Don’t,” she moved away. “Jensen, I love you. We tried to make this work. The kids are suffering, we’re suffering…”

“Give me one last chance.”

“It’s been four years since I was shot.” Y/N turned away from him. “I knew things would take time. I knew we couldn’t just fall into a relationship. We did though. We got married, we had a baby.” She wiped her tears. “You fell out of love with me.”

“It’s not that! Not at all!”

She turned around. “Jensen, you barely touch me! You never tell me you love me…”

“Damn it, Y/N, I do love you! I always have.” He kissed her with the passion he’d held back for a long time. “I love you.”

“I’m not sure that’s enough this time, Baby.” Y/N sobbed. “The kids aren’t happy. They know too much.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Y/N touched his face. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Don’t.” He pleaded. “Darlin’, don’t go.”

“Jen…”

“Jared said they’d take the kids. JJ, the twins, and Evan for the weekend. Let’s go somewhere and talk. We can work this out, Y/N.”

Y/N started to nod, but JJ came in with two year old Evan.

“He wants you, Dad.” JJ looked at Y/N. “You’re really leaving us?”

“JJ, I love you, Sweetie…”

JJ shook her head. “Not enough. Mom didn’t have a choice. She had to go. You have a choice…”

“JJ, don’t do this.” Jensen pleaded. He took Evan and looked at his daughter. “Aunt Y/N and I are talking.”

Y/N took JJ in her arms. “I do love you. I love all of you so much.”

“Don’t leave us,” JJ cried. “We need you.”

Y/N saw Jensen’s eyes as he turned away with their son. Evan clung to his father, his green eyes focused on his mother. “JJ, your father and I are going to talk this weekend. You and the younger kids are going to Aunt Gen and Uncle Jared’s.” She saw the hope in Jensen’s eyes. “I’m not making any promises.”

“It’s a start! That’s all we need!” JJ hugged her. “You and Daddy love each other and you can make things work.”

Y/N gave Jensen a small smile. “We can try.”

~*~

Gen opened the door and smiled. “They’re excited to see you.”

Y/N put a smile on her face. “I missed them so much.”

“Aunt Y/N!” JJ rushed through the house with the twins and Evan behind her.

“Oh, my babies!” She kissed each of them and looked at Gen. Her friend saw the tears. “Go get your things, please.”

“Is Daddy at home?” JJ asked.

Gen asked JJ a question, distracting her a moment before she and the twins ran to gather their things.

“Where is he?”

“Home.” Y/N smiled.

“Is that..”

“It was a long, emotional weekend. I’ll let you know when we know something.” Y/N promised.

Gen hugged her. “I know it’s been tough, Y/N.”

“He admitted…with…”

“I’m sorry. He never told Jared anything. You know that.”

Y/N nodded. “We talked about it. Why it happened..I get it. It hurt to have it confirmed. It opened up a conversation though. It started with tears and yelling but we talked for the first time in a long time. We talked the way we talked when we first became friends.” She smiled. “The way we talked with Danneel.”

Gen squeezed her hand. “Do you think things will work out?”

“It’s in his court now, Gen.” Y/N told her. “I said everything I needed to say. He said what he needed to say. I made my decision. He’s working on his.”

The kids reappeared and Y/N ushered them to the car. They told her about their weekend with the Padaleckis as she drove to their home. JJ caught her eyes in the mirror.

“Things are good, right?”

Y/N smiled at her. “Things are going to work out the way they need to, Baby.”

Jensen greeted his children as they entered. He stopped in front of Y/N and kissed the top of her head as Evan moved into his father’s arms.

“We’re going out to dinner,” Jensen told the kids.

“Come on, Aunt Y/N!” Arrow grabbed her hand.

Jensen shook his head. “No,” he looked into Y/N’s eyes. “Just you kids.”

“Why?” JJ asked. “Aunt Y/N should come too.”

“Aunt Y/N will come next time.” Jensen said. “JJ, I need you and the kids to help me with something.” A smile grew on his face. “A surprise.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. “Jensen?”

“Go take a long, hot bath.” He whispered. “Get comfortable. We won’t be too long.”

~*~

Y/N fell asleep waiting for Jensen and the kids to return. Her body jumped when she felt hands move under her robe and over her thigh.

“Hello, Sleeping Beauty.” Jensen whispered in her ear.

“Where are the kids?”

Jensen smiled. “Asleep.” He kissed her. “Y/N, I love you.”

“I love you, Jensen.” Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck as she moved to her back. “How were the kids?”

“Excited.” Jensen was smiling. “We did some shopping.”

“For what?” Y/N asked. “Every time you take the kids shopping….”

Jensen opened the ring box and smiled. “They helped me pick this out.”

“Jensen?”

“We spent the weekend talking, arguing, getting to know each other, and all conversations ended with the two of saying how much we loved each other.” He took the ring from the box. “I want to renew our vows. We’ve got too many years and too much between us to completely start over. We rushed our wedding though. You deserve a wedding and not a justice of the peace by your hospital bed.”

“I just wanted to be with you, Jen. I wanted to be your wife.” Y/N kissed him. “That’s what I want now.”

“So marry me. Again.” Jensen smiled. “Let’s have a wedding our children can all be a part of.”

Y/N bit her lip. For a moment, Jensen felt panic rise in his chest. She smiled as she kissed him.

“Tell me when and where.” Y/N whispered. “And let’s try to do it before I start showing. Things have been strained but we did have that one amazing night in Seattle….”

The End


End file.
